ODAT Saturday - May 16th, 2009

[CAPA]

Good Morning Everyone!

I needed to start this thread - and fess up. I was AF for almost 5 days, then last night I caved and bought a big bottle of wine - In my head I knew I was planning it and fought with mysellf. I did not physically crave it, I just decided that I DESERVED it. What a freaking JOKE. I drank about two big glasses and realized that I am weak and stupid and got so angry at myself. Ended up that my anger spilled over into a semi-argument about something which I overreacted to. I am also PMSing like a mad woman (sorry TMI) so that surely did not help the situation. I remember everything, was not drunk or anything but am so ashamed and feel like I let myself and everyone down. Went to bed upset, and then the baby (2) woke up around 2:00 am and barfed everywhere - God's way of punishing me ! Must have been something she ate - she is fine this morning, thank God. Lots of laundry to do today! Anyway, sorry to babble, but I feel terrible that I let the beast win last night - although I did not drink as much as usual, I still drank which I did not want to do. So annoyed with myself.

Here's to starting over and feeling better. Sigh.

K

[rustop61]

ODAT Saturday - May 16th, 2009

Hi Capa and everyone else

Know exactly how you feel. We have all been there and done that at some stage or another. Today is another day and the important thing is to get back to being AF. Hope the rest of the day goes ok for you.

Everyone else big hello, just a quick check in, will try and get back later.

Rustop

[com1]

ODAT Saturday - May 16th, 2009

Morning Cap, and :welcome: back,

Good ol' AL has to be the most devious and manipulative one I know. Sounds like AL decided that you had been on such good behavior the last few days that you DESERVED a bit of respite. And that would entail a wonderful glass of AL. Sometimes AL throws the self-pity angle at us. (Why should we be so unlucky so as not to have AL when we want it? Why is that other person allowed to know AL personally and I cannot?)

We need to always remember how strong and devious AL is and how much it wants to always be a part of our lives. AL plays on our emotions on an individual basis. Advertisers are constantly telling us that we deserve something or another and we begin to believe it. Whether true or not! Whether we can afford it or not! AL utilizes every strategy he can to come back into our lives. We need to always be on guard.

Sorry for the long reply.

Keep your head high realizing that sly, devious, manipulative AL got to you once again but you are now wiser for it.

ODAT

Com1

[Lavande]

ODAT Saturday - May 16th, 2009

Lesson learned CAPA,

We've all had our turn! Don't waste your day beating yourself up, just move on...........
Look at it this way, at least you have now identified PMS as a trigger (haven't we all?). I learned to handle my PMS days by removing myself (as much as possible) from family, friends, anything that would irritate me for a few days. PMS is a beast in and of itself

Wishing you a better day,
Lavande

[time2change]

ODAT Saturday - May 16th, 2009

CAPA
I just wanted to lend some support. It seems you know what you want, so do not give up and don't spend time regretting the past. Life is too short. Onward and upward!!!

[Boss.man]

ODAT Saturday - May 16th, 2009

Happy Saturday All. It will be the hottest day of the year today, 82 degrees. I'm already up and doing outdoor tasks to plan for a "patio evening". I'm not even craving this week, after a binge last week. Either the binge was "that bad" or I'm just getting used to not drinking at night. I'm going to a CBT therapist starting Monday to try to gain ways to cope with anxiety. Maybe that is my problem is that I just overused alcohol to deal with stress. That seems to be key for me.

CAPA - some random thoughts: For me, the more I "quit" the stronger the bottles called to me. What worked was to "gain" in new habits. When the bottles call, I think about alternates that I can "splurge" on that would be special; mineral water, fancy fruit juice, fresh mint, combined, for instance. I used to walk by pomegranate juice because it was so-o-o expensive when it is still half the cost of the cheapest wine. I have sparkling pear available locally and I like that a lot, although I still water it down so it's not so fizzy or sweet. I'm using stevia drops now to sweeten stuff (it's an herb that's made into concentrate). It works for anything including water. That tends to fill a gap in my evening wine glass. Hope this helps someone.

[JS81]

ODAT Saturday - May 16th, 2009

CAPA - I made a mistake last night too. It happens. But today is a new day and a new start. You will get more AF days, I know you will. I identify strongly with what you said. On one hand, you can go for so long without drinking and feel really great about it. The flipside is that you start to feel like you don't have an addiction and that you need to "reward" yourself and indulge. Everyone else can do it, so why shouldn't you? These thoughts are part of alcohol's game, and I try to look at it as a ploy to get us to return to the bottle. If anything, I see it as a desperate move on AL's part because you feel so strong for being clean and it uses that against you.

Hang in there. You're certainly not alone!

[Sante]

ODAT Saturday - May 16th, 2009

Hi CAPA and everyone else,
I totally relate. I was doing great and then one big slip. I'm hoping to get back to AF, but I'm afraid: I get really down and depressed and, to be honest, the A helps to a point and, then, well, we all know what happens next: it seduces us and then drags us down.
I hope all of you are hanging in there. One of these days, I'll get humble and beat this monster.
Sante