Anna from Michigan

[Tulipe]

Anna from Michigan

Hi Liath,
Just wanted to say hello and offer support. I am with you to work together to try to say ciao to AL. It sounds like you have a great future ahead of you, but battling with family history is quite the burden. My dad also is living the AL life after spending a month in the hospital this winter. Supposedly he's not drinking but who really knows.

Anna - love the picture! How are you doing?

- Tulipe

[Anna B]

Anna from Michigan

Hi Liath & Tulipe,

Thanks for checking in with me. Right now I'm still waiting on pins & needles for my baclofen to arrive. Hopefully it should be here soon! I plan on starting a thread on my progress once I get it....

Re: anxiety issues & acupuncture. Great advice, Liath. I have tried that in the past and it worked but it just didn't last very long--same w/ deep tissue massage and other non-drug type therapies. I'm glad to hear that it worked well for you.

Tulipe--I'm glad you noticed that I changed my avatar. I laughed out loud when I read your message about Sylvia and how her story freaked you out. I couldn't agree more--I just love her work so much that I try to forget about the rest. It's funny: I also chose it when I was in quite a dark mood. All in all, I'd rather have a flower up there next to my name on this board than a picture of a brilliant woman w/ a tragic life. (Not that I'm saying I'm brilliant--but I definitely don't want the "tragic life" piece to represent me long-term).

Re: your thoughts on the marriage/alcohol issue. I totally agree that my drinking problem is not causing all of the problems in my marriage. It was our very visit to that particular marriage counselor so I'm not quite ready to look for someone else. My husband just got to vent a lot more than I did. But re: the psychiatrist issue. I have a great therapist who is a LCSW and can't prescribe medication. I've seen a number of psychiatrists in the town I live in (it's not a big place) and they've all been idiots and have referred me to the guy I've been complaining about. I'm DEFINITELY firing him and am going to go it on my own w/ the baclofen & my regular therapist. I had a lot of blood work done a month ago and everything came back totally normal (including my liver enzymes--how is that possible????), so my plan right now is to go it alone w/out the psychiatrist and just keep seeing my regular therapist and, if the bac works for me, then disclose everything to my GP and get regular medical supervision. The university where I'm a professor is medium-sized but word definitely gets AROUND and I'd prefer that my alcoholism was not in my medical records. (my health insurance is weird--all of our care takes place in one building w/ all of the other students, staff, etc. if you want extra txt or confidentiality, you have to pay out of pocket and go elsewhere as I've been doing w/ the idiot psychiatrist).

Liath--congrats on finishing your masters and best of luck to you in applying to PhD programs. I don't know what your field is, but I can definitely relate to the experience of trying to get publications out and applying to graduate school. Besides intelligence, it takes a lot of tenacity. And drinking certainly drains us of both. argh.

Also--what is the deal w/ these alcoholic family members (particularly fathers) that we all seem to have? I tried so many times to get my dad help until one really empathetic counselor who knew my dad told me that I should give up and worry about helping myself. It seems mean but, honestly, it was some of the best advice I've ever received. My dad is 72 and is still a drunk. He may have some periods of sobriety (longest I remember is 6 months) out of pure willpower but he can never keep it up in the long-run. I know his depression and anxiety are big things that get in the way for him. He is also totally unwilling to seek out help from anyone--not just professionals/doctors, but also friends/family/groups like these/AA, etc. The amazing thing is that he's still very intelligent, articulate and acts much younger than his age. Btw, he's an unbelievable asshole when he's drinking so don't think I'm romanticizing him in any way. Anyway, sorry to go on and on. I think we probably all have some pretty crazy/awful/similar experiences w/ alcoholic relatives.

Hope you both are doing well today....

--Anna

[Liath]

Anna from Michigan

Hey Anna and Tulipe

On the subject of our fathers, my dad is a successful, career driven man who doesn't hear a word anyone says if its about his drinking. He is not trying to cut back or anything to my knowledge. I am the oldest and used to feel pressured to do something "big" with my career impress him. Now I am just worried he will die of an alcohol related disease. (its hard even to type this) He is only 55 but I see no hope for him quitting. I had to take the same advice, to let it go and focus on getting healthy myself. I refuse to fall into the trap that my father has. (part of me says, but this is my DAD, must go down with the ship) I feel like I got his brains AND his issues in the genetic mix. Depression, anxiety, ditto!

