Newbie - Destroyed Family

[cv1]

Newbie - Destroyed Family

You can get the kudzu and use the l-glut now...they really help with cravings, as does cutting sugar out of your diet....

[mw451]

Newbie - Destroyed Family

cv1 wrote: You can get the kudzu and use the l-glut now...they really help with cravings, as does cutting sugar out of your diet....

I have been using Kudzu, just not enough, and I just placed an order for more and l-glutamine and milk thistle.

I never realized that sugar played such a part in this, so I ques it's no more chocolate... :upset:

Wife is being supportive, which is good, but she is still determined to get a divorce, and the hours I'm spending re-gathering the info I gave her 1 and 1/2 ago, dang, I should charge her attorney fees...

I didn't do too good over the weekend, but tonight I'm doing better, so I am happy about that.

Told my "team leader" at work today what was going on, she was very caring and has been through a divorce herself. She told me take s much time as I need, but i have so much vacation left, I think she meant that I should use that up first.

I'm about 1/2 way through the book now, read it today when I was supposed to be working, but it really helped give me inspiration. I just want to hug and hold my wife, but I know I can't, and that hurts. she says she's there for me, but it's just too late... :upset:

I'll make it. I'll be OK. Maybe even better than ever. That's my goal. Better than before...

mw

[Beaches]

Newbie - Destroyed Family

I am very new here as well and your story is helping me try and see my way out of this alcohol fog.

Thank you for sharing.

[gabby]

Newbie - Destroyed Family

MW, Dont know if anyone said this but when you go to your doc be sure to take your book and a copy of the lancet study with you to help you convince him for the script. Aside from really wanting to stop drinking, topa has been the key ingrediant for me. I too was a beer drinker and topa has completely taken my desire to drink away. I am on day 86 now and I havent drank at all. Thank goodness my doc has been cooperative in providing me with a script. Only a week longer for you hopefully. Feel free to copy this post if you want to. gabby

[Allie]

Newbie - Destroyed Family

mw,
Good luck at the doctor, and YES, be sure to take the lancet study that you can print out. If your doc does not give you a script for the Topamax, you CAN order it overseas, which is what I do. I order it from the UK and the website does not need a prescription and I have had great experience with them. It arrives within 7 to 10 business days.

I know this is so tough what you are going through with your wife, but never say its too late. She may certainly follow through with her plans, but the grass may not be so much greener for her on the other side, and as the two of you will obviously continue to see each other on some level as you have a child (children?), then she will have the opportunity to see how this program works for you in the future and how different you become. All for the better! She might truly be amazed. But even if not, remember who you are doing this for ultimately, you! Any relationship you have in the future, whether it be to reconcile with your wife or a future relationship that is new, you dont want to bring this addiction into it. It affects every relationship in your life negatively, even your children. (I have three, so I know this too painfully).

Sounds like you are doing terrific, and keep on keepin on! :thumbs:

Allie

[gabby]

Newbie - Destroyed Family

Ya know mw,
when I was going through my divorce....I would have stopped the whole thing at any time if I had seen even the slightest change in him. So what you are doing is good and it could be just what changes the outcome of your marriage. Just keep on the road that you are on and maybe things could still turn around. gabby

[mw451]

Newbie - Destroyed Family

Weirdness

OK, today was weird. I never felt this emotion before, but i guess it's good.

I went to buy a case of beer. As soon as i turned into the Beer Aisle, I felt a sort or revulsion, a "oh no", sorta sick, sorta embarrassed, sorta ashamed.

I can't really describe the feeling properly, but it was something I've never felt before.

It made me feel stronger,, more in tune with what I am trying to do here.

I started a Journal again, I had one 2 years ago when W had her affair, but I started a new one tonight, about ME!!! I worked out at bit, wanted to take a walk, but it was raining, which is really for the better, we need it here. And I copied all the "house-crap"/Equity Agreement for W so she can proceed with the Divorce.

I feel good and bad -- Good that I found this book and place, bad that my marriage is ending. Either Or, I'll be a better person for it, just getting the drinking under control.

I just hope my family waits ling enough to see it.

mw

[mw451]

Newbie - Destroyed Family

Whoa! This is weird...

I came home from work and cracked open a beer. I greabbed a dose of Kudzu, and stared at my beer, I had no real urge to drink it, but did anyway. I know I can't just stop after 20+ years, I have to cut down, but it was the first time in many years, that i had now urge, the Kudzu is kicking in well, and my ofther supplements have been shipped. I see the doc on Wed., but at this rate, if I keep losing the urge, maybe I won't need the Topamax, or maybe not the mega-doses like in the book. I felt really good about that. I am proud of myself.

I also have to thank RJ and her book, and the fine folks on this BB. You all have added to this, to my determination to moderate or even quit. WOW!!! I'd have never even thought of that 6 onths ago, or even 2 months ago.

Thank You All, especially RJ!!!

Best wishes, and have a great weekend.

mw

[mw451]

Newbie - Destroyed Family

Well, I saw my Dr. yesterday and took the Lancet report with me, and he is aware of it, but did not Rx the Topamax. Instead he gave me an Rx for 10mg Valium, take one when I get home, have a beer or 2, then 2 hours after the first Valium, take another and that should do it. Yeah! That'll wipe my a$$ to bed is what it'll do. :H I'm already taking 5mg Valium 1-2 times a day.

I do go back to see him in a week or so, and he said if the Valium wasn't working, he'll do the Topamax.

I'm taking my supplements that arrived the other day, and they are helping.

Wife is still being a turd about getting a divorce, so I've just let it go and am somewhat indifferent about it since I've been down this road before with her. Basically, I just really don't care anymore, it took a lot of soul-searching, but I guess I'm done too. My only concern there is how I will be able to keep/afford the house when I have to buy out her share at the divorce settlement. The DC area is too dang expensive and way over priced. I looked at a 1 BR, 1 bath condo w/ a den, $250,000. :shocked:

My best choice is to stay here in the home, and rent out the basement, and hope I get enough to pay the 2nd mortgage w/ that.

Been excersing, and that feels good, and been keeping busy doing things around the house to keep me away from that ever enticing beer. I can see now, this is going to be a long road, but I am moving forward and making progress. Next Gas Station, 20 miles... :H

mw