Scared but optimistic

[tiptronic_ct]

:new:

Hi, All

I've been lurking here for almost a month, having realised I have a serious problem with alcohol, but only now worked up the courage to post...

I am a 39 y/o guy, from Cape Town, South Africa. I've been married for almost 14 years, and have a 12 y/o son and a 9 y/o daughter. My wife and I are both professionals, and we do quite well for ourselves.

However, I am endangering myself and my family (especially the kids) with my drinking. So many of the stories on these forums could have been written by me, and I can really identify with many of the other members.

My "relationship" with alcohol started over 20 years ago, when I went to university. It started off as occasional binge-drinking, as students are wont to do. Over time, it has progressed to a bottle (750ml) of vodka and the best part of a bottle of wine a day. Over weekends, I drink even more.

But enough is enough: my health is cr*p, my relationships with family and friends are going down the tubes and my career has become stagnant. I have withdrawn from everyone and everything that used to be close to my heart. My day-to-day life now consists of constant fretting over alcohol. The typical feelings of regret when waking up, and then the build-up of anxiety during the course of the day, anticipating the relief I will feel when I've had that first swallow from the bottle (who bothers with a glass if you can drink straight from the bottle, right?)

Anyhow, that's my story in short.

Now to my plan: I've decided to go the baclofen route. Placed my order with 4RX earlier today. Baclofen is only available on prescription in South Africa, so I'm hoping nothing will go wrong at customs! (I would love to hear from other South Africans that have tried baclofen - where to obtain etc.) In the meantime, I'm going to be tapering down my drinking in preparation. I've been able to do it in the past, but not for very long periods before going to my usual levels.

Thanks to all the regular posters here on MWO - it's been inspirational and has helped me reach the point where I am ready to do something concrete, instead of just thinking about getting out of this mess.

tiptronic

[cacky]

Scared but optimistic

Tip,


Welcome from the east coast of the US. You do sound like so many of us. I spend alot of time on this site because i am able to keep in touch with people who are in the same situation as i am. I am not totally sober but i can say that i spend more days AF than with AL each week. I also take Baclofen (just started) and am really hoping to see some progress.

Keep posting and keep reading. We all care and are in pretty much the same boat.

:welcome:

[startingover]

Scared but optimistic

Hi Tip, a huge welcome to you!
It sounds like you have the beginnings of a good plan. It might help you to check out the meds forum if you havent done so already, plus the Tool Box thread in Monthly Abstinence Forum.
Oh and there is also a tapering thread about somewhere, I'll see if I can find it and bump it up for you.
It was started by 42Cat.
There is loads of help and support here, so make sure you stick around.
Take care

[startingover]

Scared but optimistic

I have bumped the thread for you, you will find it near the top of General Discussion or just click New Posts at the top of any forum..

[choppersmom]

Scared but optimistic

Hi Tip and :welcome: You sound as though you have a great plan to start out with. Keep posting and reading. You are going to find a ton of support here. Welcome aboard

[raineyjane]

Scared but optimistic

today is day 3 for me. I'm taking antibuse. I also want to try baclofen. I think you might ask a doctor about it, i have read some post's here and people on it are taking it in small amounts, then increasing it over time. Someone also told me not to just stop taking it. Come off it slowly. I'm glad your here. I really get alot of comfort from the truly wonderful people at mwo. YOu can do this. We all can!

[jessie]

Scared but optimistic

Hi Triptonic - I'm also a South African trying to beat the beast - let me know if Baclofen worked,,,please

[tiptronic_ct]

Scared but optimistic

Thanks, cacky and startingover. It is this kind of encouragement that helped me to muster up enough courage to join :-)

I've been following the meds forum very closely. Especially the baclofen threads and the input by the two Bills. I'm not someone who can open up very easily, so AA, doctors, psychiatrists aren't my preferred way of beating this monster. Also, in South Africa (and I guess most places) alcoholism is extremely stigmatised by the "middle classes" so I would prefer to fight this battle privately, using MWO as a place where I can open out without fear of judgment.

[startingover]

Scared but optimistic

I totally agree with that Tip, thats what I did too, just be careful with withdrawals OK?

