An interesting question

[42cat]

An interesting question

Thank you for posting this thread. It is very, very interesting to read everyone's thoughts and feelings on this one. Thought I'd share my current story ... (sorry, it's long .. but I got on a roll and felt like spilling my guts - lol) ...

I'm (still) struggling to quit after many years. I never used to drink this much, or during the day .. but you know how things morph into new things ... I eventually figured out that I could have a drink during the day .. and even in the morning ... and even sneak them into work ... etc. etc. My latest "discovery" is to wake up in the middle of the night, have a drink, and watch a TV show while the rest of the family is asleep. That is just so wrong.

I don't have hangovers at all, and I drink a LOT. I'm female, 44, 5'7", 200 lbs, and I drink about a quart of hard liquor a day ... YES, a quart .. 750 ml ... spaced out over approximately 18 hours, mixed weakly in Coke or Pepsi ..... bit-by-bit, by-bit-by-bit ... from morning to night ..... Sounds like a lot, huh? - and it IS. It's pretty easy to put that much away if it's a drink per hour for say 18 hours.

How pathetic is that ... Seriously. *sigh* .... But no offense to anyone who's in the same boat as I am. We're all here for the same reason.

I'm rarely "drunk" and, like I mentioned, don't get hangovers. What happens to me, though, is after a period of time my body seems to want to "crash" ... about every few months ... flu-like ... and I'll spend (for example) a Saturday and Sunday in the house, sleeping on and off and generally feeling ill. When this happens, I tell my family I've caught a bug ...... but I know better. I just went through this this weekend, actually.

I feel like such a loser. Still trying to figure out how to quit though ... I'm not giving up. Don't ever give up. I think a lot of us drink because we're lonely somehow ... or sad for some reason. Even with a great family, awesome kids, wonderful job, house, etc. ... I'm lonely for sure and AL has become my EVIL EVIL buddy.

Thanks again for this thread ... it's very interesting.

Edit....

P.S. ..... I do realize that I'm probably never really hungover each "day after" BECAUSE there's pretty much *always* some alcohol still in my system ...... and that's the struggle to get over ... I want so badly to go through withdrawal and get on with things, but I'm scared to death of that. I'd like to have the courage to just take a few days (or weeks) and tough it out, get sick, have the shakes, 'fess up to everyone, and get on with my life.

Why is that so difficult to do? Hmmmm, but perhaps that's a topic for another thread.

Good luck to all in your struggles ... and congrats on everyone's accomplishments .... and if you feel that you haven't yet "accomplished" anything, I hope you all feel proud of yourselves for being here and simply wanting to quit drinking. That's a big first step.

[aliame]

An interesting question

42cat
I hear you. Big hugs
Pips

[hiddengoal]

An interesting question

42Cat - How can we help?

You have come to the right place to find your own way out of that life. Just because you don't feel hungover, does not mean that fifth of booze isn't having its negative effects - you just might not be aware because you keep sipping your juice and staying numb - numb to your real life (talking metaphors here - to everyone, not just you). Its a box - a maze you want to be free of, but you have to just start with ONE DAY. Just one day - that's how to start. Then there will be more one days, hopefully, but just do the one day - you will be amazed! It might be hard, it might not, it will be a challenge at times, but many here have gone through it and are here to help you too.

Lonely - yes, we are, but when we isolate ourselves in our little bubble in the bottle, we create more loneliness. For me, the bottle was where I hid from myself - from my own emotions, or sadness, or whatever. It isn't easy facing those feelings when not drinking them to the back room, but it sure feels much more real. And eventually, when you face those feelings, it gets easier and you really do feel less lonely because you stop hiding. You feel better about your self and want to be around people instead of retreating.

So, I just want to encourage you to do that one day - stay on here- read many of the threads, hear from those who have gone through it, and be hopeful. You can get off that stuck train you are on, you just have to use your ticket.

[Bluzgtar]

An interesting question

42Cat:

If I remember right the medical community calls your "style" of alcohol consumption the "slow drip". What happens, as you know, is your body has become accustomed to a BAC of .012 to .015. I doubt that you ever appear to be intoxicated and like you said you never have a hangover. But, you are slowly killing yourself and you know it. You have been drawn into, like most of us, the method that our addiction uses to go from being our confidant, best friend and lover to being our murderer.

My heart aches for you, some of us have been there. The road ahead is going to seem impossible. But it isn't. You have already taken the first step. It's important that you come up with a solid and medically supervised plan to detox. A weekend with "the bug" probably isn't the answer. Based on your weight, my guess is that your body is storing toxins that alcohol has created that will take some time to neutralize. The great news is if you loose the booze, you'll shed the weight rapidly. Again I urge you to seek medical help with the detox. You also didn't mention if you're family has a clue. Us drunks are good liars and as you didn't mention it, my guess is that they don't. Obviously, if you choose medical help, you're going to have to come clean with the family. As bad as that may sound, you have no idea how good that will feel .... even if they don't respond like you would like. At least it isn't one more secret that you have to keep. I suggest you get your plan together with your Doc. Then have a family meeting and put your cards on the table. The worst thing that can happen is that they will abandon you. The alternative is they can bury you.

If my words seem harsh and unsympathetic, believe me they are harsh. But, please believe me my heart is breaking when I read your story. I will and kind and loving folks in MWO will be your biggest cheerleaders.

Please keep posting and reading.

All my best

Blu

[LilBit]

An interesting question

Nicely said, Blu. IMHO, your words were honest, not "harsh." Like Truman,

"I never give them hell; I just tell them the truth and they think it is hell."

42Cat, thanks for sharing. There are probably many more people out there lurking, doing the same as you, and without the courage to post it themselves. I'm glad you're here with us, and not giving up.

LilBit