Day 1

[goingsobermum]

:new: Hi,
I've been browsing this forum for a few weeks and now that I have made a decision to give up drinking (the initial goal is a month) I feel I can start posting. I felt too self conscious before.
I am 37 and have been drinking since I was 15. During my 3 pregnancies I cut down and even stopped for a few months but then started up again, drinking even whilst breastfeeding. I seem to have reached a point when I have to do something. In April I signed up for a marathon at the end of October. My running started well then tailed off. This week I have started again. I may not manage to get fit enough in time but it'll be better that continuing to drink so much. With 3 children now something has to give, I surrounded by unfinished or unstarted projects and plagued with frequently returning depression. For years I've tried to get healthier with diet and exercise and self help books. All my symptoms have cures but I have failed to get the main problem under control, the drinking. I have hoped it would just sort itself out and go away naturally, but that just doesn't happen does it? So today is day 1. I have survived lunch with a friend had drunk orange juice. But can feel that later will be harder. I have some L-glutamine somewhere so need to get that out. I also have a deep mediation CD to try. I ran this morning which always helps me feel better. I realised yesterday that when I was depressed as a teenager and on antidepressants and tranquilisers I had already started drinking white wine at weekends. I thought it had been the other way round so was able to deny that alcohol had anything to do with the depression.
I'm really glad to have found this board. As a Mum I have kept my problems quiet as I have worried that social services would be less than supportive if they found out. My kids are well balanced and happy at school and home. Its nice to see that I am not alone. Sad to see that others suffer like this too, but pleasing to see that people are getting support and getting better. I am blogging my progress. As I said I was too self concsious to post so I have blogged and will carry on doing so. I will put the blog address in my profile if I can if not just ask me if you'd like to look.
Thanks to you all
gettingsobermum

[Jackie M]

Day 1

Gettingsobermum-

I am glad you found your way to this website. I hope you will find it as inspriring as I have over the past month. I am now on my 25th alcohol free day.

I also suffer from depression with a good dose of anxiety thrown in the mix. I know for me, I drink to self medicate. I should've recognized my depression for what it was years ago and done something about it. Instead I got caught in a vicious cycle of getting plastered, feeling depressed and hungover the day after, and going right back to the bottle to make myself feel better. It's a nasty pit to try to dig yourself out of.

Good for you on picking up your running again. I know exercise has been helping me tremendously since I started this program. It takes a few weeks to get back in the swing of things but it is worth it.

Welcome and good luck on your journey.

Peace,

Jackie

[goingsobermum]

Day 1

Thanks for your reply and well done for getting where you are.
This morning I woke with a headache and felt tearfull, but I have survived 2 invitations from neighbours for a drink and am now going to go for a run as its 6pm and I'd much rather sit down with a glass or 2 of white wine. So with day 2 going well I'm happy so far.

[mikeupnorth]

Day 1

Dear Goingsobermum--

Welcome to our community; I'm glad that you found us! As you pointed out, you have come across a group of people who have suffered many of the same problems and are indeed getting better. It doesn't happen without some effort, and in many cases without some setbacks, but we do get better.

Have you read the book My Way Out yet?

Mike

[pokey]

Day 1

Welcome, Goingsobermum --

Isn't it great to find people with such similar stories? For many years I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I was shocked to find out that's not true ... and have really learned a lot about myself while reading everyone else's story.

I wish you much success.

[Guest]

Day 1

Jackie M wrote: Gettingsobermum-

I am glad you found your way to this website. I hope you will find it as inspriring as I have over the past month. I am now on my 25th alcohol free day.

I also suffer from depression with a good dose of anxiety thrown in the mix. I know for me, I drink to self medicate. I should've recognized my depression for what it was years ago and done something about it. Instead I got caught in a vicious cycle of getting plastered, feeling depressed and hungover the day after, and going right back to the bottle to make myself feel better. It's a nasty pit to try to dig yourself out of.

