Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

[Liath]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

4th of July

Still hanging in there on a Friday night. Too our Aussie friends, I think your Saturday is in full swing already. Enjoy it!

I just wanted to say that the 4th of July weekend is definitely a time of reflection for me. The summer after I graduated from high school, my best friend died in a car accident on the 4th of July. She was driving drunk on a country road and went off the road after a big storm hit. I was one of the last people to see her alive. She had stopped by my house to pick me up since we had plans that day (we pretty much had plans every day back then). I was out all night at a concert the night before and couldn't get out of bed. I remember that I was tossing and turning during that storm and had some of the worst dreams of my life. I woke up and her mom was calling to break the news. I had experienced one of my very first "close calls" related to alcohol that day. A brush with death I guess you could call it. I survived but was devastated by the loss of my best friend. I try to remember her on this day. I thought I would share this story as a reminder of the real price that many of us have paid because of alcohol abuse. I know that everyone on this site wants to make those losses a thing of the past. Tomorrow is a tough day for me and the urge to drown my sorrows is actually quite strong. Thanks for listening.

[ronnie]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

Laith
I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend, my god just think that could of been you as well.
Well my dear, god has given you another chance and it looks like you are now taking that chance and well done for doing so.
Just think would'nt it be nice to remember your friend sober for a change on this day instead of through a bottom of a glass or bottle, im sure your friend who im sure will be looking down on you would be so proud of you,
I hope tomorrow goes well for you Laith, I really do
Love Ronnie xx

[Kimberley]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

God Liath, what a story. I am really sorry to hear that, but couldn't agree more with everything Ronnie said.

Take care and I will be here if you need me.
Lots of hugs X

[Liath]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

Thanks Kim, Ronnie.

Did I mention that my new best friend (as in the last 5 years) was BORN on the 4th of July? How ironic. At some point I will have to meet up with her to celebrate her birthday and I'm worried about handling it without drinking too much. (Everyone I know seems to have been born in July I tell you- even me) My boyfriend is not being very supportive at the moment and seems to think I am over-dramatizing my problem with AL. Apparently I should just be able to decide to be in control and it will happen. (no need to dwell on it or talk about it) Have I not gotten completely wasted around him enough to convince him that I have a problem?? Sigh. Thats why this site is so great, others do understand. And I am sure my man will come around.. maybe not today, however. I actually need to talk about it and keep it in the front of my mind (especially on the weekends) so I dont slip up. I suppose this IS a pain in the butt for those who have to deal with me. What to do?

[Kimberley]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

Liath, for birthdays, there are so many other things you could do rather than go to the pub- have an 'experience' day together, go to a spa, have a shopping trip - loads of stuff. If I have to meet someone at a pub because that's where they have chosen to meet for their b'day and if I'm feeling vulnerable, I sometimes distract myself by doing stuff like playing pool as well - I am now a pool QUEEN!

It's hard when people don't understand that you can't control your drinking. Two of my best mates just don't get it. I said: "I'm not drinking anymore" and one of them said "Oh so you're off the brandy then. But you can have a beer." And I said "No, I'm not drinking anything, like ever again." I still don't think he's taken it in and thinks I'm having a month off or something.

It's difficult as well with friends who are not that close. Most of them know me as a bit of a party girl but have NO IDEA what the real truth about my relationship with alcohol has been. And how do you tell them that you're REALLY NOT going to have a drink without explaining it all away! It's sure tricky.

Maybe it would be useful to find something on the net which sums up the nature of alcoholism or something and just get your boyfriend to read it?

[Liath]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

Its funny, before he left he said something to the effect of "I have seen how much you can accomplish when you put your mind to it-getting a masters degree while working full time for example- think of this as a test. If you have a two drink maximum then you get an A!" I think he us using the 'test' analogy because I am crazy about grades and try to ace all my exams. Ha ha. That has reminded me that I need to maintain a sense of humor about all this!

Kimberley- I can really relate to your friends just not getting it. Thats why I post, because I can't get into the details with friends and family. I just have to change on my own. And with everyone on this site of course! :thanks:

[Kimberley]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

Then tell him he's trying to compare apples and oranges :what?:

The trouble with that as well, which is how I learnt I can't mod is that the nature of al makes you let your guard down. Two or three drinks and it's like...weeeelllll if I have one more I won't have any tomorrow...

I tell you how I know I am a stark raving alcoholic who can't mod - in the past on (rar) occasions when I have successfully modded, I've felt extremely resentful when I've reached my agreed limit and stick to it. I felt like someone had slapped me round the face or something, so angry and irritated! :nutso: Crazy or what?!

[mairianna]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

I'm starting again. Been drinking heavily for 7 years. Tried a few times with little success. I've sent for some more Kudzu today as it definitely helps the craving. Life is passing by in a haze of alcohol. I so need to stop this.

[Kimberley]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

Welcome Mairianna, you will find a lot of support here. I hope the Kudzu works for you

[Liath]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

:welcome:Hi Mairianna

Drinking turned into a haze for me as well. Days would just be gone and all I had done was drink. Thats why we are posting, to distract, encourage, advise, etc. L-glutamine really helps with cravings I have found. Have you read the book yet? Its a good place to start.

[Liath]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

I survived the night! Worked on projects and studied for the GRE instead of drinking today. My house looks great and I know I will feel fine tomorrow when I go in for half a shift (for extra $$). Happy Sunday everyone!

[Kimberley]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

Hey congratulations Liath! That's a real big thing to have done - very proud of you, as you must be of yourself. Have a big hug from me :l

I have given myself a little pat on the back as well, as yesterday afternoon was really hard. Nothing like your case Liath, but I saw my ex bf (we are still going to be friends) and I had arranged to see someone else afterwards so I wouldn't feel lonely but she had to cancel, so I was VERY lonely, especially after seeing ex and then him going.

People changing plans on me always makes me feel a bit lost as well and used to be a classic reason for me to drink. Dunno why. But I phoned a few mates to pass the time and made sure I have something to do today.

Yes, Happy Sunday to everyone - it will be 2 weeks AF tomorrow for anyone who started the same time as me and loads of you who joined a bit later seem to be making really good progress too! :goodjob:

[irish eyes]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

Well done to you Liath and Kimberley my motto is just for today I will not drink. Keep it going YES WE CAN!:l

[Liath]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

Kimberley, thanks. You are also doing great- I know the 'lost' feeling when someone changes the plans. I got (a little) dressed up and waited for a couple of apprehensive hours while my friend was supposed to be telling me where to meet her. She was supposed to 'stop by' a barbecue and then figure out a place to meet. Finally, it got too late and I gave up on the whole thing. At least I didn't get stuck at a bar trying to stick to a 1 drink limit. Ugh.

Speaking of breaking plans and there bye disappointing people, I used to do this ALL THE TIME when I was a drunk. I would 'stop by' a bar a while before I was supposed to be somewhere. One drink would inevitably turn into three, friends would show up, etc. etc.. At a certain point I was probably too drunk to go meet someone who was not already partying with me and, even worse, I was known to blow off calling them to cancel. I am SO glad those days are over. I don't have to make shameful excuses to my sis for why I bailed on her and the kids. All of these incidents are in the past. I don't know about you guys, but I really CAN'T GO BACK to the way things were. AL does not control my life anymore.

Two weeks tomorrow
We are going to have to do something special I think. Whether you have been with us for the duration or if you are just joining after a rough weekend, be sure to check in on Monday! Thanks.

[Grim]

Today I start over again.. anyone want to join me?

Liath, I am with you 150%, there is simply NO GOING back to those days!

WE control OUR own lives, not the bastard AL!