[42cat]

Scared but optimistic

Welcome, Tip. Nice to meet you. Your story sounds similar to mine .. 750 ml rum or vodka per day, and I drank all day long, morning to night, including topping myself up at work (luckily I don't work near anyone). I see startingover bumped my tapering thread -- thanks, Start. ..... I posted my rundown of the week after I'd made it to Day 4 of tapering because I was afraid to post a whole lot about it in the beginning, in case I failed. Jeez, that is so silly now that I think of it.

You have found a wonderful website of people who are all fighting the same battle .. lots of understanding and non-judgemental advice and thoughts here. I couldn't have worked my way out of the hole I was in without it. And if I could do it after all of these years, I truly feel that anyone can. You just have to keep trying things (such as your Baclofen plan) and find what works best for you .. and if, for some reason, it's not for you .. try something else, ad many times as you need to try ... and you'll definitely get there.

You're on your way!

[tiptronic_ct]

Scared but optimistic

Thank you, everyone, for your positive messages.

Cat: I love your avatar. We have 3 cats at home, and planning to adopt another when the Animal Welfare Society is overwhelmed come springtime.

Start: I'll watch it very carefully. My withdrawal sypmtoms have been bad before, so I intend taking it more slowly. I just want to get my drinking levels down before starting the baclofen, and I really, really want to remember how my evenings end - most mornings no recollection of what happened after around 10.30.

Jessie: I'll probably start my own progress thread once I receive my order. Just a bit nervous about ordering online meds, but most of th eothers don't seem to have many issues.

Choppersmom & rainey: thanks for the warm welcome. For the 1st time in a very, very long time, the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train :-)

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Scared but optimistic

Hi Tiptronic and welcome. It is good that you have a plan of action and are trying to cut back before going AF. You wil not be judged here, we have all been down the same path. You can look forward to encouragement and support and you can do this. I know how hard it is at the start but you sound determined. Good luck.
Keep safe
KTAB

[Bluzgtar]

Scared but optimistic

Good Mornin' Tip:

Welcome to MWO.

To begin with I'm in Dallas, TX USA and don't know much about what you may expect regarding the customs check in So Africa with the Baclofen order. I ordered Topamax from River Pharmacy in Canada and had no trouble with customs and my delivery. Topa is also a Script drug here.

Second, sounds like a taper back on consumption is a good plan. If you have been hittin' it hard the detox process is going to be a bitch, but, you can do it. I would brobably look at a 7 day process with the 7th day being a Thursday. That will make the Friday your first AF free day and hopefully the weekend with out the stresses of work and daily routine requirements somewhat easier to deal with. Load the kitchen with lots of fruit, juices and alternate stuff to put to your lips than wine or vodka. I used bottled water (I was a beer drinker) and those huge hershy chocolate bars. Don't do the chocolate. The sugar will be a hard craving to break eventually too. I also use the L-Glutamine, Kudzu supplements and have yet to use the Topamax. But, it's there if I need it. Also download and read Roberta Jewel's book, "My Way Out". It's a great guide for getting started.

You'll make plenty of new friends here. Some are abstainers, some are moderators but they all are here for one reason, and that is to get a handle on their use of alcohol. We all hope you find what you are looking for. If not here, then somewhere.

My best to you in your journey and remember that your future happiness is in your hands.

All my best

Blu

[sunnydaz]

Scared but optimistic

Welcome Tip....I'm new here too but have had some sobriety(41/2 years) but took it for granted and now I'm at about 4 and a half months. For me I do a combination of things....read everything I can get my hand on about alcoholism and hang around others that don't drink or stay close by my recovery friends. I started in AA and found some meetings that I like but I do have trouble with some of the meetings...so it's definately not for everyone. Sounds like you have a good plan for yourself...hang in there...there is so much to learn about yourself you will be amazed.

Sunnydaz

[tiptronic_ct]

Scared but optimistic

KTAB, blu & sunny: thanks for the encouragement and advice.

It's weird: ever since posting on MWO, I feel I have more courage to tackle this, but at the same time, my constant FEAR is more intense. But in a sense, I feel the fear is good - I am finally doing something about AL. I have seen too much destruction as a result of it around me. I mentioned the recent death of a cousin and the alienation of my dad as a result of their alcoholism in another post. In addition to that: my brother died at age 39 (the same age I am now) after he lost control of his bike - his blood alcohol level was three times over the legal limit when he had the accident. He left his wife and two young children behind. A colleague of mine spent six months in hospital recovering from a car accident - he was drunk at the time. Etc. etc. etc.