Good for you on picking up your running again. I know exercise has been helping me tremendously since I started this program. It takes a few weeks to get back in the swing of things but it is worth it.

Welcome and good luck on your journey.

Peace,

Jackie

Hi Jackie, I'm a 43 year old female who has been drinking since 21, I drink/drank for the exact same reasons you did!.......(THE OLD VICOUS CYCLE)I had 21 days without the poison, and then yesterday I had so much anxiety, I gave in and drank 2 bottles of white wine, to relieve some of my anxiousness, what I wound up with is a F**KIN Hangover!.................Alcohol causes more anxiety!!...I need to learn to deal with my anxieties without self medicating!..I was on Celexa for a couple of years, it helped with the depression and anxiety but I didn't care how much I drank and I lost my sex drive, I stopped cold turkey about 10 months ago,(HELL for 6 months).. when doctors put you on this stuff they don't tell you once you stop you go through HORRIBLE WITHDRAWALS!............I will never take an anti-depressent again!

[mw451]

Day 1

KIM wrote: Alcohol causes more anxiety!!...

Kim is right. My doctor told me this years ago because I suffer for the same reasons, basically depression and even loneliness, even while married with a child in the same home.

OK, this is how is was explained: You're feeling down, a rough day at home or work, you drink to feel relaxed/better. You drink and drink, you sleep... You get up the next morning, the alcohol has worn off, and you have coffee/caffeine... Guess what? The caffeine gives you that morning wake-up rush and BOOM!!! Anxiety sets in. You feel urgent/panicky/anxiety. It is "normal" for alcoholics to feel this, and this leads to more problems or Meds to control it.

I take Ativan and Paxil, for depression and anxiety, both caused by my drinking. My doc is sick and tired of me doing this, and when I go see him this week and ask for an anti-alcohol Med, like Topomax, I'm sure he'll be relieved that I've finally got to this point, ready to stop the insanity.

I have a question for you, I take Kudzu, have for about a month or so, and that helps. But the other supplements you mentioned, do they help you more? I'm just trying to figure out what works and what doesn't.

I wish you the best, and YOU CAN DO IT!!!

mw

[Jackie M]

Day 1

Kim-antidepressants

Kim-

Celexa was the first anti-depressant I took six years ago. It made me feel better in some ways but I felt I had no energy. I switched to Wellbutrin which gave me more energy but turned me into a witch. Next, I went to Effexor which worked great but came with sexual side effects. After the Effexor I decided to just take supplements (amino acids, St. John's Wort). I only took them sporadically and didn't have very good results.

Last September I started feeling terrible. I was having episodes where my heart and head would pound, my vision would get really screwy and I thought that I would pass out. I was terrified-I was sure I had a brain tumor or was experiencing minor strokes. After five years without a drink I started having a glass of wine or two at night to forget about the episodes I was having. I finally went to the doctor and found out they were panic attacks. My doctor prescribed Buspar which made me feel awful for an hour or so after I took it. I did some research on my own and decided I wanted to take Serzone. I started taking it but didn't quit drinking. I was worried about taking Serzone with alcohol so I chose booze over the medication (that's some smart thinking). My drinking got out of control (there was a reason I quit for five years).

I was in self-destruct mode until about six weeks ago. I decided enough was enough and I was fortunate to stumble upon this site. I am back on the Serzone full time and I'm exercising and taking supplements. I feel sooooo much better.

Pleae be careful with yourself. I know how anxiety and/or depression can impact your life.
Glad you are here and feel free to private message me anytime.

Jackie

[goingsobermum]

Day 1

I took anti depressants when I was 16 and had a couple of frightening experiences so don't really want to go down that road. I am changing my diet so as much as possible is raw to ensure I get as many nutrients as possible. The book 'Potatoes not Prozac' is good as it details the problems alcohol and sugar addicts have with depression and lack of endorphins and using diet to help that. I haven't read the 'my way out book yet but have found the site usefull, mostly in the forum. I struggle taking supplements I guess that part of a lack of self value. I have to eat and feed my family so find it easy to improve things there as its not just for me and will do them good too.

