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Three Time's a Charm, Right?

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    #1

    Three Time's a Charm, Right?

    Hello All -

    This is my third time here on this website (I had another name before) and I have to say that I have never been so ashamed and disgusted with myself in all my 44 years. I have a wonderful family life, a good job, a great life, yet I continue to drink every night. I am a functioning alcoholic. Nobody is the wiser. I am a great hider nowadays. And I hide it now...all the time. I am ridiculous. I am a wino. I drink at least a bottle a day. If I can?t get wine, I will sneak a little shot from the bar downstairs ? which I never did before. I won?t overdo the hard alcohol because I really do not like it; however I need to ?take that edge off?. I think if I did not eat well and take my supplements I would be in poorer physical health. Imagine how healthy I would be without poisoning myself every night? My memory is not as sharp, and I am not sleeping well. I KNOW if I stop this nonsense I will feel better and be a better wife and mother. I am so upset and embarrassed. Why can?t I just NOT drink? What compels me to HAVE to drink ? why do I need to slam down a glass the minute I get home in order to start the night? It was not like that three months ago? Why am I doing this to myself? I don?t even like the way it makes me feel, but I do it anyways! I feel like such a stupid idiot. I want to stop so badly. I don?t drink if I am driving and do not drink to excess ever even if I am out and not driving (usually family functions, no bars etc.) Why do I drink at home? AUGH. I apologize for babbling, but I feel the flood gates just opened up ? I have no one to talk to. If my husband notices, he says nothing. I think my 15 year old thinks something is up, but because I don?t drink so much that I seem impaired (at least to me, so I may be wrong) I am not sure if she is the wiser. All I know is I need to stop and I WANT to stop. With all my heart, I WANT TO STOP. Thanks for listening and I am hoping that I can come back and be part of this group of supportive people. God knows I need it.
    Thanks for listening.
    K
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    #2
    Three Time's a Charm, Right?

    The number 3 is a curious thing. In some instances it's a charm.......and others it's not quite as forgiving. ( Like 3 time loser or 3 strikes and your out.) Sorry to get philosophical on you. Take as many times as you must to stop.....because when you stop trying you have lost for ever.....LOL IAD
    ?Be who you are and say what you feel because
    those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?
    Dr. Seuss

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      #3
      Three Time's a Charm, Right?

      Hi Capa and welcome back.
      I know how hard it is but don't give up giving up.

      Comment

        #4
        Three Time's a Charm, Right?

        Welcome back Capa, the most important thing is that you are BACK, and willing to give it another try- We're all here for you, Stay close and read the posts, it WILL help
        DLW
        Sobriety since October 2008 ( with a few bumps in the road ) - but I am still here, strong and fighting every day for my sobriety!
        And every day is a challenge - But I am WINNING so far!



        • Yesterday is History
          Today is a Mystery
          Tomorrow is a GIFT

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          #5
          Three Time's a Charm, Right?

          Welcome capa maybe third time lucky!! Why dont you join our 4 day AF binge thread its a good start and today is day one again good luck x

          Comment

            #6
            Three Time's a Charm, Right?

            Hi CAPA! U picked a great time to come back, ive been here just over a week and there is so many suopportive, understanding people here!
            Rantings are good, Its great to get stuff off your chest, especially if you have difficultly talking about it!
            Love n gooh luck
            nisha xoxo
            To see a world in a grain of sand
            And a heaven in a wildflower.
            Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
            And eternity in an hour.

            Comment

              #7
              Three Time's a Charm, Right?

              Thanks everyone. I knew it was the right decision to come back! And thanks for the tip Stashia - I will do that!

              Comment

                #8
                Three Time's a Charm, Right?

                Hi and welcome back. I slipped up again after being af for 17 days. I drank all over the weekend and i was disgusted with myself for being weak over alcohol. Its monday so i'm going to try again. Back to my AA meetings. I don't sleep properly either and drinking makes it worse. I'm also on meds for depression and they also are not effective with alchol. I wish you the best of luck. It can be a struggle.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Three Time's a Charm, Right?

                  Never give up Firefox..........IAD
                  ?Be who you are and say what you feel because
                  those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?
                  Dr. Seuss

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Three Time's a Charm, Right?

                    Capa, your story sounds like mine. The wine, home from work, couldn't stop. Until now, since the hubby who only spoke up here and there and suffered in silence walked out.......
                    try try again, so this doesn't happen to you.

                    We can all do this together.

                    Winefree

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Three Time's a Charm, Right?

                      Capa - Your story could be mine! Except the part of no one knowing. I think I'd like to fool myself that that was the case, but I'm sure it's more obvious than I'd like to believe. Have you tried any meds? I tried topa, but couldn't handle the dopa aspect. I'm on Campral right now, and it seems to help with the cravings in the evenings... Good luck to you, and as the others said, don't stop trying!!
                      Sandy

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Three Time's a Charm, Right?

                        Hey! Welcome back. Good it be you are in a rut? You've been doing this sooo much you know have forced yourself to believe that you need to drink to get you through the night?
                        Try changing your routine. Instead of going home and opening that bottle, go home , maybe go in the garden and do some gardening, or go for a walk, maybe go to the gym or go swimming after work. After dinner, start taking a long ot bubble bath and do little pampering thin to yourself.
                        It is really hard to change the way we feel about drink, it's comsumed you and your thoughts. That's what it does. You need to break free and the only way of doing it is by staying away from the drink. Get rid of any in the house and get perpared for that horribe hair pulling, teeth gritting few weeks where the cravings are non stop. Yu gotta get passed it to move on.
                        Good luck.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Three Time's a Charm, Right?

                          Capa,
                          We have MUCH in common!! I too have tried multiple times!! I am also very functional and no one has spoken up about it but I am no longer convinced that it goes unnoticed!!! I have tried more than 3 times!! The number of times does not matter . . . .just the one that works!!
                          Evergreen

                          Not sure that made any sense!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Three Time's a Charm, Right?

                            Hi Capa - you sound determined. Mindset is 95% of the battle, in my experience...

                            It always amazes me when ppl say they're "hiding" their drinking! (I now live alone, so it's not an issue - unless I drunk-dial.. eeeek!!)

                            To ourselves, it seems we're "ok", but to someone who really knows us?? Very unlikely. I could tell if my mother had ONE drink - even over phone. And my brother has done the same w/me over phone... I would think if in person, it would be even more obvious. And I'm not talking drunk - just a couple drinks.

                            Even if not slurring words, our personality is affected to some extent. We may be more emotional, more "happy", etc. - but it's not our normal self.

                            That your husband/son don't say anything is curious. Maybe they just don't want a confrontation...
                            Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

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