New person - need a little bit of support...

[Miss Blossom]

Hi all,
I'm grappling with my demons (again). I give up wine for days or months and in some case years and then I'll have one drink and I'm off the wagon. I can't just have a single drink, what's the point? I get a hint of a buzz and I think if that's good, more must be great. I feel it in my stomach and it warms me emotionally. I keep drinking, until I need to go to sleep, and wake up feeling horrible about myself, my life and I feel sick. My head and stomach feels heavy and old, and I am only 39. I've got a great life, I have a job I love, a beautiful daughter, and a loving husband. Sure, I suffer depression and manage that, but there is no actual reason for any of this. It's throughout my family, on both sides, and I;m sick of it all, literally. I want to get above this once and forall, and I would hate going to meetings, but I think I can do this forum. It works for me in weightloss, so I am hoping it can work for me with drinking.
All I want is to feel bigger than the little thoughts that sit in my head saying one won't hurt... well it does hurt, over and over.
:new:

[brightlite]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Welcome Miss Blossom,

Read and post, check out the MWO Book and products. Do your research though. I do not have a lot of time under my belt, but keep trying. I'm going for the 4 day AF (Alcohol Free). It starts every Monday, would you like to join us?

Bright

[Miss Blossom]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Love to, thanks for the quick reply, I am at a place emotionally where I cannot feel good about my life or myself with this problem. I think that my problem is quite common, I'm a typical middle class mum, I drink nice wine, and look normal from the outside, except to my husband who knows I am battling with it. I drink about a bottle of wine a night easily and last night is was more than that, and I am angry with myself for being in such denial about it. I hide it away, but it is masking my insecurities and emotional issues, it softens the edges of old wounds that won't heal. It helps me to ignore issues that I should be dealing with.
Thanks for the support, I am officially on day one of not drinking.

[brightlite]

New person - need a little bit of support...

I know exactly how you feel. I am a wino too. It is a good place that you have come though. Set small goals to start...like the 4 days. Check in with us tomorrow.
Hugs to you!

Bright

[LilBit]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Welcome Miss B.! I love your screen name. It's the same name as a character in one of my favorite books. I'm with you in the "seems normal on the outside, but snarfs down one bottle of good wine a night" club. There are many like us. It seems ok (it's only wine, right?) but it's still ruinous. Good for you, for taking the first step, submitting that first scary post, and facing that first day, which really is the toughest. We are here for you.

[Seacailin]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Hello and Welcome
Good advice from brite. I wish you well as you begin your journey to happiness and freedom.

[Lavande]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Welcome Miss Blossom and LilBit,

You both have come to a wonderful place. These is lots of support & encouragement here for you. I am (was) a wino too. Didn't really seem like such a dangerous thing in the beginning but........over the years, it can beat you up!

I am nearly 7 weeks AF now - you can do it too!!
As mentioned by the others, read the book, make yourselves a good plan (one you can stick to), commit to it and jump on the wagon with the rest of us. You won't be sorry, I promise

All the best,
Lavande

[swans]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Welcome Miss Blossom,

I am there with you and many here, I loved my bottle of wine a night but no one knew except for the weight I have gained from it. There is hope, I managed days without A and could never do that before MWO. AA was not for me either.

Best of luck in your new road ahead, there is lots of support here.:welcome:

[Bluzgtar]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Miss Blossom:

Your are a prolific writer, it's great that you are here. Not to mention that you are a prolific writer. I have a challange. From your first memory thru today write your biography. Tell us your story! Where are the triggers, are you a party kind of girl, is it keeping up with the Hubster, or is it a gene in you that craves the alcohol. For me it's the gene. I hope I haven't aggravated you with my questions.


Blu

[ronnie]

New person - need a little bit of support...

:welcome: You will find alot of advise here, keep reading and keep posting I love this site as no-one ever judges anyone in anyway, join me on the 4 Day AF it is a really good thread, I am only on Day 2 AF and already I feel great. Love ronnie xx

[jinja]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Welcome Miss B!! I think many here can relate to you. You're not alone - a brilliantly comforting thought, and also terrifying to know how pervasive this is. No more thinking "oh, sod it - I've had a hard day, I deserve it". You deserve more!