[weezie]

Day 1

afraid to start

While looking for a book called "no way in but out", I "stumbled" on to this title(mwo) on Amazon. Is it true? There are no accidents in the universe?

I have been struggling, miserable, self-loathing, scared, depressed....et al, for years about the fact that I am a highly functioning alcoholic married to a highly functioning alcoholic. We honestly have a great marriage and are both in our 50's with great kids, great grandkids, great careers. Leaders in our community. For the life of me, I can't figure out how we are so screwed up on this one issue. I think we are in a terrible habit that we have been in, that has grown worse for years. Basically, we started out having a great cocktail hour at the end of the day to discuss our day. That has turned into cocktail hours until we go to bed and pass out.

We quit smoking years ago and I liken the alcohol to the habit of smoking. It's a habit. All this drinking leaves me disgusted with myself, in a haze all morning, downing caffeine until I can start a high powered day, yet evey evening, I begin again. I remember crying when I quit smoking as if I'd lost a huge part of myself and now I'm so glad that part is LOST! Will I be glad I got rid of the alcohol too??


We are very social. At parties, out to dinner, giving parties.. All this involves alcohol. If I stop all that, I will really be sad. But should I be around alcohol? Did you quit cold turkey? Isn't that the only successful way?

I will not go to AA because we are too well known in our community. I am so excited to try Roberta's program, yet I am still loath to give up my wine. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. Am I not ready?


Were you unsure? Scared to start? do I really need the hypnotherapy tapes? The topomax? Is this for real? I want it to be easy. But I know it won't be easy. Should I just go it alone without all the razzmatazz? Does all that stuff help? I know I must quit, but I am still so afraid of giving up my bottle. What will replace it?? Thanks. Weezie:new:

[lushy]

Day 1

Boy do I feel your pain. I am in the same boat. Know I need to, but like my wine too much. I did go 4 days last week without a drink which was HUGE for me. If you are willing you can do it. If not, then at least explore your options on this website and see if you can consider moderate drinking. Whatever you do, I wish you the best. This struggle is hard.........We are here for you.

[June]

Day 1

Weezie,
:welcome: I started this program last November and I was very unsure and scared, but also very ready for it to work. At the time I was drinking 1.5 to 2 bottles of wine per night. I am 37 and have been drinking heavily for almost 20 yrs, so it was starting to strain on me physically and emotionally. I was really ready for a change! I decided to do the whole program, I ordered the book, supplements, CDs, and topamax (over the internet). I was afraid to see a doctor about the medicine at first. I must admit I did not do the recommended 30 days of abstinence. I did not really notice a decrease in my desire to drink until amount 75mg of topamax, but I did cut down some from the beginning b/c of taking time in the evening to to the hypno tapes and the Kudzu and Calms Forte tend to make you sleepy. But once I got to the higher levels of topamax, I noticed a dramatic difference in my drinking. I still wanted the 1st drink at 6:00, but it could last all night. Once my desire to drink decreased, I did neglect the hypno CDs but finished out the 6 weeks of supplements. I continued to moderate very successfully with the topa ( I have stayed at 200 mg.) and All One. This worked very well for me. I went from almost 2 bottles of wine to having a bottle last 3 days, I could actually SIP instead of gulp.And I found myself not thinking about drinking all the time, a lot of the anxiety was gone!!! This program really does work, but I recommend doing the whole thing. Also a word of warning. I had a slipup. My dad went into the Cardiac ICU in June, as my stress levels increased, I noticed my drinking gradually increased and I was back up to a bottle a nite. When he passed away, I realized I was drinking to numb the pain. So I have decided to try abstinence for now b/c I think I need to. Just be careful when a bad time comes along, b/c it is easy to fall back into old habits. I failed to address the spiritual/emotional side of my sobriety. Let's just say I'm doing a lot more praying these days. :h Anyway, welcome and Good Luck!!