Not exactly sure where to start, but I know I need to talk through this stuff.
I just recently got divorced, and my drinking was definitely a contribution to the downfall of the marriage.
Since my ex moved out, I've been drinking 6 or more drinks usually daily. I always hated it when she asked me not to have another beer. She was protecting me, I now see that. I just felt controlled then.
To make matters worse, work has reached a incredibly stressful fever pitch, which also makes me want to escape down a rabbit hole every night. I have a level of stress and job responsiblity that awakens me in the middle of the night or causes me not to sleep at all. I have contemplated suicide several times.
Just after the separation, I was working out 5-7 times a week and in the best shape of my life at 34, I had been channeling divorce rage into weightlifting. Now, I feel a pain in my abdomen and have noticeably gotten 2" fatter around my waist, and lost alot of that hard earned muscle. Basically two months of binging has taken a toll already. Maybe its the junk food I mindlessly eat when I am buzzed.
I celebrated my divorce with a huge party. Since I picked the keg up at 10am, I was pretty sloshed when my guests arrived (my party that started at 5pm). I did or said something horrible to my best friends wife (which I cannot remember) and they no longer talk to me.
I realized Monday AM when I woke up on the couch with a busted beer bottle next to the couch, that I am not being a good dad in this state. That's the second time I have fallen asleep on the couch on the precious days when they stay with me.
![Frown](https://www.mywayout.org/community/core/images/smilies/frown.png)
My lost productive time is definetly not helping the work stress at all, just compounding matters. I want to pull myself together, be a better dad. I've gone 4 days or more in the past month without drinking and had no withdrawl symptoms. I know I need to stop before I damage my body permanently.
Comment