Day 4 This is how I feel

[Tulipe]

It's a brand new cloudy day here in this grey city, and I feel rested and alert. Am keeping my distance from DH at the moment as he is annoying me. He's used to making me feel, when he chooses, like if I do something I want I am being inconsiderate to him. Maybe so, maybe not. Marriage is about give and take, of course, not about winning and losing. Not sure how much of this is the detox talking or true feelings, but this is how I feel.

Forgot to take the last set of campral last night and didn't miss it. Took first set this morning though, and feeling chilled. Nothing my security blanket in the form of my pink fleece jacket can't cure though.

WARNING - the next section does not paint a very flattering picture of me! If you hate me for it at least you don't know me!

This competitive feeling that I used to have when in the corporate world is coming out. Before children, before leaving my job for a second time for DH's career (no worries here I actually got a plum of a job in the new location), I had this really sharkish feeling about other working moms. I knew that I could do better than they. I would get the better projects because they had to leave sometimes to pick up sick kids or had limited ability to travel. I knew that I could work later and harder because I had fewer distractions. I wanted to be number one, and I could beat out most of the men too.

Now I am getting this feeling about drinking. You (I mean the general population, not those of us who are struggling) can drink in front of me. I want you to. In fact, I will pour you big drinks, and encourage you to continue until you can't take it anymore. I want that power over you. You can go make an ass of yourself, and I can just sit back and watch. I am about to embark on a period of high productivity and creativity, and my fuel is not AL but YOUR AL.

Well that's how I feel today, anyway. Oops my hands are shaking at the moment. I'm sure it will pass.

- Tulipe

[choppersmom]

Day 4 This is how I feel

Tulipe, well done on 4 days AF :goodjob: If you view beating AL in the same competitive way as the corporate world, I say go for it! Whatever you can do to beat this, right? Keep going girl, you are off to a fine start!

[Goodboy]

Day 4 This is how I feel

Good job on day 4. Keep up the good work. It is good to have this site to share your feelings on huh? It's all part of the healing process I suppose. hang in there. I hope to be at day 4 soon. haven't made it past 2 yet.

[42cat]

Day 4 This is how I feel

Well done - Day 4! ... Sounds like you've got some great energy and motivation behind how you're feeling ... Go with it .. use it!

[gyco]

Day 4 This is how I feel

hi again T,what your saying was yu were ruthless,thats ok,it was the past,put it behind you or it will eat you up like wolves,your seeing the other side now,good for you again have a geat day gyco

[Cinders]

Day 4 This is how I feel

Tulipe,

I am excited for you because you are on a roll!! You did make me laugh with the shaking hands in the last line, though. What a great sense of humor.

If competition is what floats your boat, use it. Use whatever you have to.

btw, I can relate to the hubby issues. I am married to a wonderful man but his complete lack of understanding of addiction makes it very difficult for me to really communicate about it honestly with him. There is a reason AA says "don't tell your spouse when you want a drink, call us." It is because they can't understand or help. It could lead to a drink.

Log in here and you will find hundreds who understand and are willing to talk you through. Talk to hubby and he will be afraid and unable to deal with it.

Cindi

[Tulipe]

Day 4 This is how I feel

Well I certainly don't mean to offend anyone. And I never want to hurt anyone. Geiko I wasn't ruthless, not like I've seen it in others, just driven and ambitious. I was very bad at corporate politics and that held me back.

Cindi thanks for the sharing on your DH. I just have to learn to keep my mouth shut.

Who knows what tomorrow brings. Have a GREAT DAY y'all!

[lukalee]

Day 4 This is how I feel

Tulipe, great job on day 4. Imagery works well for me, but be careful when you're in the real situation of pouring drinks or other situations. AL is a sneaky bastard and will hit you over the head when you least expect it, which means when you think you have the most control.
Great job, keep up the great work!!

[Tulipe]

Day 4 This is how I feel

Oh no, my mom just got here from the US. Haven't dealt with parents while sober in years.... Definitely taking 3rd set of campral tonight.

[mica]

Day 4 This is how I feel

HI!

Hi, Tulipe, and I agree with Lukalee about the pouring of the drinks. That is what got me in trouble my first party after a 30 AF stint.... I thought I could handle it, thought I was above the old habits, thought.... well, you get the idea.

Good luck with having guests! I hope that you can go out for a walk if everyone gets too much to handle. Good luck!