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    #1

    IM BACK!

    Hi everyone..im back, spent a month sober over two months ago, then started moderating and ive slowly slipped back to old habits, so thats it for now the old al has to go, ive not drank for two days after passing out the other night and have no idea what happened just blacked out, and i realised how much al has eaten into every part of my life again, turning me into a person im not and changing my priorities again such is its power, although im not playing the victim to this agian it was purely my choice to moderate i thought i was in control, and the truth of it is you never are it controls you.im so mad with myself but feel i had to go through all these processess to arrive at this point now.
    When you can look a thing in the eye,
    Acknowledge that it exists,
    Call it exactly what it is,
    And decide what role it will play in your life,
    Then my beloved,
    You have taken the first step toward your freedom.
    Iyanla Vanzant
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    #2
    IM BACK!

    welcome back with open arms .. and great job on two days .. just do your best that all you can do stay strong and keep thinking positive
    :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
    best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

    Comment

      #3
      IM BACK!

      Welcome back Shelley1, and great job on Day 2, keep it up you are doing really well
      Love
      Ronnie xx
      :dancin: enguin:
      starting over

      Comment

        #4
        IM BACK!

        Welcome back Shelley. I did the same thing. I'm back on Day 7 and it took a lot to get me back to a sober state again. Well done on Day 2 and keep on keeping on.
        Feb 04 2009 80 days AF.
        AF May 23 09 to July 09
        AF December 16, 09 FORWARD.

        Comment

          #5
          IM BACK!

          Once you know the truth,you cannot go back to not knowing.Living the truth that you know is the greatest service you can offer the world.Iyanla Vanzant

          Hey shelly, welcome back - I joined the forum in January. Much the same as you - I managed a month and really believed I'd cracked it. Unfortunatly not. Took me 4 months of really rock bottom carry on to realise - there's no halfway with this. The Al just has to STOP. Unfortunately some of us our programmed like that - but at least now we are aware.

          Love your quote - no more excuses for us

          Ps well done on day 2!
          5th February 2013......... To sobriety and beyond! :angel:

          Dealing with the Beast since May 26th 2009

          I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
          Patrick Henry

          Comment

            #6
            IM BACK!

            Hi Shelley and Welcome back
            I did the same as you. Tried to convince myself that I could Mod and it didn't take long before I was back in Hell with the "Devastation". Well done on 2 days. I look forward to seeing u around.
            "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)

            Comment

              #7
              IM BACK!

              Hi Shelley! My realy name is Shelley (spelled the same way!) Funny when I saw your post "I am Back!" Today is my first day back to MWO after a long time. I had a lot of success last year and I slowly crept back into my old ways.

              Seacailin-It is great to see you still here and doing well. I followed your posts through your darkest hours and I was so moved by your exprerience. I am proud of you!

              Thanks for all your great comments and constant support!

              Good to be back, too!
              Shelby
              "PAIN IS JUST WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!" USMC

              Comment

                #8
                IM BACK!

                Welcome back Shelly. Like T said we welcome you with open arms. we want to hear from you.

                Comment

                  #9
                  IM BACK!

                  shelley1;623714 wrote: Hi everyone..im back, spent a month sober over two months ago, then started moderating and ive slowly slipped back to old habits, so thats it for now the old al has to go, ive not drank for two days after passing out the other night and have no idea what happened just blacked out, and i realised how much al has eaten into every part of my life again, turning me into a person im not and changing my priorities again such is its power, although im not playing the victim to this agian it was purely my choice to moderate i thought i was in control, and the truth of it is you never are it controls you.im so mad with myself but feel i had to go through all these processess to arrive at this point now.
                  babe come to chat room ill wai for u there

                  Comment

                    #10
                    IM BACK!

                    Thank you everyone for your kind words...i feel so at home here and among friends i suppose i felt i didnt need you all anymore and that i was fixed!! WHAT A JOKE..i am far from fixed..the mind is a powerful thing combined with al and that it can convince us of anything,
                    When you can look a thing in the eye,
                    Acknowledge that it exists,
                    Call it exactly what it is,
                    And decide what role it will play in your life,
                    Then my beloved,
                    You have taken the first step toward your freedom.
                    Iyanla Vanzant

                    Comment

                      #11
                      IM BACK!

                      Hi Shelley1,

                      I got caught in that trap so many times; thinking I could handle it again.
                      Glad you're on track again.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        IM BACK!

                        Hey my name is Shelley too, guess that makes me Shelley 3.
                        I know I'm an alcoholic and that I can not handle any alcohol but my mind as they say in AA is a dangerous place and it can actually convince me that I'll just drink
                        "a little" and then I won't drink tomorrow.
                        Do people moderate successfully?
                        Good luck shelleys, good morning all

                        Comment

                          #13
                          IM BACK!

                          Hi sped teach aka shelley 3..lol..i dont know if people mod successfully? im sure there are many that say they can and its down to self- discipline and good luck to them i say cause ive never known anything harder..being al free even for a month gives no room for thought its "im not drinking" nothing else to think about, i suppose mods would say that one drink takes the urge away..ive never found this to be true, as one drink just makes me think about wanting another and if i should have it?? (thats the trouble!)..the mental torture is unreal,AA belive in total abstinece and that AL is a diease of the body and mind, and as with all addiction the greates struggle is the psychological addiction so reintroducing the addiction just makes the struggle harder i belive now anyway, but at least i have tried both.
                          When you can look a thing in the eye,
                          Acknowledge that it exists,
                          Call it exactly what it is,
                          And decide what role it will play in your life,
                          Then my beloved,
                          You have taken the first step toward your freedom.
                          Iyanla Vanzant

                          Comment

                            #14
                            IM BACK!

                            arrgh!!! Shelley are you me?!!
                            I did exactly the same thing... was AF for 2 weeks (should've done the month..), successfully modded for about a month (weirdly over xmas, my birthday and New Year...how?!!!) Then the company i worked for went bankrupt and closed down in January... no job, no money, had to move flats to something cheaper, daughter out of school and too much time on my hands with nothing to do = my trusty "friend" (fiend?!! lol!) AL
                            God i've been back down there again for the last 4 months- grrr!!!
                            So i was back on here again last Monday when i couldn't remember about a fifth of Sunday night...
                            This is now my 8th day AF and i feel sooo much better!!! I'm gonna try to do the month this time and i have a sneaky suspicion that modding isn't the best thing for me.. but we shall see.
                            Just taking it one day at a time... and i like the statement on here "if i don't have the first drink then i won't get drunk" For me - so true.
                            Nice to be back again by the way!!! I never posted much before but i was always lurking...hee hee!!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              IM BACK!

                              Hi una mas, i can so identify where you are right now as i have been there, i did the month with no problems at all and then soon as i started modding thinking i was "in control" it all went wrong..well not that fast..but its amazing the lies you can tell yourself when you want..like you said one day at a time ive started the month al free with another member on here and your quite welcome to join us..so glad you have finally posted its not so scary when you`ve done it once..feel free to private message me if you prefer x
                              When you can look a thing in the eye,
                              Acknowledge that it exists,
                              Call it exactly what it is,
                              And decide what role it will play in your life,
                              Then my beloved,
                              You have taken the first step toward your freedom.
                              Iyanla Vanzant

                              Comment

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