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**tawnyfrog** · August 24, 2006, 04:00 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

:welcome:Hi mw

You've come to a good place. Things really CAN get better. Hope you stay with us.

Tawny

**Mackeral** · August 24, 2006, 04:33 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

Hiya MW,
I can see a lot of myself in you.
Just think you gotta look ahead mate and try and see what the future would be like without alcahol,and how different things can be.I nearly put off giving up till it was too late,when i was at my worst drinking when i look back now i would have left me,never mind anyone else.
I wish you all the luck in the world with this MW.
Hope to see you around...Not too many blokes here....Wayne

**Allie** · August 24, 2006, 04:48 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

Thanks for your honesty, and welcome. Alcohol really does/ can destroy a marriage. My marriage came very close to ending last December, and although it wasnt all the alcohol, the alcohol just about took the ship down. I had a problem with it for a long time and it has REALLY bothered my husband for years, but for some reason, I just could not seem to quit. My husband distanced himself from me, and then I discovered he had met someone online and I was devastated. He told me that I had been having an "affair" with the bottle for so many years that he had lost his feelings for me and basically given up hope. But because of how hurt I was over this "internet affair" if you will, that I began drinking even worse. He finally told me that I either had to find help for my drinking on my own, or he was going to do it for me and it was the only way he would consider staying in the marriage. So that's when I found this site. That was six months ago, and we have a brand new marriage again. I have not quit completely, but by taking all the supplements and Topamax (get that stuff, it's great) I have been able to stay within moderate, normal limits of two glasses of wine a night, and some nights I am appalled that I am just not in the mood to drink at all! That NEVER happened before. I have occasionally blown it when under stress, PMS or something, but my husband has seen how hard I am trying and I have earned his respect back. He is so proud of me and the love has grown between us again. We are like two kids most of the time because we are having so much fun together and enjoying a healthy relationship. I promise you life will be so much better on the other side! I hope your wife will give your marriage another chance, but either way, you have to do this for you!

Hang in there over the weekend and come here often for support. Everyone here is awesome!

Allie

**mw451** · August 24, 2006, 06:07 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

Thanks all for the Hearty welcome, It's much appreciated.

Allie, your post really hit me hard, it's like it is me. You thanking me for being honest, that is the best trait I have, I am honest, I can't lie -- no good at it -- and it's just best to throw the truth out there if you really want help.

I wish my wife would've helped when I asked her to, she was addicted to Rx meds, and I helped her off those right before we separated in 2004. I asked her, once she came home, to help me and my drinking, but she made excuses, "You'll just go behind me and drink.", "You'll break open the trunk of my car to get beer.", etc. It's like she wanted me to stop, but wasn't really there to help me. I'm glad for you that your husband drew a line in the sand, you do it, or I will for you. That's great really, that shows how much he cares. You should feel lucky for that.

I will definitely stay here on this BB. This is where I should have been over the last year, not on a relationship BB, because "our" problems were really "my" problem - the drinking.

I was so happy about this site, I even told my wife about it, but not the name of the site or anything, just that I found a new help group, a group I shoul've been on a long time ago.

So, now I have to go and clean out some more crap from the back bedroom, it was my office, but now it will be wife's bedroom. :upset:

I'll survive, but I gotta get off this drinking, or at least, cut down to now more than 2-3 a night.

I am going to make an appointment with my doctor for next week to get the Topomax. My wife was on that once, but for migraines she said. Also, I'm going to look into all the supplements listed, I'm already on Kudzu, but hey, maybe the others will help too.

Thanks All. It's nice to know I can turn to a place where people understand.

mw

**abby** · August 24, 2006, 08:14 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

I can so relate to all the stories and appreciate the honesty. Both my parents abuse alcohol (dad arrested 7 times for dui) I have been married for 21 years and in the last 7 later years have began to drink more and in those times have embrassed myself, my family, neighbors, more than I could apologize for. Then by God's grace on Oct. 31 05 I was arrested for DUI. blew. .20 changed my whole life. But not until I found MWO. I started the sup. topo and I don't feel the cravings for booze. I can actually make it till 6 or 7 like a "normal person". Drink one or two drinks without need to get drunk.The topomax has really made a life altering change in my life. I am looking forward to going to a football game this fall without sneaking booze into the game, going to a school meetings without alcohol on my breath, no longer driving drunk, and gone are the days of embrassing my family. Anyone is checks into this program is starting on a great new path of life.
Good Luck to all of us...

