God i feel so guilty

[Maddie]

I'm back, after 12 months of trying to do it myself with many many many failures i'm re-engaging with the my way out program.

Scared but can't live another day in which i lose control and hurt those closest to me... OMG i can't believe the things i say or do when i'd drunk a bottle of vodka... given up wine, substitued for beer and then turned to vodka, my tolerance for the stuff has increased at an alarming rate.

My family has been patient, i've had alot to deal with this year, loss of a parent and my business of ten years, but after last nights effort i feel i may have pushed my limits..... How could they not know i drink every day??? i'm shocked at the reaction when i fall hard and it's obvious i've drunk to excess......my husband is so so mad at me but still continues to think it's just a once in a while problem, which it's not...it's a every minute of every day problem that dispite my best wishing is not going away....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

Action plan:
Going to mums, confess and get her support to go AL
Bikram yoga 3-4 times a week - can't drink whilst doing bikram, you pass out, i've tried
back to listening to the my way out tapes
back to taking topamx - i hate taking it, it makes me sleepy and feel drunk.. will try very low dose at night

Wish me luck

XOXO

[chrysa]

God i feel so guilty

Way to go Maddie...

[MojoBone]

God i feel so guilty

Nice Plan...

:new:

When I drink I am an everyday drinker too, and people/family did not have a clue until I confessed or just didn't care if they noticed. Vodka was the bane of me as well. Hang in there, the are having selective perceptions probably so they don't have to cope with the effects.

Just hit day 4 of withdrawls, and should have sought help... it was bad. So even though the meds wonk you it is better than that scenario.

And exercise is something I have to get into my world again as well as my spirituality to stay off the stuff.

Blessings

[com1]

God i feel so guilty

Welcome Mo from an almost newbie. The honesty you have shown in your post suggests a very compassionate individual with a problem like the rest of us.

It appears you may need a bit of medical advice before withdrawal happens. But I do not know much about that as I have been lucky and no symptoms so far. Day 8 AF for me so don't know if it is still on the way.

MYO is a great place to lounge and listen and post. It helps me a great deal.

com1:welcome::new:

[choppersmom]

God i feel so guilty

:welcome: Maddie! You have a great plan laid out. How did it go with your mom? I can so relate to your story in so many different ways. Stay close, keep posting and keep reading. Again, welcome back!

Mojo, I just saw you on another post, but :welcome: again! Exercise has been a big factor for me (albeit I should be more consistent :H) Com gave you great advice to seek medical help for withdrawal. We are all here for you and Maddie.

Com, great job on day 8 :goodjob:

[Lavande]

God i feel so guilty

Welcome back Maddie,

Sounds like you mean business this time and with your plan - you'll make it! Sorry about your recent losses, makes things tougher.

MojoBone, welcome to you as well! After 4 days with withdrawal symptoms you should start to feel better very soon. Stay hydrated, lots of water & tea. Some healthy food and multivits should help too. A walk, some fresh air never hurt either.

I'm glad you are both here - read & post frequently - it helps

All the best,
Lavande

[DeeBee]

God i feel so guilty

Sounds like a solid plan you have there Maddie -- what about including "posting here daily"?

[voguefit]

God i feel so guilty

Morning Maddie and everyone else
I sooooo relate to the hubbie bit, i know 100% that im an alcoholic but my husband has selective recall, he just remembers the good times ie loads of uninhibited sex!!! and being his drinking buddy (it makes his drinking look tame!) You sound like your sick & tired of being sick & tired, exercise, supps and most of all sticking with this community will help as we're all in the same boat, in my experience family are well meaning, but don't have a clue. Keep going!

[cymru]

God i feel so guilty

Good to see you back maddie. Alcohol is powerfull, baffling and cunning, and it can creep up on us. Before we know it were right back where we started, and sometimes worse! Have you thought about some one on one help, like a councellor, AA or other agency. In my experience, there comes a time when face to face help is a huge step.
All the best on your new journey, and as bee said, keep posting!

[gyco]

God i feel so guilty

hi mad,wo.slow down,i have to say,is your mom a loving person,sheeeeeeeeeee,its alchohol,your gonna blow her away,stick around for a while,your family loves you,,or they would of left,easy to say,relax,dont drink, and gather your thots,stick around here,a bit,we care,andmaybe we can help gyco