Old emotional wounds do have a habit of ambushing us. Are you in a position where you can see a councellor? Someone to support you and help you gain strength in this area?

As you say, you have a good life. You have proven to yourself that you are capable of being sober for substantial periods of time. The mind shift to never is huge - maybe just stick with 'not today' for now - then 'not this week' etc.

Good luck & take care
xxx

[Miss Blossom]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Thanks guys - I appreciate all your responses and that you took the time to read my tale of woe. I took care of myself today - I started back with weightwatchers online, and I went to the gym and did a solid 40 minute workout. I then went to a traditional chinese medicine practitioner, and had a consultation, massage and acupuncture for my pain levels in my head and back.
I have had a calm day - not stressing about work or being a workaholic - which I normally am - and because I didn't need to escape work through the wine, I didn't feel I needed it.
I also put off having any Ibuprofen + Codeine (12.8mg) for my back until it was really bad - making sure I really needed it - not that I was just taking it for the codeine buzz.
My husband bought home a bottle of wine, and I didn't have any - just said "no thanks" and feel good for saying it.
I'm going to get an early night tonight, and perhaps go the the gym early and then have a massage and acupuncture after or the other way around, so I set myself up for a positive and healthy day again.
Thanks again for all the support - I will pop back in tomorrow. It's good because it makes me accountable to myself and allof you - as odd as that seems since I don't know any of you.
MB : )

[Luba]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Hey Miss B,
It is great to see another newbie discover MWO!. I am on the end of day 16 and have recently done the book, the DVD's, the supps, a psychologist and they are all very very helpful, however I have found that the support from these forums has been pivotal in keeping sober - the longest I have been sober since Feb 2005!!!
I also have read a book called Getting Sober by Kelly Erlandson. She suggests treating the banning alcohol from your hand rule - treating alcohol like a poisonous snake or a hazardous material that you can't touch as it will destroy you or poison your body (which when you think about it, alcohol does poison your body and mind, particualarly if you use it to excess like I have done.) Anyway,I have found this idea useful and imagine it in my mind when I think about alcohol and link this to imagining drinking and the terrible hangovers, feelings of regret and anxiety that drinking creates in me. This has worked for me.
Hope this helps and I encourage you to continue to post - these guys are incredibly supportive and wonderful.
Cheers,
Luba

[Boozygirl]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Hi Miss Blossom :welcome:

I only joined 2 days ago so I'm a newbie here too. I feel really positive and have found this site to be so supportive already. I was at the stage of drinking most days, a few ciders then at least a bottle of white white, I didn't stop til there was none left in house! Even arguing with my hubby saying he'd had more than me on many occasions. Sick of waking up feeling crap. Weekends pass me by, I do nothing then except drink wine then suffer all the next day.

I am really determined to do 30 days with nothing and take it from there.

Well done to you saying "no thanks" when offered wine by hubby. Great start already.

Boozy xx

[GratefulEm]

New person - need a little bit of support...

Hi Miss Blossom! What a blessing your post was to me at 5:00 A.M. this morning. I haven't been posting here for a couple of years, but today I looked up this site in desperation and read your post. At first I thought - did I write that last night and forget? But then I saw your age and I'm 20 years older.
There's a whole bunch of us out there who love our wine and rationalize it in all different ways. It's cultural! Great wine, Italy, New Zealand, France, California, it's so delicious, it belongs with meals! I just don't get that it's still alcohol and makes me feel like s--- the next day, hate myself, chastise myself and vow to never do it again until 4:30 P.M. rolls around again and I deserve that break from reality. I've made promises and ultimatums over and over again. It's such a pattern and so many of us do it. Once that bottle is uncorked, it must be finished! I know I need to turn away from it but the pull is so strong. Sometimes the only solution seems to be to lock myself away somewhere, but I'm a professional, well-respected and the only outward symptom at this point is my puffiness and weight gain. I'm a good faker. But I do want to thank you for being here, being honest and posting. I thought about your post all day, while I went to a professional conference feeling like crap from last night! I want some hope too. Sometimes I think the only way out is to just disappear from this earth. It gets very depression, this horrible cycle. Thank-you!