i'm new on here, need some support please!!

[tomorrownevercomes]

i'm new on here, need some support please!!

I'm new and scared

I'm scared that I will die early and leave my two daughters behind without a mum. I've drunk for 20 odd years but only really heavy for 6yrs. I'm at a point now where I've arrived at a crossroads, and I have to recover or things will deterioate badly. I have a lovely family and lots of friends and a supportive and tolerant husband but every time I try to stop it just doesn't seem to work for me, mind you when I've tried to stop seriously, my husband's been away, my house is undergoing lots of work and I've not had anyone here to support me let alone a friend to stay to help me as they all suggest. I'm crying a lot and feel so alone and really could do with some words of support. I drink two bottles of wine a night most nights. I work every morning at a school, and have kept it going, and seem to carry on as normal but inside I'm crying out for help, I'm unhappy. I've tried AA, used detox medication, antibuse, but I stop when I feel I want a drink in 24 hours. I'm carrying on with every day life, my daughters are not neglected, I cook, clean, act happy to colleagues and I'm great with the kids but inside I'm shrivelling up. Hope to hear from some of you soon xxx

[TLC 2]

i'm new on here, need some support please!!

Never give up!

This may or may not be of any help however I feel your mind is very powerful! Learning to control your thought process when you want that first glass of wine will take some major focus and studying on how to control it. I love Joyce Meyer she has wonderful books and DVD's that will help in this area. You can google her.
Today I received a text on my cell that I think it stemmed from my face book account, but I?m not sure it may have been my angels knocking heavy on my door but it read this:
?Always be sure to drink in moderation, a classy flirt never gets too drunk! WOW I?m thinking where did this text come from, but it made me think of my marriage I?ve been with him for 20 years and he was always the heavy drinker, now when I do drink it?s easy for me not to give a crap and drink the entire bottle. I don?t want to loose my marriage to my drinking. It made me think of past parties I had way too much to drink and he never said a word. How embarrassing. What am I doing to myself and self respect? What am I teaching my girls? It seems like it went from not just that one party on a holiday where I may have had one too many to a pattern. Again it?s a lifestyle and it starts by forming a habit, one day at a time and finding your purpose here on earth while we?re here. You do have a purpose, and it sounds like you have made a difference in your kids life as well as your friends. Stay close to positive people who lift you up not drag you down.
Hang in there Never give up! One day something will just click and work for you...