Anyone else a binge drinker and a weapon of mass destruction?

[anxious]

Anyone else a binge drinker and a weapon of mass destruction?

taz,

We are peas in a pod i am horrible on alcohol and now my liver is yelling at me and my husband wants a divorce because of my drinking and his concubine bitch (which really makes me want to drink which is what ive been doing, hurting myself to get back at him (wow what logic)!!! My parents both alcoholics one dead the other sounds drunk always. & yes never know whose going to come out jekyl or hyde, or from how many drinks. this sucks!!

tried last year to quit never did more than 2 weeks cuz husband drinks and thats what we do he wks outa town which is also a mistake>>> too lonely people 3000 miles apart:upset:

anxious

[Mid-Life Isis]

Anyone else a binge drinker and a weapon of mass destruction?

Hello -
I am a huge binge drinker myself. I have days, sometimes even weeks being AF, but it's like the pressure builds up and I just want to drink and check out. I also relate to never knowing which way its going to go. Sure, there's been a handful of times that I haven't drunk to a slurring and pass-out stage, but I never know until the next morning, usually full of regret.

My background consists of eating disorders, anxiety disorders, insomnia and OCD. Alcohol has always been a way for me to self-medicate. I have had many embarrassing episodes and black-outs where people had to tell me what I said or did the night before. There were times when I knew that I would drink to pass out, so I would leave notes with timelines on them, so I would remember. I would wake up the next day with a note next to my bed so I could try and fill in the blanks.

For me, I'm really tired of living in the fear and the self - loathing. When I drink, I'm afraid of how much I will drink, how will I try and control myself this time? The next day, I'm afraid that I smell like alcohol, that people know that I'm hung-over. Then there's the fear of not remembering everything. Sometimes I can't remember things and I will just fill in the blanks of horrible dreadful stuff and then be afraid that they're true. Sometimes I will have drunk dreams in the middle of the night and again, be fearful that it really did happen and never really know until I ask people and start searching for clues.

My hope is that I can begin to be honest about how alcohol affects me and my family. I am going to go to an AA meeting tomorrow, but there is only one meeting in town that I know that I can attend. Hopefully, it will feel like a good fit. I am hoping that I can use this community for support and the motivation to continue to be honest about what I need to do to grow and live the life that I know I was meant to live.

[cacky]

Anyone else a binge drinker and a weapon of mass destruction?

Taz, thats great that you are on day 7 so proud of you. Im on day 2 again but doing ok with it.

[Taz1]

Anyone else a binge drinker and a weapon of mass destruction?

Thanks Cacky - yesterday was by far and away THE hardest. Day 8 still absolutly knackered but better. Well done on day 2, and you had good news this week re dui, keep strong and focused, you can do it.

Mid life isis - welcome, your first post....a great first step and very honest, sounds so familiar. I think being on this site is a huge help as we find people going through the same stuff, or who have been there and can offer advice. Keep chatting - you can get where you want.

Dear anxious pea in a pod, I know exactly what you mean, its a viscious circle when I was divorcing I was in such a mess, drinking to avoid the mess, but actually the drinking was making eveything so much worse. Start with one day, get back at him by caring for yourself.

Liath - you are so right -'The feeling of being stuck or undeserving of happiness must have a root cause.' Whenever something is going really well for me ie a friendship or job etc thats when I drink and implode, its is exactly like I dont desrve this. Got lots to think about re this issue but working through, looks like you doing well working through 11 days - respect.

Firefox good luck on your journey, keep with us you can put the blackouts and all the crap stuff into the past, how good will you feel then?

Overit2007 - such a scary experience for you and could have ended so much worse as you pointed out. Why do we make ourselves so vulnerable? The drink makes us behave in a way that is so unbelievable. We are worth so much more. I think, I hope I am ready and brave enough to change, although I am at the very beginning. Just fed up waking up knowing I have caused great damage. Hang tough, stay in touch.

Love

Taz x

[byebyebridgetjones]

Anyone else a binge drinker and a weapon of mass destruction?

Hi Taz,
I could amuse myself and others with loads of slapstick comedy material involving falling into my rosebed on a first date,remembering NOTHING about it until I pulled half a green waste bin of 'prunings' out of my handbag.....(funny, never saw that guy again....hhhmmm).
Numerous occasions of acting like a complete arsehole in front of my kids followed.Dozens of dates where I got rat arsed and wondered why I never form any solid relationships with men beyond drinking buddies.I mean, why on earth wouldn't they take ME seriously ?Waking up in the morning to a hazey, patchy memories of behaving like an impromtu stand up comedienne.
One thing I've noticed in recent years is that people have stopped asking me 'Do you remember what you did last night Bridge?'
They just assume that I don't and begin recounting the laughs.
You're right Taz, these people are going to have to find themselves a new village idiot.
Bridget.

[miki]

Anyone else a binge drinker and a weapon of mass destruction?

I'm new here but relate to what you're saying. I think acknowledging the bad things one does when drunk helps start fixing the problem. Because of alcohol, I've:

1. Cheated on my ex-wife multiple times, including with multiple coworkers;
2. Used derogatory terms at the work holiday party and hit on my boss's wife;
3. Driven drunk and almost caused a wreck;
4. Missed my little sister's graduation;
5. Hurt those I love most.

Writing this stuff out showcases to myself what I need to do. Good luck to you all.

[sugarcane]

Anyone else a binge drinker and a weapon of mass destruction?

WOW Taz you could have been talking about me. how is it going?