Hi....
I've been lurking here on and off for quite awhile. I've been struggling with this drinking thing for a VERY long time. My 40th birthday is coming up soon, and I've been drinking too much since my early 20's.
It was recreational back then. In my 30's, I've become much more serious about work, life pressures, etc. and have become what's probably a functional alcoholic. I first started worrying about my drinking when I found myself secretly sipping during the day at work. Since I owned the company, I couldn't get fired for that! I somehow managed to keep it together well enough to run the company and even sell it off to an international competitor of mine.
I thought that selling the company would reduce my stress, but I've managed to make everything else in my life stressful too, and still use stress as an excuse to drink and get through the day.
I can go a day or two pretty easily without drinking, but then I more than make up for it the next day, and it's killing me. I'm missing out on so much, and I feel miserable with myself the next day. And yet I continue to do it.
I have a lot to lose-- I have a good position with the company I sold out to. I make decent money, especially in this economy. I have the love of a wonderful man who wants to marry me (although I don't think he's really aware of the extent of my drinking. I hide it pretty well.)
I hate this horrible feeling of self-loathing and day-after brain fog. I've gained 30 pounds, and I just don't feel good in general.
I don't want to moderate any more. I've tried it, and I'm one of those people who can't handle it.
I just want to be DONE. I want to BE a non-drinker. But how do I do it? I can get a day or two under my belt, but then I screw it up. I did go 3 months AF several years ago, and felt fabulous.
How can I get through the first days, the first week, and however long it takes to get to the point where I'm not obsessed with it?
I'm sorry this was so long. Thank you for any help you can offer.
I've been lurking here on and off for quite awhile. I've been struggling with this drinking thing for a VERY long time. My 40th birthday is coming up soon, and I've been drinking too much since my early 20's.
It was recreational back then. In my 30's, I've become much more serious about work, life pressures, etc. and have become what's probably a functional alcoholic. I first started worrying about my drinking when I found myself secretly sipping during the day at work. Since I owned the company, I couldn't get fired for that! I somehow managed to keep it together well enough to run the company and even sell it off to an international competitor of mine.
I thought that selling the company would reduce my stress, but I've managed to make everything else in my life stressful too, and still use stress as an excuse to drink and get through the day.
I can go a day or two pretty easily without drinking, but then I more than make up for it the next day, and it's killing me. I'm missing out on so much, and I feel miserable with myself the next day. And yet I continue to do it.
I have a lot to lose-- I have a good position with the company I sold out to. I make decent money, especially in this economy. I have the love of a wonderful man who wants to marry me (although I don't think he's really aware of the extent of my drinking. I hide it pretty well.)
I hate this horrible feeling of self-loathing and day-after brain fog. I've gained 30 pounds, and I just don't feel good in general.
I don't want to moderate any more. I've tried it, and I'm one of those people who can't handle it.
I just want to be DONE. I want to BE a non-drinker. But how do I do it? I can get a day or two under my belt, but then I screw it up. I did go 3 months AF several years ago, and felt fabulous.
How can I get through the first days, the first week, and however long it takes to get to the point where I'm not obsessed with it?
I'm sorry this was so long. Thank you for any help you can offer.
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