So I have decided to discuss my embarassing demons with the world.
Not exactly sure where to start, but I know I need to talk through this stuff.
I just recently got divorced, and my drinking was definitely a contribution to the downfall of the marriage.
Since my ex moved out, I've been drinking 6 or more drinks usually daily. I always hated it when she asked me not to have another beer. She was protecting me, I now see that. I just felt controlled then.
To make matters worse, work has reached a incredibly stressful fever pitch, which also makes me want to escape down a rabbit hole every night. I have a level of stress and job responsiblity that awakens me in the middle of the night or causes me not to sleep at all. I have contemplated suicide several times.
Just after the separation, I was working out 5-7 times a week and in the best shape of my life at 34, I had been channeling divorce rage into weightlifting. Now, I feel a pain in my abdomen and have noticeably gotten 2" fatter around my waist, and lost alot of that hard earned muscle. Basically two months of binging has taken a toll already. Maybe its the junk food I mindlessly eat when I am buzzed.
I celebrated my divorce with a huge party. Since I picked the keg up at 10am, I was pretty sloshed when my guests arrived (my party that started at 5pm). I did or said something horrible to my best friends wife (which I cannot remember) and they no longer talk to me.
I realized Monday AM when I woke up on the couch with a busted beer bottle next to the couch, that I am not being a good dad in this state. That's the second time I have fallen asleep on the couch on the precious days when they stay with me.
This could completely blow my custody rights. After waking up, I go to work, felt not so good, then got some more beer that night. Tuesday, unable to work thx to hangover. So I'd written the day off, might as well go back for more beer. I sometime feel like a mindless robot, just going to the grocery store without even wanting to.
My lost productive time is definetly not helping the work stress at all, just compounding matters. I want to pull myself together, be a better dad. I've gone 4 days or more in the past month without drinking and had no withdrawl symptoms. I know I need to stop before I damage my body permanently.
Not exactly sure where to start, but I know I need to talk through this stuff.
I just recently got divorced, and my drinking was definitely a contribution to the downfall of the marriage.
Since my ex moved out, I've been drinking 6 or more drinks usually daily. I always hated it when she asked me not to have another beer. She was protecting me, I now see that. I just felt controlled then.
To make matters worse, work has reached a incredibly stressful fever pitch, which also makes me want to escape down a rabbit hole every night. I have a level of stress and job responsiblity that awakens me in the middle of the night or causes me not to sleep at all. I have contemplated suicide several times.
Just after the separation, I was working out 5-7 times a week and in the best shape of my life at 34, I had been channeling divorce rage into weightlifting. Now, I feel a pain in my abdomen and have noticeably gotten 2" fatter around my waist, and lost alot of that hard earned muscle. Basically two months of binging has taken a toll already. Maybe its the junk food I mindlessly eat when I am buzzed.
I celebrated my divorce with a huge party. Since I picked the keg up at 10am, I was pretty sloshed when my guests arrived (my party that started at 5pm). I did or said something horrible to my best friends wife (which I cannot remember) and they no longer talk to me.
I realized Monday AM when I woke up on the couch with a busted beer bottle next to the couch, that I am not being a good dad in this state. That's the second time I have fallen asleep on the couch on the precious days when they stay with me.
This could completely blow my custody rights. After waking up, I go to work, felt not so good, then got some more beer that night. Tuesday, unable to work thx to hangover. So I'd written the day off, might as well go back for more beer. I sometime feel like a mindless robot, just going to the grocery store without even wanting to. My lost productive time is definetly not helping the work stress at all, just compounding matters. I want to pull myself together, be a better dad. I've gone 4 days or more in the past month without drinking and had no withdrawl symptoms. I know I need to stop before I damage my body permanently.
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