back from the abyss..need advice

[Liath]

Hello everyone. I am beginning a second attempt to stop drinking after several weekends of insane binges. I am much more determined than last time because I now realize that simply wanting to stop is not nearly enough. I need some hard core behavior modification. I have a few things going for me and many strikes against. I need guidance.

THE GOOD-- I have been sober for 3 days. ( to many people this probably sounds pathetic but oh well)

I purchased the hypnotherapy CDs and they are on the way.

I have the book and have read it twice.

I have all of the supplements already.

I am in therapy and I have a supportive boyfriend and sisters.

THE BAD-- I am certain I have the alcoholic gene from both sides of my family.

I live in the drinking capitol of the country and all my friends drink.

I am an out of control binge drinker. At 32, I have been doing this half my life. I am terrified that this addiction will eventually destroy me and all of my dreams will come to nothing.

I am afraid to take the TOPA because of the side effects. I cant lose any weight or not be able to think. But I will take it as a last resort.


I am ready to throw myself into this. I am tired of the horrible hangovers, the crippling guilt and shame, the humiliation of not knowing what I did or said the night before. I am staying in on a Friday night and I welcome advice about the program.. or about anything really because this is a lonely struggle for me.

-Liath

[sammys]

back from the abyss..need advice

Hi and you will be ok, most of us are but we have our struggles. I also live in WI. so I can totally relate, beer everywhere including my job.

I suggest you drink lots of water tonite and stay in touch reading and posting.

Glad you are here and three days is not pathetic it means you are awesome.

Sammys

[Liath]

back from the abyss..need advice

I have to believe I will get through this or there is no hope. No one else can make me stop. Being honest about my problem instead of denying it to myself and others is a big step for me. I am admitting to my problem. I am confused about how to feel though. I feel terribly guilty so as of yesturday am trying to think of this as an illness. And this is what I need to do to get better. Today my stomach is very upse though, and last two nights I had to take some over the counter sleep aid to get to bed. I am not in good shape.

[sammys]

back from the abyss..need advice

Its 100% normal to be confused, and yes waves of guilt are normal also with this. The only thing is that its not a good life when that is your life. I was also just basically torn up physically and emotionally thats pretty much how people end up here.

You have us now and we can and will help, but the big thing is you have to help yourself. Lots of good advice around here and follow the program.

Sammys

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

back from the abyss..need advice

Hi Laith, Well done on 3 days its not easily done and many people fail to get that far, I have done so in the past. I haven't taken topa yet for the same reasons but am managing without it so far. We can use any or all combination of the items you list and then some. In my opinion will power and self belief are paramount. Only YOU can make this happen.
Keep safe
KTAB

[Liath]

back from the abyss..need advice

That is comforting to know because, for me, staying sober is going to involve more time at home to avoid temptation. My boyfriend has agreed not to have it in the house for a while. It all starts with "social drinking" for me... and ends somewhere bad. I don't just go home after 2 drinks.

What about the program in the book?

[tlrgs]

back from the abyss..need advice

great job on three days .. stay close we are here for you .. and just do your best

[Doggygirl]

back from the abyss..need advice

Hi Liath. Just wanted to say hi and congratulation you on your 3 sober days. That is HUGE when you are just getting started or re-started. I also applaud you for being honest with yourself about yourself. That is (IMO) a big step forward. I know I hung onto the fantasy that my alcoholism could be "fixed" somehow or that I "wasnt really that bad..." ....the usual drill. Letting go of those fantasies helped free me to actually stop fighting and start getting a new life without AL in it.

I personally don't think I could have gotten this far, or get any further in sobriety if I were alone. You are never alone with MWO in your plan. Good for you delving into the full MWO plan. I too shied away and didn't use the Topa but I used all the other elements of the program and still use some. Over time I also incorporated parts of SMART Recovery into my plan, and now also AA - I like the face to face contact. Don't be afraid to try whatever recovery resources are out there, and find your way out.

You can do it!

