I couldnt make it, the slightest upset my mind turned to drink. So, last night i drank, put my heads on and illusioned i was some great singer, etc. Alarm went off, didnt drive my son to School, to afraid if i was to drive. I will try again when i can. Thankyou.
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Hiya Lucy. Great to see you here. Hang in there friend. It's hard to start with, but you are trying. Do you have a plan?............G.
'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'
Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today- -
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Hey Lucy...I stumbled yesterday, too. Back up today and going to give it another shot. Let me know if you want to go in on it together. We could shoot for going AF for 4 days to start, then perhaps see if we can truck on through to the end of the month?...let me know! Go us!Comment
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Hi Lucy
Remember your fun day at the museum with your son last week. You had a great day out, sober, not hungover.
Everyday can be like that if you stop drinking. You sound so sad today. It is the alcohol that is making you feel so bad.
Please don't give up on yourself. Drink lots of water and look after yourself.:lIf alcohol made you happy I should be the happiest person alive! I'm not.Comment
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Hi Lucy ~ I had a slip over the weekend. Jump up, dust yourself off and try again. We are all here to help you on this journey. Come on over to the 4 day AF thread. Also, the ODAT thread is a wonderful place to visit. Hang in there! You can do this and we can do this together! :lComment
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oh god, ive really messed up this time.Comment
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Lucy, honey....what is the matter???? Are you ok?Comment
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Hang in there Lucy -
I got cocky last week cause I was doing well and ended up drinking a bottle of wine on Sunday night. Not a great way to start the work week. I am going tomorrow to talk to the doc about the topamax - just need as much help as I can get. I have no will power. You are not alone and this may take a few tries for all of us. You have so much support here!Comment
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This could take a while.. bear with me. Last night i drank, this morning i was still drinking, didnt dare drive my son to School so walked instead. Came home and continued drinking. Fell asleep and my son walked home from School, couldnt get in the house as id left my keys in the inside of my door. He knocked on my neighbours door whos a good friend and she let him in over the fence into my back door. I was asleep. When i woke, i thought it was 1 ish, didnt know id slept so long. Looked at my phone and so many messages. Theres a meeting at the School tonight in half an hour, i cant go, i really cant. Then the phone goes again and i answer, its my Dad, who gives me the "tone", oh my god what are we going to do with you!!! u need professional help, ur a drunk etc etc..... his words ring true, but in my heart i just dont want to hear aggression of my failure. Does that make sense?. So again ive let my son down and my family.Comment
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Lucy
I'm hearing your pain. You can't change what happened today but you can change what happens tomorrow.
Your Dad loves you, so does your family and son. Only you can stop yourself drinking, it's got to come from you. But you can't carry on like this, people are going to notice.
Write down how bad you feel today, it will be a good reminder next time you feel like drinking.
Look after yourself.If alcohol made you happy I should be the happiest person alive! I'm not.Comment
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Not only that, ive realised in my drunk state, ive no one to call upon to be my voice at the School, now in 20 mins, i darnt go, then i would be in trouble, look crap and feel crap. Another messsage, from the landlady who has become a friend i think, not my home but a friends who has just passed away, asking me if i need anything from the falt!!!, how kind is that?, its being cleared on Thursday so she wanted to know if i would like anything. It was my sons dads flat he died there and his friend took it over and hes now dead as well. Couldnt go to the funeral because it hurts so i went to the undertakers and paid my respects sober. I cant do right for doing wrong.... as a child i had that voice of aggresion, and its still here, Ur a failure, u need help, seek it, etc etc, and also trying to be kind. The worst guilt is doing wrong to ones family, no ones getting younger, and i just need some peace. Selfish i know.Comment
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If i go the route of Docs, i honestly dont trust them. So i need to do this in my own way. I dont have people i can relie upon, i do so much then slip up.Comment
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and... may as well rell u it all.... I met a guy on a dateing site, he wants me to arrange a three way thing. pushing a nd pushing, of course he dosnt know how i feel. I was chatting to a woman, he met her because she was in his location, rang me to say she had arrived... then he had previously booked a room and u know the rest, at least she told me, he wouldnt have. Still in touch with him and text text text. Its all madness.Comment
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Of course theres more.... think ive said enough for now.Comment
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deep breath, need to ring the School, to say ive got "Flu" or something. Or should i just leave it?????Comment
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