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**jessie** · May 17, 2009, 08:08 AM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

Welcome quitin time - why don't you join the 4 day AF bingers - you can pm me for mutual support. It is a great bunch of people here.

**DeeBee** · May 17, 2009, 08:27 AM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

Hi and welcome Q!
I haven't tried hypnosis myself but I've heard positive reports from those who have.
You have my utmost respect for looking after your wife 24/7, I can't even begin to understand what you must go through in a day.
Please stick around, join one of the daily threads, and keep posting.

**Lavande** · May 17, 2009, 01:43 PM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

Hi Quitin,

So sorry to hear about your wife's situation. I do know how difficult it is providing end of life care. I did it for both of my parents, it was very difficult and I'm a nurse!

Somehow or another, we caretakers need to remember to take care of ourselves too. Fitting in a little time for yourself each day is difficult but very necessary. Do you have a friend or relative nearby that can stay with your wife for an hour or two while you go clear your head? It really is helpful.

The Hyponotherapy CDs from the MWO program are very useful, I think. They've taught me to relax and really reinforce what I need to know to stay AF. Give them a try, it can't hurt!

My best wishes for peace & comfort for you & your wife,
Lavande

**obzpodboy** · May 17, 2009, 03:51 PM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

Hi,
I cannot begin to comprehend how difficult your situation must be, but it's clear that it's a testament to your commitment to quitting that you have approached the site. Well done. And best of luck. You play guitar? Me too. Styles? I generally find it's a good distraction during the times when I all I want to do is sit on the sofa slugging bottles of booze. Although, I've no moral high ground to claim for myself at the moment. After a year or more of moderation things have begun to slip. My family are away taking care of my wife's sick mother and, shamefully, the boredom and loneliness has given way to a return to my old boozy ways.
Pathetic really.

**Seacailin** · May 17, 2009, 04:41 PM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

God Bless you Q
What a wonderful man you are. I am so sorry about your situation. I know that your wife wants you to be healthy and happy and you can do it!!! I find the hypno CDs helpful. I am glad that you are here. Let us know how we can be of help.

**QuitinTime** · May 17, 2009, 07:15 PM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Its 8PM and I got thru the day. Tomorrow will be another story especially in the afternoon - I'll check in then and try and keep busy. My wife doesn't complain about the drinking - if anything she pretty much says its ok - but I know its not so there it is. I want to feel better and abstinence is the right road.

I find playing helps but I can't always do it when she's around - I have other home hobbies too to keep busy but everything like that is done somewhere else in the house - knocking down wine is one thing I can do around her watching TV - so we are together. I'm trying to spend as much time with her that I can while she's still here. So I'm going to read or write you guys on this thing. I expect I'll slip up - but the overall deal is to quit. THats where I'm going today.

**Angelcakes** · May 17, 2009, 07:45 PM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

Dear Q...I can't imagine your situation but it makes me very sad to know you're going through this. Stay here, make some friends...you might need us in the future.
Some believe the separation from your wife is temporary...you'll be together again.

xo

**Winefree** · May 17, 2009, 09:28 PM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

Hi Q. Sorry to hear about your wife. She sounds blessed to have you there for her at this time. Keep reading and posting. We are all trying to stop this unhealthy relationship with AL.

Winefree

**QuitinTime** · May 19, 2009, 04:40 PM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

DIdn't do so good yesterday. AM paying for it today, however I dumped the rest and am determined tonight is going to be straight and sober. One day at a time, tomorrow can take care of itself - thanks for caring and kind words and stuff.

**mica** · May 19, 2009, 06:36 PM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

from someone who understands

Oh, my dear, you have my deepest sympathy. What you are going through is so very hard. My advice to you is to do what you are doing, be with your wife absolutely as much as you can. My heart breaks for both of you. I had a little experience with what you are going through now, when my husband was in the hospital for three weeks this winter. Being with him all day, then coming home and spending an hour and a half on the phone updating his family and friends on his very grave condition, doing all the household chores like taking care of our critters.... by the time that all was done, all I had the energy for was to cry. And, yes, drink lots of wine. My husband came home from the hospital better than ever, thank God, but part of the terror I felt (still feel) came from the fact that my first husband died shortly before his 30th birthday, and I know that I do not have what it takes to be a widow again.

