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[Evie.Lou]

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I responded to your PM Goldie and I meant what I said.....You are GOLD !!!!!!!!!

[Ockmed]

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Hello

Hopefully with this you'll find that your not alone. I myself drank for many years and I felt ashamed all the time and to embarrassed to seek help. I'm new to the site, and I'm not a doctor but I can tell you that there's hope for you and your family. As much as you love them you need to look at your life first. I know I had a hard time being selfish and look after #1. But when I hit rock bottom with a DUI conviction I knew I had to save myself. Please keep your head up! I pray alot too and it's the one thing we need and I'm not a very relegious person, but I'm a Christian. Your posting is the first I've read and just the only one I have time to respond to. You are not worthless - cause the world needs people like yourself who care about people! Now you just have to care of you! Try buying a Liquid Mind cd - it helps. The craving for alcohol is tough I know --- I have anxiety with no craving but now I lack Social Skills from being full of beer for 25 some years. I hope to start my diet as soon as I get the right one's (with the proper dosages). You have a friend here if you need it. And hang on too - all of us here will take this ride together! Smile please and know you are worth a lifetime of LOVE! Like the Beatles say: "All you need is Love"!

[GoldieGirl]

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Tired of this path

Well, I am hanging my head....I'm back to day 2. Sat night that "voice" took a hold of me and I drank a bottle of wine. Sun I didn't drink. Mon I drank a bottle of wine. You know what my biggest stressor right now is.....my 2 alcoholic sons....ironic, isn?t it.

My youngest son (35) had an aortic valve replacement 2 1/2 mo ago. They also replaced part of his aorta. He developed, after surgery - compartment syndrome in his right arm, from that he developed renal failure, had emergency surgery on his arm, went into cardiac arrest and was revived. In cardiac intensive care 5wks, on dialysis 3 wks (praise God - his kidney function returned), he had a trach for 4 weeks, and currently has lost the use of 50% of his arm function and has a lot of arm pain. Very short version of a very long story. He drank heavily before the surgery. After the surgery & complications he was never going to drink again..he has to take Coumidin, possibly forever. Drinking & Coumidin are big no no's together. I found out 3wks ago he was drinking. When my oldest son called me at work and told me - I was shell shocked. I actually, left work and went home and cried and actually didn't drink. He is drinking beer & hard liquor, and he is behaving very strange when he drinks - mean. He was never ever like this before. I believe it is the medications & alcohol. My daughter-in-law said if he does not seek professional help she will take my grandson (13) and leave him. She does not want my grandson to watch his father kill himself. I know and realize he is under extreme stress - he and his wife both lost their jobs from a local industry that is going under, they are forced now to sell their home and he does not know if he will regain 100% use of his arm. God gave him a new chance at life - and as much as I understand about alcoholism I am struggling with this.....he had no alcohol for 2 months. He knows the deadly effect this could have on him - yet he drinks.

Now back to me - same applies to me right. Alcohol has deadly effects on each of us in different ways. I can't believe it got me too.

I said to my daughter in law this weekend....we prayed and prayed and had people all over the US praying for my son-her husband when he was so gravely ill...why, then does God let this happen....her reply, and I know this...it is the devil testing us. Yes, it is a disease, a disease of the devil.

I am going to conquer this, I will not let the devil win - I need to be accountable and every day, instead of "whenever" I am going to reply here to all of you that I've had another AF day. Today is Day 2 and I can do it.

I pray and thank each of you for your words of encouragement and support and again, I'm sorry to be so windy. Blessings and love, Goldie

[cacky]

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Goldie, I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe i am going through what i am going through maybe to be able to help others through what they are going through. Maybe that is why you developed this disease so you can now help your kids. Anyway, i would reach out to whoever can help. I told my kids (twin 10 year olds) school. I know most people wouldnt but i needed help. I told my doctor (and recently saw her at an AA meeting..she is in the program...go figure). I have learned that people in general want to help. Ask for help you may find that you get the help you need. I am not AF. I am AF when i know i have to drive, when i know i am going to have my kids, going to go into work or going to go to AA meetings. This leaves very little free time to drink. Anyway my point is dont suffer in silence.

[LilBit]

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:l Hugs, Goldie! I don't have any answers unfortunately, but I do care, and can tell how frustrated & scared you are. Hang in there, and my thoughts and prayers go with all of you.

[GoldieGirl]

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I'm on Day 3 AF and I feel good about i. Last night I had the thought about stopping on the way home from work, after all I am stressed to the max.......but said keep driving home, keep going, don't do it, think of kids, grandkids, etc and I did it.

I am trying to focus on the following in this order - honoring God for the life he has given me, the 4 wonderful children I have, 6 positively awesome grandchildren, a husband-that drives me a little nutty, but I do know loves me, faults and all. I have a good job at the moment, although I could be on the brink of losing it - company realignment. I want to give something back to say - thank you God for what I have. I don't want to waste what precious minutes I have left on this earth. Why do we throw our time away???

Hope this is a day of peace for everyone. Goldie