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    #1

    Where to begin...?

    Well iv'e been looking on this site for a while tonight, which is better than an empty vodka bottle I suppose. My son is three and I survived until he was 18 months alcohol free.

    This is my third relapse since then and by far the longest. They usually last bout 3 months but im now into my 6th month...

    I usually drink 3 times a week or so, usually about 3/4 bottle of vodka, funny how you fall into patterns? And neways am feeling more out of control than ever.

    I am only 24 and am heartbroken because it feels like I may not make my sons 5th birthday at this rate.
    To see a world in a grain of sand
    And a heaven in a wildflower.
    Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
    And eternity in an hour.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Where to begin...?

    I'm sorry that you feel out of control, but it is good that you recognize the problem and realize you need to deal with it at a young age. Your son deserves a happy sober parent. Stick around this site, read and post. You will find many supportive people who understand what you are going through. Hope to get to know you better.

    Comment

      #3
      Where to begin...?

      Hi Lost Soul... Can I just briefly say that I think many people at your young age feel like lost souls? Keep in mind you are so young, there is so much hope and help for you to get this problem under control.

      Could you share a little more about your life situation? Are you a single Mother, married, in a happy relationship, sad in a relationship? Just curious so could maybe help you more.

      Thats wonderful you have a little boy, so do I. They are blessings, and even more reason to get a grip on your problems now.

      What are the reasons you are drinking? Are you depressed, lonely? Have you thought about talking to a Doctor about any of this?

      Im just trying to be helpful, keep your chin up. This is a good place to get some support when you need it.
      I LOVE MY SEROTONIN AND BOOZE SCREWS IT UP!!!!!

      Comment

        #4
        Where to begin...?

        Thanks for the kind and supportive words, I sure I can lend some when If i get better.

        Im sorry for being vague, My drink problem began as a teenager and progressively got worse until me and my boyfriend fell pregnant when I was 20. My boyfriend of 4 years and I spilt when my son was three weeks old.
        Coped through those tough times witout a drink and wen you live with alcoholism you are so grateful just to feel 'normal'. I was proud of myself and with the life I had choosen to lead...
        No Going Back...
        Then I suppose AL tricks you or you let yourself be tricked into thinking that you are a normal person and you become complacent and put yourself in compromising situations. And I fell off the wagon once, then twice, then third time lucky they said.
        And now it is just me and my beautiful little Brandon, though I have made the choice to continue to live with my parents as I'm too scared to live with Brandon on his own as I feel I have so little control of my relationship with AL
        I promise myself on the first of every month no more.
        Then the list of excuses niggle away till I have a bottle of smirnoff in my bag.
        To see a world in a grain of sand
        And a heaven in a wildflower.
        Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
        And eternity in an hour.

        Comment

          #5
          Where to begin...?

          Hi Lost Soul,

          Welcome! This is a good place to be, lots of support & encouragement here for you.

          Please be sure that your son is safe, he's too young to be on his own. Do you have someone to help watch him?

          Get started by downloading the MWO book. It has a lot of useful information to help you make your plan and get you on board. You may want to take this info to your doctor as well.

          You are so young, do this now for yourself and your son - he needs you.

          All the best,
          Lavande
          AF since 03/26/09
          NF since 05/19/09
          Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

          Comment

            #6
            Where to begin...?

            Welcome

            Hi Lost Soul

            Good for you choosing to remain with your parents for your son's sake :l

            As the others have said, this is a really good place to be. I've been here for five days now and for the first time in many years I feel like maybe I can really make it. That is simply because of all the encouragement, honesty and support you can get from the wonderful people you'll find here.

            Keep reading and posting - you can make it :l

            Boo x

            Comment

              #7
              Where to begin...?

              I shall certainly have a look and do feel better being somewhere ppl understand.

              Godspeed and thanks for listening xoxo
              To see a world in a grain of sand
              And a heaven in a wildflower.
              Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
              And eternity in an hour.

              Comment

                #8
                Where to begin...?

                Hello LS - (not sure I like your name!!)

                First, I have to say you sound Very Wise! You had the wisdom to know you have a problem (gawd - if ONLY I got a grip at your age!!).. and also that you know you need your parent's support in taking care of your child - at least until you are able on your own... I'm sure you'll get there!

