the morning after the week before

[AMELIA]

Hello, Im just starting out. Been through one bad week drinking wise and decided NO MORE last night. Have all my tablets and my topomax so just need to start. Feeling pretty down and low though, have been keeping the extent of my drinking a secret from my partner and I am feeling a bit lonely. It is quite an encouragement to see so many posts and to know that there are others out there that share my dilema.

[AMELIA]

the morning after the week before

Thanks Kate,
I really appreciate your reply. I am feeling very shaky and panicky today. Have just told my partner that I have been drinking each day (all day) for the last week so thats a start. He works away and I get really bad when he's not here and this week has been hard on my body and on my mind. This morning I really felt that I was losing the plot and it does take some of my panic away just being able to post a message.

[AMELIA]

the morning after the week before

Hi Kate,

Thanks again for your message. I have managed to get myself to a drop in centre and have a consultation with a counsellor which made me feel a little better. I have used the topamax before a few months ago I made a 'half hearted' attempt at the program. It actually seemed remarkably easy to abstain but I stopped taking the tabs and started drinking again. I have decided to start again on Monday. Have you done the program? If so how are you getting on?

Joanne Amelia

[InnerStrength]

the morning after the week before

Hi Joanne
I can relate so much to what you are saying. I also have a partner who works away a lot. (He works away about two weeks of every month) so I was easily able to hide how much I drank from him. It wasen't until recently I told him just how much I ws drinking while he was away. Welcome to MWO. Please feel free to message me anytime. Sounds like we might have a lot in common. I know I drank a lot - because I was often so bored and lonely. Can you relate? Very happy to have you here.
Hugs
Jen

[AMELIA]

the morning after the week before

Hi Jen, wow your post brought me close to tears. Yeah the being by myself in a small flat is an issue I think. I really frightened myself this week, that I could do 5 days on the trot drinking that much. Boy oh boy. It has been really easy to hide it because he isnt here. However as I have bad memory black outs I am repeating the same things to him so am always trying to cover up. Very tiring! How much were you drinking while your man was away? Were you telling him loads of fibs to cover up? How are you doing on your journey? JO x

[AMELIA]

the morning after the week before

Hey Kate,

Well I have to fess up. Amelia is my middle name and I just felt more comfortable using that as a sign on name than my first name - Joanne. Not that I think anyone would recognise me simply from my first name, but as this is the first time I have use message boards, well I think I was a little nervous.
God Kate, I dream of complete abstinence. Well done!!!! And I bet your life has changed dramatically. Are you doing exercise etc? I know this is a strange question, but do you get the impression that there are more females looking for help here than men? Or could it just be that us girls are quicker to talk about our stuff?
Jo x

[3rdborn]

the morning after the week before

Hi!
My name is Ann. I have made a few attempts, however halfhearted, and then failed to follow thru. I am now at the point where I want to make some serious changes in my life and I know it needs to start here. And now. However, this still seems too good to be true. I read some of your stories and I know this is what I want. I feel so good when I have a few days sober, and I get so mad at myself when I drink. I don't know why I allow myself to slip back into this drinking. Yesterday morning and afternoon I had to deal with a nasty ex and my way of dealing was to have a bottle of wine after my daughter went to sleep. That was so stupid. I had two full days sober. Then, I realized, I hadn't taken any of the vitamins. I should have dealt with it by staying strong with the program and getting stronger to deal with him. I need to dedicate myself to this. I have everything I need to do this. I so very badly need to be strong now,(and for good) and I just feel so much better sober. I read your story Kate and I want what you have so badly. I don't think I can do moderation. I would like to, but I dont believe in my heart I can. Anyway, I have all I need to start. Now, I have to start. My daughter is in school, I'm divorced, (thank heavens, marriage to him was horrible) and I am a stay at home mom so I have a lot of privacy. I can choose to abuse it or I can choose to start this program today and change my life, get a grip, get strong, stop letting him bully and manipulate and scare me. I need to start this today. Amelia, I hope we can do this together, I am glad you were able to share with your partner and I hope you get the support you need. I was so happy to find this site. I have read so many inspiring stories just this morning. I really am so glad I got this email about this site. Now I am hungover. I am going to take some of the calms forte, listen to the cd's, try to sleep. Then, at noon, take the supplements, the all-one (yuck) do some power cleaning and walk to get my daughter. I need to pull this together. Sorry for rambling. Thanks for listening.....

