A new beginning

[JS81]

Hi,

I found the forum last night after Googling Campral. My doctor gave me a script for it yesterday and I took my first dose last night. I have been drinking for about 6 years now. It began innocently enough (as it often does) as a social activity with friends, but I began taking it home and I fear that it has become a real problem. My drink of choice is (was) Captain Morgan mixed with Coke.

This is actually my second go at Campral. I was on it for about two months back in 2006. At the time, I was unemployed and a full time college student. I also didn't process the medication through insurance so it was very costly and I couldn't afford it. I don't feel I was serious about cutting my drinking then anyway. Currently, I am in a much better financial situation, so the medication is affordable (you can't put a price on health anyway). I also feel that I am ready to fight this addiction tooth and nail.

I have been alcohol free for 9 days now. My drinking has always been in secret and my wife does not know the severity of my problem. She is out of town until Saturday night. When she returns, I plan to tell her about my problem and about the Campral. She knows I did go to the doctor this week but does not know the reason. Telling her will be a big step for me, as I have pretty much spun a web of deception these last few years to keep her and anyone else in my family from knowing. When I last tried Campral, I kept it secret because I thought I could deal with the problem on my own. Of course, I know that line of thinking is garbage and I need to be honest with my family about this.

Sorry for the long post. I look forward to reading and posting more. This seems like such a positive and nurturing place.

JS

[Seacailin]

A new beginning

Hello and Welcome JS
Well done on 9 days AF!!!! Look forward to seeing you around. Best wishes.

[Lavande]

A new beginning

Welcome JS,

Congrats on your 9 days, what a terrific start!
You sound like an intelligent yuong man with a good plan.

Hang in there and stay close, we will help if needed

All the best,
Lavande

[DeeBee]

A new beginning

Hi and welcome NB.

It sounds like you have got a plan together -- good for you.
Being honest and admitting our addiction is the first step -- I am wishing you all the best for this weekend's chat with your wife. I am sure she will be relieved to hear the truth and support you in your journey.

[ronnie]

A new beginning

Welcome JS, you have come so far 9 Days A/F is really great you must be so proud of yourself, keep reading and posting here, you will get great support, keep up the good work you are doing great love ronnie xx

[JS81]

A new beginning

Thanks, I really appreciate the warm welcome.

Unfortunately, I made a big mistake last night. I relapsed. The temptation was too strong and I gave in. My wife is out of town, and that is when I used to drink the most. I knew this week would be hard for that reason alone. Then she called me last night (she's in Vegas) and I could tell she had been drinking. That disturbed me. Third trigger was realizing that she had lied to me about paying a bill before she went on vacation.

I know these aren't excuses, I'm just trying to find reasons and identify my triggers. I guess the combination of these factors set me off. When I was buying that bottle I knew it was wrong, and I knew I would be having regrets today. My heart is breaking, I feel so bad about blowing my 9 AF days. It was such an accomplishment.

[startingover]

A new beginning

And you can do it again !
Look at this as a learning experience. In order to be sober we need to learn a new way of living, it doesnt happen all at once.
Dont get disheartened.
My advice would be to write down how you feel now, after drinking again. Be as detailed as you can. If you are tempted again, go and re read what you have written. It really will help you.
Oh and a huge welcome too! You can do this you know...

[Lemonhead]

A new beginning

JS - I found this site today and plan to check in every day. I haven't ordered any materials or spoken (ever) to my doctor about my drinking. Pretty scary, huh?

[mica]

A new beginning

Welcome, JS and Lemonhead!

You have found the absolutely best site for people like us. Good work! JS, do not, I repeat, DO NOT beat yourself up about your slip-up. It happens. Be proud of yourself for your commitment to do better. You have taken a big step in deciding to tell your wife, and perhaps it will be something you work on together! Having my sweetie away from home is a big trigger for me, too. Good luck this weekend, and hang in there. COme back here as often as you need.

Lemonhead, Hi! I have found that the MWO book and cds are really a help. One step at a time gets us there.
:welcome::welcome:

[rolypoly]

A new beginning

I'm strengthened and impressed by everyone's effort here....I had 3 af days 2 months ago...my big achievement. One af every now and then since.
I haven't felt as comfortable trying anywhere else. Baby steps for me for sure. Date night with my guy last night, had just one drink...but had a glass of wine earlier, whilst reading about not doing just that,

Have some supplements...going walking. Feel like I have a chance.
roly

[mica]

A new beginning

Oh, yeah, Roly, you have a chance! You are doing it, girl! Date night is a hard one for me... always my sweetie would have one or two, and I'd finish the bottle.... so congratulations on keeping it to just the two! Great work!

Walking is so therapeutic, isn't it! I think I'll join you. Good luck this weekend.

[barbah1]

A new beginning

not sure

Hi new here, not real familar with posting or chatting . nver done it .Always been too ashamed. Want t o slow down drinking. Ithink and hope this site can help me.

barbah1

[JS81]

A new beginning

Thanks for the support, everyone! :thanks:

startingover - yes, I have been recording my thoughts on drinking in a journal over the years. I find it has been beneficial to write down in detail my feelings as to why I need to stay sober. It's also a great way of tracking my progress. I even have a list of the specific reasons why I should not drink. I've been meaning to make a small copy that I can keep in my wallet by my debit card. I think that may help should I find myself back at the liquor store.

Lemonhead - I was a little fearful before I spoke with my doctor about my drinking problem for the first time. In retrospect, I suppose I was afraid that he was going to say that I needed to go to rehab. However, he told me about and gave me a prescription for Campral (which I knew next to nothing about then) and we talked about AA and other support groups I could attend. When I stopped taking Campral, I canceled my follow up appointments. I suppose a part of it was out of fear and embarrassment. So, I feel like I know what you're going through with regard to not talking with your doctor, although in my case I didn't want to follow up. The thing that you have to remember is that your doctor is there to help you. If you can admit to him/her that you have a problem, they can help you find solutions to get back on track. It was my first step in getting help and I actually think it was easier than telling my family will be. It was tough, but I am glad that I told my doctor because I now have a plan and a starting point.

rolypoly - nothing wrong with baby steps. Take it hour by hour if need be.

[Doggygirl]

A new beginning

Hi JS and welcome to My Way Out. Congratulations on the steps you have taken so far to face up to your problems with alcohol and work towards solving them. I often find value in reminding myself that alcohol is not just a "party thing" that I over indulge in if I drink at all. It can be deadly for people like us. That reminder to myself helps keep me from trivializing the problem.

I used to go to GREAT lengths to "hide" my drinking. Or at least hide the actual quantity of my drinking. Being honest to those closest to me was very freeing. And in my case, my skills at "hiding the problem" were not nearly as finely hones as I thought they were. My husband was quite relieved that I was willing to admit a problem and do something about it.

There are tons of great people and lots of good advice on this forum. Check out the tool box thread in the Monthly Abstinence section of the forum. It is "stickied" so it's always at the top of that section.

Strength to you!

DG

[Lavande]

A new beginning

Hello everyone,

Lots of new folks here this week - that's great
There is strength in numbers!

Whether it's your first day, second day or whatever - hang in there. You won't be sorry.
It's a wonderful thing to go to sleep and wake up with a clear mind with no worries about who you may have offended the night before. I don't miss that at all!!

You will discover something wonderful each and every day living sober................

Best wishes,
Lavande