**wellseasoned** · August 25, 2006, 01:14 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

So glad you are here MW. You have come to the right place if you are serious about addressing your alcohol problem. Everyone here is honest and so supportive.
Blessings

**eustacia** · August 25, 2006, 10:04 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

mw--

i, too, am new to these boards so take what i write with a grain of salt. what struck me about what you wrote is that both you and your wife are in a lot of pain and that you both sometimes drink to find solace. you've got at least one child who is doing what kids so typically do--playing her parents off against one another. you sound like a loving and involved father. have you considered trying family therapy to address the triangulation going on in your family? even though your daughter might feel that she "wins" if the heat is on the marriage instead of her, she will lose in the long run unless the dynamics of the family are addressed. just a thought . . .

best, eustacia

**Allie** · August 26, 2006, 12:02 AM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

mw451,
Hey! Hope you are feeling better. (I think I missed something about the daughter-thing), but I have been rushed all day when coming to read on here.

Be confident in your endevours here. I felt like my husband was going to sell me to a slave driver for ten dollars when I first came here. But the more I share with him about my journey... my success, my sometimes failure, then the more he has become loving and involved. I was in denial before, and hiding the alcohol. (That's another thread). Be confident. Dont aim your focus on winning her, but winning YOU. Remember who she fell in love with.

Allie

**mw451** · August 26, 2006, 06:31 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

Thanks abby, wellseasoned, eustacia, and Allie.

OK, first off, today has been busy, we moved wife into the back bedroom, and my office into what is now my bedroom/our old bedroom. Man, I didn't realize I had so much stuff/junk.

eustacia, you are correct, my daughter does "play" mom against dad, and vice versa. We have all done the counselling thing back when my W and I were starting to reconcile. We've done it as family, as husband and wife, and each on our own. Both W and I see when D is "playing" us, but since I've always been the more disciplinarian in the family, I don't let it effect me as much as W does. D will get to the point that she drives W into a fit of anger and frustration -- W knows better, and why she allows herself to get so upset over it is beyond me.

So I'm counting my drinks each night, and W's too, though she went out with friends for a while last night, so I don't know how much she had, except for what she drank here at home. I know this isn't about her, this is about me, but I was surprised at what I've seen in her over the last few days.

I haven't done well, which is obvious for all the upset of her moving to the back room and going to see a lawyer this Monday, BUT, that is no excuse. I KNOW this, it's NO excuse.

I'm drinking 12 a night, W is drinking 9 a night -- and here I thought she only drank 3-6 per night. But this is not about her, it's about me.

Allie said it best, this is about "winning ME". And, I know I can. I also know it will take time, but I can't wait to get to the doc for the Rx for the Topomax. I really feel good about this, for once in my Life, I am positive about quitting drinking, or at least, getting it in control, maybe a beer or 2 a night, or just wine with dinner. When I get there, I will feel that I have won the fight, when I'm totally clean, I'll know I won the whole damn war.

And with that, I need to go rest my bones, I ache from moving furniture all day an unpacking my stuff/junk so that I can at least walk through my room.

I wish you all the best, and WE can DO this together -- I Thank You all for your suport.

mw

**pokey** · August 26, 2006, 06:49 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

I think my heart just broke all over again when reading this. I just want to reach out and hug you tightly ... please PLEASE keep us updated.

**Guest** · August 26, 2006, 07:09 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

tawnyfrog wrote: :welcome:Hi mw

You've come to a good place. Things really CAN get better. Hope you stay with us.

Tawny

thats beautiful, means a lot .... to me...

**jonnie** · August 26, 2006, 07:47 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

tawnyfrog wrote: :welcome:Hi mw

You've come to a good place. Things really CAN get better. Hope you stay with us.

Tawny

I loved this .. wanted to share again - hope you enjoy!!!

**mw451** · August 26, 2006, 07:58 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

jonnie wrote: I loved this .. wanted to share again - hope you enjoy!!!

Thanks, I feel very welcomed here, and am so glad I found this site, this BB.

Thanks to all who've read and responded. Makes me feel more strength, and power to DO IT!!!

mw

**mw451** · August 28, 2006, 06:28 PM

Newbie - Destroyed Family

Darn, I can't get in to see my doc until Sept. 6th. Any suggestions as an alternative to Topomax?

mw

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