I blew it!

[Boss.man]

I blew it, and I'm blowing it now. I need to email my spouse with a warning that I'm blown out and need to do a recovery evening.

It was no big thing. Friday night we were relaxed and had some wine. Then I grabbed a bit of vodka. Went to bed early. But my background was very emotional. I've an employee who is being quite difficult, my tenant complains of water problems, and we fired two housekeepers in as many weeks. My pool pump is running bad and needs service, laundry is undone, dog fur abounds and not a single person says to me; I like you.

My liquor likes me, and I'm hoping to dump that relationship before I ever have to suffer through day-two again. I got plenty of pills, Kudzu and my new one L-Theanine.

I guess I'm just here to say; I'm not a perfect person. I struggle and slip. I wish my spouse would understand, but that isn't going to happen. I'm just going to sit down now, and slowly rebuild the structure that represents the rest of my life. Bit by bit, stick by stick, I guess there will be a day I never reach for AL. I'm just too addicted.

[startingover]

I blew it!

Big Hugs Boss Man.
I like you...
You will get there, there is a knack to learning how to cope with lifes difficulties. You will get it I am sure because you are simply not a man who gives up.

[tlrgs]

I blew it!

living life on life terms there will aways be those things that happen and getting thur them is the hard part without al being in the picture .. we have all been there and done that and great job on getting back on thre wagon... two days awesome buddy ...

[Boss.man]

I blew it!

I'm still hoping for just a swerve. Taking uber pills. I don't like what my body suffered my first few times.

I've emailed the spouse now. I guess I'll face an entire evening of recriminations. It's the pain of being honest. I like honest better than the other.

Thanks to all for helping me out. I'm not alone. I just wish this stuff were not so insidious. It's like an taliban of my mind, and not all the pills, supplements or anything takes away from the simple emotional boost from a simple slip.

[Angelcakes]

I blew it!

:l Boss, good on you for being honest. Sometimes the little things can get me down too...this too shall pass.

xo

[Boo boo]

I blew it!

Hi Bossman

From the few posts I've read, like the others above, I also like you. Sounds like you've got a heck of a lot on your plate and, by and large with the AL thing, are doing incredibly well.

I hope this isn't too intrusive but I was a bit concerned to read that you wished your spouse would understand but you thought that was never going to happen. Would it be possible for you guys to get some counselling together to talk about your bravery and commitment to being AF? A supportive partner is worth their weight in gold - I'm one of the very lucky ones that knows it.

Stay strong :l

Boo

[dill]

I blew it!

Bossmann, hang in there! I have learned so much from you. When I first came to MWO you were researching about al and posting your findings and I read them. I saved them and re-read them. They helped me immensely in trying to understand what I was up against.

You can understand your enemy, yet still lose some battles. But not necessarily the whole war.
Best wishes to you.

[cacky]

I blew it!

Bossman, i dont know you but, just reading other posts it is very clear that you have an impact on others. dont discount yourself too quickly. you have alot of value. give it your all

[Lavande]

I blew it!

Sorry to hear you're down bossman,

We really do all like you!
May I suggest dusting off the Hypno CD's? I didn't think they would do a thing for me, but honestly, I think they really have. They seem to really reniforce everything you've learned here and elsewhere...........

Just a thought.
Best Wishes
Lavande

[AstraiaJ.]

I blew it!

This morning when I was driving into town someone had put up a road sign that read, "Setbacks set the stage for comebacks!" I usually don't pay attention to those little pithy sayings that this business likes to post, but I liked this one. There is something new to be gained from this comeback. Hang in there!

[mica]

I blew it!

Hey, there, Boss Man,
Quit kicking yourself for a slip... remember that the important thing is you caught yourself in time. You are strong, intelligent and willing to go the whole way, so give yourself the credit you are due. Congratulations on coming back so soon! Weekends are my downfall, too, but we both have a good four days to put on enough armor to get through this one in front of us. Good luck!

[savon19]

I blew it!

I read the post without noticing at first who wrote it & scrolled down for the replies... Then I scrolled back up when I realized it was YOU! You have been SO strong; somehow I had to look twice to believe it.

You said Fri. you had some wine and today you're drinking vodka? (I'm confused!)

I thought you were abstaining, but maybe I got that wrong? Were you modding...?

OH, and I Like you! You've done so much research and analysis on this whole thing - I have learned from you...

I know we're all different in our approaches, but I am doing it without supp's. I've seen with myself that SO much of it is about intent.

I also know if I had any right now... I'd have a LOT!! So I just can't have any.

[Winefree]

I blew it!

Boss, don't kick yourself, just get back on track and keep going. You noted it as an error, learn as others say and keep on working on it.
We are all here for each other.

Winefree

[Theme2be]

I blew it!

Dear Boss Man,

I believe we are present here because this is "complicated" and seems to dictate the order of things in a distorted way.
I don't know of any "simple" emotional boost, my fellow selected soul in torture.
If it were a "simple slip", it would mean there are no complications and that this is a "simple" terrorist, although insidious. This would mean "this thing" that terrorizes us is lacking in intelligence and experience and stalking you and me and us with a free heart, free of deceit.

I like you. I am like you. And, I , like you find the lure so deceptive as it blames me again and again tossing my life into unrest. Then I am feeling "simply" a fool.

I know we are all wise to it. Yet, I find this enemy studies my ways by bringing me back onto the battle ground. If I come with the same , predictable war plan, it just leaves me in a mud puddle of broken images for I am again, unprepared.
Of course, you like it as I do when it can without falter, have me attach to it as one would a violator, because that is what my sense of worth hears. I can depend on its open invitation to the fun house of distorded mirrors and horrors.

You are surrounded by an Army.
Private Theme is on your side, always.

[DeeBee]

I blew it!

Love ya Boss!!

Sending loads of support and good vibes to you! You know what to do and we are here to help you.

(P.S. Thanks for the info ... I too started the L-Theanine yesterday.)