Another Newbie

[KathyB]

I'm here because I am making my husband miserable with my alcohol addiction. I drink approximately 3-4 large wine spritzers after work on workdays and 6-7 on (my) weekends. My days off are Wednesday and Thursday so this is my weekend. Anyway, I had my first large spritzer around 4:30p yesterday and then went to dinner with my husband where I proceeded to get a half a carafe of wine for myself (husband doesn't drink). I guess because I was drinking the wine without the spritz and probably a stronger wine than I keep at home, I became extremely inebriated to the point I do not even remeber leaving the restaurant. My husband told me this morning I was very ugly to him, telling him I was not happy with him and did not want to stay in our marriage. My husband is the best thing to happen to me and I don't want to lose him. He used to drink with me but I have turned him off of alcohol by my uncontrolled use of it. I purchased the "My Way Out" book and hypnotherapy cd package plus the supplement Kudzu (I actually have some of this in my pantry but it's not as strong as that recommended) and I'm trying to decide whether I should go to the doctor today to request a prescription for Topamax. I am actually on vacation for the next week and my husband and I are going to Atlanta for (his) weekened this Friday through Sunday and he is saying he dosen't want to go now because he is afraid if I do drink, it will be to excess and if I don't drink, I'll be hostile. Any advice?

[InnerStrength]

Another Newbie

Hi and welcome

Hi Kathy
Sounds like you are already on the right track by ordering the book and geting the kudzu - and finding this site - you are so welcome here!! Please read the various posts and get acquainted with the site. There are tons of great people here to support you - we are really like a family.
I have to say that I relate very much to your story- very often, when I drank wine to excess, I became ugly or hurtful to my husband. Dont know why - we have had our problems but he is wonderful. He has become nervous when I drink ((though this is lifting now because of this program and my new ability to be more moderate) becasue I would sometimes get so downright mean.
I just wanted to say you have come to the right place. Feel free to message me anytime. For me, the topa has made a real difference - but there are tons of others who have done great without it and I am sure you will hear from many of them.
Hugs
Jen:welcome: :h

[KathyB]

Another Newbie

Thank you so much for your input Jen:flower:

[mountainmama]

Another Newbie

Hi, KathyB~
I, also tend to get kind of mean with my husband when I drink. Sometimes I think that I really make sense, but the next morning, when I'm trying to figure out what I said to him, and why he looks so hurt when he kisses me and the kids goodbye before work, I have a sense of dread... OH GOD, what did I SAY THIS TIME???? (Even though I know it is something about me needing to get away from this, and blah blah blah...) I have found a sort of sanctuary with this MWO community. I feel sort of hypocritical when I say I'm trying so hard, but then I really really slip sometimes. BUT, we all slip, its just nice to have some reassurance when we do.

I think that you might have a really supportive person in your life. Your husband does not drink, so a lot of times that makes you feel bad. My husband drinks a LOT, but always seems in control of everything. I let myself just get to having a good time with him, and all of a sudden, I am TRASHED...and I see a look of pity in his eyes...(What is this?? I never wanted pity????)

Sometimes, in the morning, I'm afraid to open my eyes. Because I remember little pieces of our conversation, that went something like(and this is my side of it) "I can't be with you anymore... I need to just get away" or "I don't want a divorce, neccessarily, I just need to seperate myself from this..." and, as you can imagine, it never goes very well... I'm always making excuses. My drunk self really wants to get away from his enablement(how ironic?), but the SOBER me, doesn't want to let him go??

Anyhoo, just thought I would say hello, and WELCOME!!! You will find a lot of support here, and many people that you didn't think existed, because, didn't you just feel all alone in this before?? I know I did... But it's getting better. There is something to those supplements (and the support from the community), for sure!!

Good luck to you, and welcome (and hugs...)
Krystal

[Helen]

Another Newbie

Hi Kathy - I think you are on the right track too. It might not work over night, but I think it can. The CDs and hte supps and the walking are VERY helpful. I didn't try to Topomax, but I feel more in control. One of my biggest motivations is how really bad and scared I can feel in the morning trying to figure exactly what it is that I said to my husband the night before - he is wonderful and I hat that I hurt him when I over do it... hang in there.

[crankycroc]

Another Newbie

Hi Kathy,

I only came across this site by accident this morning, I admire your courage to change, I rang my partner at work today and said we need to change. We had people comong for dinner tonight, I cancelled so as we can sit down and have a closer look at where we're headed if we don't change. I have had many occasions where I remember nothing, yet we have had huge rows and I am the first to admit being drunk does no small miracle for my language and attitude. I started drinking heavier to help with anxiety and now oneis never enough.

Good luck, cranky.

[AMELIA]

Another Newbie

Hi Kathy,

Yes I know that awful feeling, waking up the morning after and not knowing what I have said. I am so lucky to be blessed with a very loving partner who still supports me regardless. I haven't started on my regime yet, but have all the necessary bits including the topamax. I did a brief attempt at the 30 day abstinence (only lasted 13 days) and then stopped taking the tabs - I guess I just wanted that feeling of relaxation again.... So I know that they do work - definately and for me the topamax was the key.
I am aiming to start again on Monday. I wish you all the very best of luck.

Joanne Amelia x

[AMELIA]

Another Newbie

Hey Cranky,

Well done for cancelling your dinner party and sitting down to access things. The remembering nothing is probably a good indication that too much alcohol has been consumed. My partner and I have gone for years 'pretending' a bottle or two (sometimes 3) of wine of an evening is acceptable. I know its an issue as we can't seem to have a night off. I took myself to an alcohol counsellor this afternoon to start treatment with them and then will start the program that Kathy is talking about this Monday coming.
I wish you all the luck in the world for working through your alcohol and anxiety issues.

Joanne Amelia

[KathyB]

Another Newbie

Wow!

I am heading back to work today after my week's vacation and decided to come back to this forum to see if by chance I'd gotten any more responses to my post...wow! I really appreciate everyone's input! Mountainmama you nailed it on the head when you said "I have a sense of dread...OH GOD, what did I say this time????" Pretty much every morning I anxiously wait to see how my husband is going to treat me because that let's me know if I got out of hand the night before or not. If he gives me a wary look or keeps his distance, I know I got out of hand and I am in for a scolding about how difficult it is for him to deal with me. He says I'm nothing like the Kathy that he loves when I am inebriated. My father was an abusive alcoholic and I cannot believe I am in this place today. I did not start drinking regulary until I quit smoking five years ago. I never thought I'd allow myself to become addicted to alcohol. I have high hopes for the "My Way Out" program to help me get control. I really appreciate the support offered here. I plan to spend more time reading up on other's experiences and advice offered in this forum. Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories and for offering encouragement.