[InnerStrength]

the morning after the week before

Hi Jo

:h Hi Jo
I was drinking A LOT before - especially when my partner was away because I couldn't stand the thought of coming home to an empty place. For example, I could easily polish back 2 bottles of wine in a few hours - I mean, EASILY- on a weeknight. On the weekends, look out! I was ALWAYS a mess on Friday nights especially. Most Fridays I was the one that was always the most drunk out of anyone. I would start drinking the minute I got off work - shots, hard liquor, you name it - the fastest way to the buzz/drunk. I don't think i was honest with myself how much I was drinking even. It wasn't until a few days ago that I even really thought about how much I was putting back on a regular basis and I admitted to my partner that I was drinking a bottle or 2 of wine or 6-8 drinks on a weeknight and oh who knows - 10? 12? more? on a weekend night- every week! when he was away. I tried to tone it down when he was home but usually just snuck it when he was not looking. I did drink less when he was around, but not a ton less.
Now, I am moderating and I usually have about 2 days a week or so where I dont drink at all (sometimes 3 - which for me is really good). On the nights I do drink, I drink about a third of what I drank before - maybe less. I dont wake up with hangovers anymore and I think I really slipped only once or twice since I started topa (long story - I was "trying" to get drunk to see if I could - right near the beginning - hard to explain). This program and the topa has made a huge difference to me. The topa has cut the cravings, made me drink waaay slower, and made me drink way less than before. I find it easier to slow down, say no and stop. People have noticed a difference. I am so glad to see you here. It's so hard for people to understand how lonely it can be when your partner is away so much of the time and how much that can impact the drinking.....
I hope we can talk more......
Are you planning on taking the topa?
Hope to hear from you soon!!
Hugs
Jen:l h

[AMELIA]

the morning after the week before

Hi Ann,
Yes it would be great if we could do this together. I am planning to go for gold on Monday (its a bank holiday here in the UK which means my partner will be home for my first day - probably a good idea) I, like you, would love the abstinence that Kate has talked about and yes when I have my sober days life is so much better for me. My partner has been home for a couple of hours now and the first thing he wanted to do was give me a hug and a kiss bless him (although I do realise he is finding all of this rather frightening/worring). Your ex isn't posing you any physical risk is he?
Anne, I agree, this site is really amazing and I think the most liberating part for me so far is that I felt as if I was the only person going through this!! I have really been amazed, like you, reading all the posts and seeing how many people out there are going through the same problems. Hope to speak soon. Jo

[AMELIA]

the morning after the week before

Hi Jen, thanks for the reply. Yep the loneliness thing is a nightmare. My man has actually been home for a couple of hours now and I actually do feel a little more relaxed. I am going to do the 30 day abstinence first and then think (clearly for once) whether moderation is for me. I have used topamax before, I took it and the supplements for 2 weeks a couple of months ago, but didnt do any exercise and found that I would fall asleep pretty much straight away with the cds. I didnt find it difficult abstaining (apart from some strange dreams about giant sized sweets - dont you love it!) but one day I just stopped taking everything. Cant really remember the reasons, but which I hadn't..... So this time I am going to do the whole lot just to make sure. Exercise,... my god, my body won't know what's hit it. Also have arranged meeting with a counsellor so I am nervous but thing I have a few more supports this time. Lets hope so.
Well done for the moderation. Do you still get any desire to be sneaky? I am a dreadful sneak and I hate that part of this. Lets speak soon.
jo

[pokey]

the morning after the week before

Another sneaker fessing up. Amelia, it really hit home with me when you said that about being sneaky. That's the part about the whole thing that bothers me the most. I hate myself for hiding my problems (AND empty cans and bottles) from my family.

[AMELIA]

the morning after the week before

Yep the sneaky things are not good.....and its mortifyingly embarrassing if caught out!! Which I have been on several occasions. Jo

[Patti]

the morning after the week before

Hi everyone, wow amelia you really hit the spot with your story. I haven't told my story yet, but I can relate to this, my hubby started working nights 2 years ago and I work days. It gets very lonley at and I started drinking during the week to make my self feel better. I was also hiding the beer cans and wine bottles and feeling gility about. I finally told him yesterday about the program and how it works and way I'm doing this and you want? he knew, how embarrassing I guess I didn't do a very good job at sneaking and hiding. but he also surports me 100% So I hope we all can do this togeter and abstine or modera from the monster thathas taken over our lives. lets talk soon

[AMELIA]

the morning after the week before

Dear Patti,

I think its amazing that you have had the strength to tell to tell your partner what you have been up to. I'm sure they sometimes know but don't really want to know (if you know what I mean). My man used to ring up from work and ask if I'd been drinking and I'd just say a plain no and go on about my ficticious day. But in the end it sort of comes out. So good for you. Have you got the books etc yet? The sups and topamax really do help. I have just finished my first day today and it wasn't so bad although I am wide awake and not just falling into bed as normal. Let me know how you're going. Joanne Amelia:

[Patti]

the morning after the week before

Hi Joanne Anelia,

I have got the book and read it, I found a great web site, www.swansonvitamins.com and got all of my sups for under $70.00, now I'm waiting on them. My doctor will not give me the topamax because glacoma runs in my family big time and I feel the same way, I watch my grandparents go blind from it and my mother has it, anything that might make it worse, well no thank you. I'm trying the sups with kudzu and see how that works for me. Yes my partner is wonderful we talk about the program and other stuff that day I told him and wow I only had 1 drink and 2 beers. any other time 1 + drinks and 8 to 12 beers. Talking does help. I'm glad you had a good first day Let me know how your first week goes.