This is my first time doing this/confronting this in the semi-open. I am what?s euphemistically called a coping alcoholic ? I?m managing to disguise my shortcomings to some extent and I?m not drinking during the working day. I want to get some stuff off my chest and anonymity is helpful. I have a fundamental, pressing need to fix myself and have had it for an awfully long time ? I?ve parked it, nudged around it, said I would fix it, accommodated it & lied awake worrying about it.
Starting off, but not as an excuse, I knew I was in the danger zone insofar as a lot of my antecedents were in trouble. Not surprisingly, I ignored all the warnings. My father in his last years spoke about committing his mother for alcoholism and having to deal with his father being drunk on the streets of a major small town in Ireland. My grandfather was, apparently, the highest paid man in the community, but he had the gene.
I replicated my dad?s experience and had my mother committed to Grangegorman, a mental institution in Dublin ? a hugely traumatic experience but one I thought had to be gone through.
I?m in a funny place right now. I had a successful business which I sold 9 years ago, but also at the time I walked away from my wife and family for someone I fell in love with and whom I love completely to this day. I?ve four kids and my objective was to look after them all through expensive schooling until they were all sorted. My ego can?t let them down and my youngest is about to be 17.
All the money I got at the time (a considerable sum) is now gone through keeping what the family had going as was. My guilt and peculiar sense of responsibility has meant I?ve run out of money and I?m now facing into dodgy territory. I?m 55 and have spent everything, but need to keep hacking on. The one crutch that I rely on needs to be lost if I?m going to keep the ship afloat. All advices welcome.
Starting off, but not as an excuse, I knew I was in the danger zone insofar as a lot of my antecedents were in trouble. Not surprisingly, I ignored all the warnings. My father in his last years spoke about committing his mother for alcoholism and having to deal with his father being drunk on the streets of a major small town in Ireland. My grandfather was, apparently, the highest paid man in the community, but he had the gene.
I replicated my dad?s experience and had my mother committed to Grangegorman, a mental institution in Dublin ? a hugely traumatic experience but one I thought had to be gone through.
I?m in a funny place right now. I had a successful business which I sold 9 years ago, but also at the time I walked away from my wife and family for someone I fell in love with and whom I love completely to this day. I?ve four kids and my objective was to look after them all through expensive schooling until they were all sorted. My ego can?t let them down and my youngest is about to be 17.
All the money I got at the time (a considerable sum) is now gone through keeping what the family had going as was. My guilt and peculiar sense of responsibility has meant I?ve run out of money and I?m now facing into dodgy territory. I?m 55 and have spent everything, but need to keep hacking on. The one crutch that I rely on needs to be lost if I?m going to keep the ship afloat. All advices welcome.
I hope to get to know you.
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