hi all-
i first want to thank you all for your bravery in sharing your stories and offering such a support network. i have been reading the post over the past few days and feel like i have found the right "support" for me. i am a very private person but know that i have to tell my story and become part of the community. binge no more thank you for your voice and no you are not alone! i am 36 and although our story may not be the same our demons seem to be well in sycnc. so here goes:
no surprise i have a vast history of alcoholism and an assorment of other pleasant disorders which are experienced on both sides of my family - from this denial was one of my first life lessons and allowed me to continue to abuse myself and those around me for many, too many, years.
i started drinking when i was 12 or 13 and have engaged in very serious drinking and drug activity since then. my longest time sober was the 9 months that i carried my one and only son (who is now 4 and by far my greatest inspiration for stopping this disease in its tracks!) in my teens and early twenties i spent a great deal of my free time getting wasted under the pretense of "partying" easy to do if you now how to make the right friends.... birds of a feather.... since having my son i have been binge drinking anywhere from 2-3 times per month and gaining momentum over the past 6-months. binging for me means, starting off with the best intentions and then proceeding to drink myself into a coma, miss whatever responsibility i have the next day, start all the stories about the prior night with supposedly I _________, beg for everyone's forgiveness, promise everyone around me and myself never again and then wait a few weeks for my next opportunity to blow it. i have never been one to drink alone or even have a drink at home (assuming i do not go home already black out drunk - then all bets are off). i have been able to keep this life style up by once again finding a group of others like myself who have the wonderful abiltiy to deny, deflect and make counter accusations. this is my joke and has gotten me out of a lot of trouble - well until lately.
why i am here. i am scared to death of my self and my complete lack of control over alcohol. it plain and simple has caught up with me and i am done. i am becoming more and more dependent on these "parties" and am now on the radar of my company. i had two client dinners last week in which i complelety and unabashedly made a complete ass of myself and god only knows how much i must have embarrased everyone around me. not that this was the first or second time but it has happened so many times that despite my tenure and executive position within the firm it can not happen again. of course there is also my family who is at their wits end and as i mentioned my son who will need all the help i can give to make sure he does not fall into the mind set it is just a party, no big deal....
i finally told my shrink last Friday after 6-months that i am an alcoholic - he seemed surprised and said you know that is my specialty - i said yes i know that is why i chose you i was just hoping it was something else in my life that created this problem with my drinikng and i wanted to to explore alternative options before i finally admitted to myself and certainly anyone else that i can't drink and no moderation is not an option for me.
he gave me campral which seems to be working and i now have 4 1/2 days AF. i plan to hang in here and for anyone who has read this far, thank you.
i first want to thank you all for your bravery in sharing your stories and offering such a support network. i have been reading the post over the past few days and feel like i have found the right "support" for me. i am a very private person but know that i have to tell my story and become part of the community. binge no more thank you for your voice and no you are not alone! i am 36 and although our story may not be the same our demons seem to be well in sycnc. so here goes:
no surprise i have a vast history of alcoholism and an assorment of other pleasant disorders which are experienced on both sides of my family - from this denial was one of my first life lessons and allowed me to continue to abuse myself and those around me for many, too many, years.
i started drinking when i was 12 or 13 and have engaged in very serious drinking and drug activity since then. my longest time sober was the 9 months that i carried my one and only son (who is now 4 and by far my greatest inspiration for stopping this disease in its tracks!) in my teens and early twenties i spent a great deal of my free time getting wasted under the pretense of "partying" easy to do if you now how to make the right friends.... birds of a feather.... since having my son i have been binge drinking anywhere from 2-3 times per month and gaining momentum over the past 6-months. binging for me means, starting off with the best intentions and then proceeding to drink myself into a coma, miss whatever responsibility i have the next day, start all the stories about the prior night with supposedly I _________, beg for everyone's forgiveness, promise everyone around me and myself never again and then wait a few weeks for my next opportunity to blow it. i have never been one to drink alone or even have a drink at home (assuming i do not go home already black out drunk - then all bets are off). i have been able to keep this life style up by once again finding a group of others like myself who have the wonderful abiltiy to deny, deflect and make counter accusations. this is my joke and has gotten me out of a lot of trouble - well until lately.
why i am here. i am scared to death of my self and my complete lack of control over alcohol. it plain and simple has caught up with me and i am done. i am becoming more and more dependent on these "parties" and am now on the radar of my company. i had two client dinners last week in which i complelety and unabashedly made a complete ass of myself and god only knows how much i must have embarrased everyone around me. not that this was the first or second time but it has happened so many times that despite my tenure and executive position within the firm it can not happen again. of course there is also my family who is at their wits end and as i mentioned my son who will need all the help i can give to make sure he does not fall into the mind set it is just a party, no big deal....
i finally told my shrink last Friday after 6-months that i am an alcoholic - he seemed surprised and said you know that is my specialty - i said yes i know that is why i chose you i was just hoping it was something else in my life that created this problem with my drinikng and i wanted to to explore alternative options before i finally admitted to myself and certainly anyone else that i can't drink and no moderation is not an option for me.
he gave me campral which seems to be working and i now have 4 1/2 days AF. i plan to hang in here and for anyone who has read this far, thank you.
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