My first husband was my best friend. We had a lovely life together for two years, one month and sixteen days. Then one day he went out fishing with his buddies. A freak storm came up, he headed the boat in to shore and told his friends to get under the tarp. A huge clap of thunder sounded and the boat started going in circles... lightning had struck my love right over his heart. That happened more than twenty years ago, and I still miss him. I believe he pulled strings in heaven for me to meet my current husband, and we have been very happily together for almost 18 years, but I still am petrified of going through it again.

I tell you all this to let you know that there are people out here who do, indeed understand. Please do not be too hard on yourself if you slip. Only you know how much you can do, and what you can do. Please keep reading and posting. I, for one, will be looking for updates, to see how you are doing. Please know that you and your wife will be in my prayers. Do not forget to take care of yourself. A deep hug from me, for you and for your wife. :l

**QuitinTime** · May 19, 2009, 08:55 PM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

THanks MICA. I'll try to do that - you know youve been thru this - life is pretty weird right now. I spend as much time with my bride as I can - but she doesn't want to be smothered and I need some QT time. So I have a couple of things I can do to get away. The most important thing is her quality of life right now - all the other stuff can wait until later. I'm told as a care-giver I need to take breaks and so I do - and it does help. We try to carry on as normal (which for us hasn't been normal for 20+ years now). I'm sure she has a lot of things going thru her mind and she gets to talk with her nurses and friends about things so as to not burden me - I do the same with some friends - only one about the booze thing though - he's in worse shape than me sometimes. With her and I its best this way because we 'd depress each other too profoundly if we dwelt too much on it - we do talk though occasionally about this whole thing. So its not being buried away. Besides - she could surprise the Drs, ya never know.

Weve had a great run together - 38 years and while there were the usual quibbles we worked hard at being more than a team but the sum of two. Weve been through a lot together and it has made us stronger - but drinking is one battle I have to fight with God's help alone. Its gonna take some time but I'll get there.

I'm determined that I'm going to at least stay the course - did it with smoking - it took me years to beat it but once she was told she couldn't smoke anymore - I was already there. I would do 5 cigs on a weekend with some drinks and then trash the pack - found out I dont even think about them unless Ive got a drink in the hand and someone offers me a smoke - sometimes I go for it mostly I don't. THats over. If I can get booze to be the same way it'll be great.

I'm waiting for the Lglut to come in the mail and I'll start with that - and maybe kudsu too.

But thanks. Hugs back at ya.

**startingover** · May 20, 2009, 01:08 AM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

Mica, QT, your posts have both moved me more than I can imagine.
REading your stories and feeling your courage and compassion come through your posts, has had quite an effect on me.
Huge hugs to both of you.

**LilBit** · May 20, 2009, 08:35 AM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

Ditto, Mica and Q! What a lot you've both been through.

Q, you are SO brave for even thinking about going AF during this difficult time in your life. So many people would be lost in self-pity (and with good cause), and not even thinking about taking such bold steps. So, kudos to you for going through all that and managing to have your head on straight at the same time -- you're an inspiration!

Mica, I felt it when I read your story like a deep heavy weight on my heart. I'm so sorry went through all that. Wow. But it's part of what makes you so strong now and makes you...well, you!

Hugs to both, and you're in my prayers.

LB

**QuitinTime** · May 20, 2009, 02:57 PM

Gonna try it all again. Nuther Guitar player too

LilBit;617619 wrote: Ditto, Mica and Q! What a lot you've both been through.

Q, you are SO brave for even thinking about going AF during this difficult time in your life. So many people would be lost in self-pity (and with good cause), and not even thinking about taking such bold steps. So, kudos to you for going through all that and managing to have your head on straight at the same time -- you're an inspiration!

Mica, I felt it when I read your story like a deep heavy weight on my heart. I'm so sorry went through all that. Wow. But it's part of what makes you so strong now and makes you...well, you!

Hugs to both, and you're in my prayers.

LB

Hon, I'm not sure I'm that brave - thanks anyway. Hey if I can even get to moderating during this time I'm doing good. I'm still paying for the other day - I have IBS brought on by diet, drink and stress. ANd Ive hit a home run on Monday so been taking the Symax pills and hoping for the pain to go away - which it does for awhile - that is probably the worst of it right now. I used to drink it away which works too but then it comes back again. If I can get the bow wow wowls to quit jumpin all over the place I'll be in much better shape but probably tempted to drink again and start the cycle over. We'll see. I'm not gonna plan for manyanna just get thru today. Bless you - Q

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