Enough about that, too sad! I am home and not drinking and thats something for a friday night. Take care ladies!

Liath

On a happier note, about grad school: I definitely have the tenacity. I have spent 3 years on the manuscript which I am resubmitting tomorrow. 2nd time should be the charm here! My field is Microbiology.

[Tulipe]

Anna from Michigan

Well darnit I wrote a huge note about my dad but I timed out while writing it, forgot to copy the text before logging in again, and I lost it! Here goes again:
Liath your dad is young. If he's anything like my dad he has a long way to go before hitting bottom. Here is some history on my dad.
At 55 he was a drunk. He was viewed as successful, but he is drunk everyday at lunch and in the evening. At 57 he had a car accident which really messed up his knee. He refused to go to hospital, and the police let him go because he has connections in the county. At our second anniversary party, he was a walking overweight slurring unsteady mass of incoherence.

At 62 he stopped drinking for a little while, but it creeped back. [OOH, just caught my 9 year old daughter reading this while I was in the kitchen. Yikes. Gotta be more careful.]

At about 65, he allegedly had moderated. However, at a visit with DH and our kids, I caught him taking slugs straight from the vodka bottle in a cabinet. Click click went the cabinet, glug glug went his throat. I totally lost it. I started screaming at him. I threw bottles at him. I poured them all down the drain. I found vodka in a sambuca bottle and threw it at him. I was in a complete rage. I have never felt so angry in all my life, never before, never since. It was terrible. My mom and DH watched in horror. DH has not come back for a visit since, can't blame him frankly.

At around 67, during the summer, he fell in the parking lot, blacktop, on a hot sunny summer day. He laid there getting fried like an egg. You know the old saying, 'it's so hot out there you could fry an egg on the sidewalk,', I think that is from Beverly Cleary or Judy Blume, showing my aga ha ha? Well his brain was already fried, but the blacktop cooked him like a steak until he had 3rd degree burns on his leg. He said he quit drinking, and I think did for a few months.
About 8 months later, he fell going from the car to the front door at their home, and laid there in the snow for who knows how long until a neighbor saw him and rang the doorbell. They got him into the house, and he bullied my mom into not calling the doctor or going to hospital. Turns out, he broke something in his back, maybe at this fall or some other, but he refuses to have the operation to repair it.
About 6 months later, he fell onto the bed and couldn't get up. Again, he bullied mom into keeping quiet. He pissed all over the place. I think it was aweful. Who knows how many other things have happened that mom hasn't told me about.
This winter, he told everyone he wasn't drinking, except turns out he was drinking with his alcoholic buds and sneaking lots more. One morning, mom got up (they sleep in separate rooms because they both snore so much but not because of marital probs), made coffee, had breakfast, and thought how strange that dad wasn't up yet. Eventually she went looking for him and found him on the bathroom floor. He'd been laying there for hours, who knows how many. He's also left a trail of poop from the downstairs to the upstairs, because by then he had alcoholic hepatitis. His body was in complete failure. He told her he would beat her to a pulp if she called a doctor or an ambulance. Thankfully, she called an ambulance and off he went. Within 2 hours he started WD. Later she found a bunch of vodka bottles hidden behind the stereo. She thinks he had been getting up in the middle of the night to drink.
During the next week, he had everything in the book - DT's, seizures, hallucinations, the full monty. He continued to tell her he was going to beat her up when he got out of the hospital. What a MF.

He said he has no desire to drink again. However, she left him for 4 days to visit us. When I spoke with him on Tuesday he sounded wasted. I don't trust him.

Bottom line, Liath, water seeks its own level, and although painful to see your dad destroy himself there's nothing you can do.

Hope finishing the manuscript goes well, and congratulations on finishing it. That is a piece of work, and in a tough field to boot.

Anna sounds like you have a good plan. Hope the bac gets there soon - hang on!

Have a great day,
Tulipe