:new:I found this site - not sure how - on Sunday night while AF (I never drink on Sundays :-) and pondering as ever that maybe (lol who am I kidding) I drink too much.
After reading a lot I've ordered Naltraxone (? spelling)
Have been drinking alcohol every day (bar Sundays :-) )for the last three yrs; not always more than 2 - 3 glasses of wine, sometimes it gets to 2 - 3 bottles.
I've in the past tried to use antabuse (disulfiram) and it works - in that it makes me feel deathly ill if I take it; but being motivated to take it is such hard work; so mostly I don't take it. I have a whole drawerful of the stuff, ordered online ages ago.
I had a patch of one whole month AF two yrs ago, and several patches of two weeks at a time, or three sometimes, but no sustained AF, and when I drink there is often no moderation.:upset:
If I start early, I keep drinking all day. If I have things to do, I don't drink. It's almost a boredom issue!:upset:
To be fair, I function fairly well (don't drive anyway, so that helps), work from home part time, run the house and my kids, and dh who is teetotal and hates alcohol does not know I drink, except on special occasions.
I do have untreated depression and a majorly stressful life (and early menopause - other issues) so mood swings are always put down to that (and probably are due to that at times)
Thankfully I've never had blackouts, seizures, and all my medical tests are normal (just had another round of full blood tests for another issue); and liver function was normal. (v thankful!)
BUT I want to quit while I am ahead, if you can call this ahead.
It's not ahead. I am the queen of deceivers. Only ever drink in my (home) office (never anywhere else round the house, and I am not often out, so hardly ever drink outside of the home), I use air freshners, breath freshners, burn incense, spray deodorant, eat spicy foods and garlic; all to try to convince the household that they can't smell wine. (I only drink wine)
dh (dear husband) definitely is unaware, cos he'd let me know asap. He has done in the past, and we've had our moments.. .. we have good communication (other than this d*mn drinking issue)
I feel hideous and pathetic and useless.
Why the bl***dy h*ll can't I stop drinking??
I drank all day Saturday (0900 till 2200), prob 2.5 bottles of wine 18 units of alc over 11 hrs), hard to tell cos I drink from wine boxes, not bottles.
(Easier to store, and easier to recycle. Less obviously alcohol)
(Dh and kids out doing other things, I was alone in front of the TV, or surfing)
Then I went to sleep, fairly calmly and reasonably and not obviously drunk - ie not slurring words or tripping up or irrational (which all do happen sometimes)
Spent all of Sunday and most of today (Monday) determined not to drink anything.
But eventually - around 1700 - which is late for me, I did.
And now I feel guilty. SO I got online and ordered meds, hoping the Sinclair method might work for me. Going cold turkey isn't going to work for me, at least not right now; and there is no way with my home life I could get to AA meetings (not that think that would work for me, tbh) (not knocking anyone it does work for)
Ditto listening to hypno CDs etc. Can't do that, cos no one really knows.
I am so glad to have found this group:h:l
Sad we all have to be here.
And there is no way on earth I could ask a GP for help, I can't even discuss depression with him, far less alcoholism.
Is it really an illness, or just my own fault? I guess I'll always battle with that one.
Hope
After reading a lot I've ordered Naltraxone (? spelling)
Have been drinking alcohol every day (bar Sundays :-) )for the last three yrs; not always more than 2 - 3 glasses of wine, sometimes it gets to 2 - 3 bottles.
I've in the past tried to use antabuse (disulfiram) and it works - in that it makes me feel deathly ill if I take it; but being motivated to take it is such hard work; so mostly I don't take it. I have a whole drawerful of the stuff, ordered online ages ago.
I had a patch of one whole month AF two yrs ago, and several patches of two weeks at a time, or three sometimes, but no sustained AF, and when I drink there is often no moderation.:upset:
If I start early, I keep drinking all day. If I have things to do, I don't drink. It's almost a boredom issue!:upset:
To be fair, I function fairly well (don't drive anyway, so that helps), work from home part time, run the house and my kids, and dh who is teetotal and hates alcohol does not know I drink, except on special occasions.
I do have untreated depression and a majorly stressful life (and early menopause - other issues) so mood swings are always put down to that (and probably are due to that at times)
Thankfully I've never had blackouts, seizures, and all my medical tests are normal (just had another round of full blood tests for another issue); and liver function was normal. (v thankful!)
BUT I want to quit while I am ahead, if you can call this ahead.
It's not ahead. I am the queen of deceivers. Only ever drink in my (home) office (never anywhere else round the house, and I am not often out, so hardly ever drink outside of the home), I use air freshners, breath freshners, burn incense, spray deodorant, eat spicy foods and garlic; all to try to convince the household that they can't smell wine. (I only drink wine)
dh (dear husband) definitely is unaware, cos he'd let me know asap. He has done in the past, and we've had our moments.. .. we have good communication (other than this d*mn drinking issue)
I feel hideous and pathetic and useless.
Why the bl***dy h*ll can't I stop drinking??
I drank all day Saturday (0900 till 2200), prob 2.5 bottles of wine 18 units of alc over 11 hrs), hard to tell cos I drink from wine boxes, not bottles.
(Easier to store, and easier to recycle. Less obviously alcohol)
(Dh and kids out doing other things, I was alone in front of the TV, or surfing)
Then I went to sleep, fairly calmly and reasonably and not obviously drunk - ie not slurring words or tripping up or irrational (which all do happen sometimes)
Spent all of Sunday and most of today (Monday) determined not to drink anything.
But eventually - around 1700 - which is late for me, I did.
And now I feel guilty. SO I got online and ordered meds, hoping the Sinclair method might work for me. Going cold turkey isn't going to work for me, at least not right now; and there is no way with my home life I could get to AA meetings (not that think that would work for me, tbh) (not knocking anyone it does work for)
Ditto listening to hypno CDs etc. Can't do that, cos no one really knows.
I am so glad to have found this group:h:l
Sad we all have to be here.
And there is no way on earth I could ask a GP for help, I can't even discuss depression with him, far less alcoholism.
Is it really an illness, or just my own fault? I guess I'll always battle with that one.
Hope
I agree with Nearly that you should try to talk to your GP at least about the depression. I am on anti-depressants and I am feeling so much better taking them. Just a thought.
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