                I probably was an alcoholic at 24... I think I hung around people who drank too much & I joined it, thinking that was "normal"! You've jumped a BIG hurdle already, that you Know it isn't normal & want to do something to change that.

                SO glad you found this site! Keep reading & posting. You can really vent here if you want...

                We're all in the same boat, sailing all around the world, from Australia to US to UK... But we all help each other during stormy weather. And give lots of encouragement & congrats when needed/wanted!

                So, welcome, LS. And you're no longer "lost".
                Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

                Comment

                  #9
                  Where to begin...?

                  Im in college at the mo, have got a 1/4 bottle of goldschlager into me and will get more on the way home. Two things that make someone sober 1 - reason to b sober 2 - something that happens thts so crazed that makes ya give up 4 a whle... neither apply to me sadly i will drinkk and drink till i destroy veryone and everything around me. Sooner I dead the beter
                  To see a world in a grain of sand
                  And a heaven in a wildflower.
                  Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
                  And eternity in an hour.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Where to begin...?

                    Welcome LS :welcome: ! Are you ok? Your last post has me worried. What can we do to help? Have you quit drinking the Goldschlager?

                    You have found a wonderful place and you are making the right choice in realizing the situation with AL and reaching out for help. Keep posting, reading and asking questions. You can do this for yourself and your little one! We are all going to help you with that.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Where to begin...?

                      :welcome:

                      You have a VERY GOOD REASON to stop drinking and that is your lovely 3 year old son. At the moment he won't understand when you are drunk or hungover but the time will soon come when he will.

                      Another reason is YOURSELF. Believe it or not you deserve a better life than the one you currently live that is ruled by alcohol. You sound depressed, a fair bet that anxiety is a problem for you too. It is alcohol that does that to you. It makes you feel worse, not better.

                      The future is yours to change. There's lots of mum's on here and lots of support. You just have to reach out and take it. :l
                      If alcohol made you happy I should be the happiest person alive! I'm not.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Where to begin...?

                        Can I just say that telling people (well telling me :-) that my child is a good reason to go AF just makes me feel guilty, worthless and a failure, and makes me hit AL all the more?

                        In the end you have to do it for YOU, and of course it will benefit your family or your children; but I always feel horribly useless when people tell me to do it for my children.

                        Of course I want to do it. But desire and ability are two v diff things

                        Hang in there friend. It can get better. There IS HOPE

                        D2M x

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Where to begin...?

                          pople here are very caring and compationate but most of all understand... its perfect.
                          As ths is anon i feel i can be completely honest
                          I feel what ur saying the rewas second to none lationship me and brandon had for he 1st 18 months of his life , heartbroken he may see me like thi9s. dnt wnt tht. dnt want him to learn ths habitudal behaviour frm me.
                          kids shud be with their mums n dads defo.
                          but ive nvr experienced it when ur mum/dqd ain wot they shud b
                          To see a world in a grain of sand
                          And a heaven in a wildflower.
                          Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
                          And eternity in an hour.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Where to begin...?

                            I can hear how much you love him in your posts. You must mean the world to him and him to you. It's tough being a mum and must be even harder being young and single. Alcohol will not solve your problems, it will just make everything worse.

                            Tomorrow is a new day, make it your Day 1. Do this One Day at a Time and you will change the future. You sound so sad and despairing, I'm genuinely worried for you. You deserve happiness and you will not find it at the bottom of the bottle you are drinking.
                            If alcohol made you happy I should be the happiest person alive! I'm not.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Where to begin...?

                              Hi Lost Soul, you've made the first step and now you can start your journey with these incredible people who will encourage and support you. I beat myself up all the time because I feel guilty that I'm failing my children. Even when I don't drink I feel guilty about something else. THat's a mother's curse I think. SO what I'm trying to say is try not to beat yourself up, as in my experience it causes me to want to drink and there's the vicious circle. You are brilliant, beautiful, bright and brave so go out there with your head held high and say 'I CAN do it'.
                              Love and best wishes xx
                              Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.

                              Comment

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