DG

[Bluzgtar]

back from the abyss..need advice

Liath:
You are in safe and supportive hands here. You already know that or you wouldn't have invested the cash in the tapes, supps and the book. So, in my opinion you have a good start at becoming AF. You have admitted your illness and are wearing it on your cuff in this forum. You have already overcome the toughest step in your addiction. You have admitted that you have it. The next three days (the weekend) is going to be difficult, there is no getting around it. What I did my first AF free weekend was sit at my computer and read everything I could find in this community. I drank gallons of Cranberry juice and I ate like a horse. Once I had made a friend or two here and spilled my guts, even if I could have let myself down, how the hell could I let down my new sober friends.

My suggestion is to stay close to the forums, don't waste time on beating yourself up. Hell, we all know you are a drunk, we all are or we wouldn't be here. Work on a written plan of how you believe you can Wake up Monday morning feeling bright and chipper, that will be six days sober and the poison should nearly be gone. Lot's of water with lemon is helpful I hear. But most important, keep reading and posting.

I certainly don't have your answers. I can only tell you what has worked for me.

All my best,

Blu

[Liath]

back from the abyss..need advice

I always told myself that my drinking was not that bad since it was the norm. In the back of my mind I kinda thought one day I'd just get sick of it or even gradually get sick of it. Maybe find another pasttime.

Apparently that is not how it works. Instead I have gotten more out of control. Now I am in physical pain. It is difficult not to blame myself.

One more step though. the WIFI is crappy here and so I am getting a motem or whatever it is. I will be able to stay connected. I need sober friends for sure!

[Lavande]

back from the abyss..need advice

Welcome Liath,

So glad you found us, we'll all be here for you
Sounds like you have a good plan and a good start already, congrats on the first 3 days!!

I understand the mental anguish, believe me. But please try hard to put the guilt away and don't get into the habit of beating yourself up. That's all a waste of time & energy. Start thinking about all the cool stuff you can soon do with the money you save (not drinking), the time you save (not drinking) and living the rest of your life hangover free It's awesome to wake up in the mornings and just feel normal. You will soon be experiencing all of this.
Changing your routine, including your social life, for now is probably a good idea. You need the peace & quiet to concentrate on your quit. Your friends will get over it, don't worry about them..........

Hope you get your cable modem soon so you can stay connected - I still pretty much do.
All the best,
Lavande

[Theme2be]

back from the abyss..need advice

Greetings~

I understand the "insane binges" .
Do rest in your time without the poison in your cells.
My encouragement is for you to be encouraged to focus on this place, search through the myriad of stories as you find more to ad to your list..

I know the humiliation, you are not alone.
I honor your list of "THE GOOD", it is a starting place towards renewel.

I hear your intent on "throwing yourself in" for it is a sink or swim process.
Oft times it is a matter of just staying afloat via the outreach here.
Here there are places to stand on solid ground, or place yourself in for comfort. The support is endless and timeless because it is about hope.
There are people, that you have a kinship from all over the world, yet their is a rare closeness that is present.
It is unique and magnificent.

Be safe and sure in your decision to be one in the search for relief.
May you be comforted~

[Liath]

back from the abyss..need advice

Thank you. I am happy to have somewhere to to turn. I have a plan to make it through the weekend. I picked up a shift tomorrow. I am hoping that the CDs really help. Has anyone used them?

One thing I know for certain. I need to be free of this. It can't go on. And last time I thought that, it did. I am afraid of the way every single resolution I made about drinking goes out the window after 2 drinks. I blow people off. I take chances. All for alcohol. Maybe it really is a disease because it makes no sense.

I will try to stay positive. The posts help. I hope to get to know everyone and stay sober.

:thanks:

Liath

[Lavande]

back from the abyss..need advice

Liath,

A lot of people have mentioned that they didn't like the CDs - but I Did!!!
I'm still using them, actually look forward to them everyday. For me, they reinforce all the new things I have learned and NEED to remember. They also help me to relax, stay calm. I have a long history of anxiety problems but not anymore

The speaker's voice is a little unusual but you will get used to it. And remember the instruction in the beginning to not 'try to analyze' what you hear, just go with it..........

Hope you find the CDs useful as well.

[Liath]

back from the abyss..need advice

I have anxiety issues as well. A lot of it is probably related to drinking like every thing else that is wrong in my world. I will approach the CDs with an open mind. thanks