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Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

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    #1

    Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

    And the more I struggle, the more entwined I become.

    I've been in a kind of "every other day" pattern (which is better than Every day, I tell myself from the inside of the deceitful web...).

    But I did the "robot" thing just now - drove to store for some poison, feeling stupid, but ignoring that. HEY, my preferred poison is on Sale!! Gosh, that's a good reason, right? (And I've been told I'm rather intelligent, believe it or not!)

    And for the first time in quite some time, I woke up with a couple of those "mystery" bruises, one on leg & one on tailbone. I wonder if "someone up there" is literally kicking my ass??!!

    Yesterday, I talked to a friend I hadn't talked to in a while. I was drinking (yes, I broke the "every other day" rule! surprised??) while talking to her. At one point she told me that she was going on vacation & would have to put her dog in kennel. In my "altered" state of mind, I said, well, maybe I could take her!! OMG. First of all, while I adore animals in general (volunteer at SPCA)... this particular dog is... weird. Not that fond of her, to be honest. Yappy for no reason.

    Not to mention... I have a lovely kitty who has Never seen a dog!! OMG-OMG-OMG. I guess I have to hope she won't bring it up again...

    My heart was in the right place? I KNOW I wouldn't have suggested that had I been totally sober...

    I know this is a book. Haven't posted in a while & feel overdue!

    All this is just the tip of the iceberg.

    Maybe instead of the "web" metaphor I should have used the "toilet" one - ya know... where you're whirling around & around... waiting to be flushed!!



    But... do I pay attention?
    Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin
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    #2
    Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

    Sounds vaguely familiar.. well, actually, very familiar. Except when I am in that state I feel as though I am in a bubble full of fog. I bounce around not able to get out, and not letting anyone in. I often think the bubble is there to protect me, but the funny thing is; the one thing I need protection from is in the bubble with me - myself. I try not to spend too much time in there, but I certainly find myself back there more than I want to these days. I LOVE it when I am on the outside, so why in the hell do I go back in. It is a false sense of security; that is for sure!

    Anyway, I wonder if it would be a good idea to call your friend and just be honest with her. I found that if I have said anything while I was drinking, it makes it 100x worse if I just let it sit, or even worse, try to cover it up. Just coming clean and saying that you said it before you gave it thought would free you from it all.

    I hope you have a healthy day!

    MM
    Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

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      #3
      Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

      MM - I LIKE your "bubble" metaphor!! Maybe this thread should be about all the metaphors we (creative) alkies (ick) come up with!!

      Lessee - we have Web, Toilet and Bubble so far. Anyone else??

      I sometimes complain to myself about Isolation... yet find myself seeking it. Again, WTH?

      I'm beginning to think it's about trying to make sense of senselessness! (Is that a word?)
      Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

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        #4
        Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

        I agree with MM... give your friend a call and be honest about it not being suitable to look after her dog -- maybe offer to help her find somewhere else?

        Mysterious bruises are not funny are they -- double up on your Vit C dose to help them heal, lots of water and STAY CLOSE!

        You don't have to do this on your own Savon, we are here to support each other -- strength in numbers:-)
        "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

        Comment

          #5
          Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

          Hi Savvy

          Good to heear from you, I'd noticed that you hadn't been around so much the last few weeks. Come back to ODAT! It's quiet without you.

          Metaphors hey?

          Well I got on the carousel. It was fun and I was young. All my friends were on it. We jumped on and off it as it wasn't going too fast back then. But when I finished uni it started going faster and faster. My friends had the good sence to get off it but I carried on riding. You see, I thought I could get off anytime I wanted and it was still fun. As the years went by it got even faster, it wasn't so much fun anymore and it was making me feel sick. :flush: I realised I'd wasted a lot of time on that carousel, that I should have been doing other things. I decided to get off too, but it was just going too fast and I was shocked to find I couldn't get off. :upset:
          If alcohol made you happy I should be the happiest person alive! I'm not.

          Comment

            #6
            Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

            DB - Thanks. It really wouldn't be that bad if I Didn't look after her dog... just that I SAID I would is bad. She already planned on the kennel thing, but ME - being in that "I love Everybody" mode... welll....

            It's all good. (In that regard)

            I'm here, and closer than I have been in a month or so. Sometimes (as much as I love MWO) it feels a bit like a double-edged sword. Love to hear the success stories, of course. But when I read about people in Worse situations, then I think: wellll, I'm not that bad, after all. (YET)

            I will probably be here.. for a while...

            Really luvs youse guys. How is it that people with this problem are so.... NICE? More than many w/out the problem... What does that mean?

            I think it's that (often) people with this type of problem are more sensitive than the NORM.

            IF you weren't so injured by life... perhaps you wouldn't drink (or whatever). NOT to give permission, but just a thought.
            Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

            Comment

              #7
              Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

              WOW - Blue (we cross-posted!). GREAT metaphor.

              (Thanks for... missing me... but I've been on that carousel. Sheet.)

              I have been Ashamed to go on ODAT lately... Just who am I fooling? It used to be a very uplifting thing to post there. I hope I'll get back - SOON.
              Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

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                #8
                Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

                I am stuck in the same web. Same damn web.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

                  I have always thought of it as a black hole or tornado because the closer you get, it is more likely to suck you in. If you get sucked in, there is no way to tell where you will end up. Everything is turned upside down just like that. AL is a force of its own.
                  Liath

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

                    Liath - yes, a Black Hole is perfect. (I mean... not so perfect, if you know what I mean!)

                    A place where we are "sucked in".

                    I remember (vaguely... being AF for a month at a time... a week here & there...). It was good.

                    I just HAVE to (as I said someplace else)... believe/BELIEVE that Not drinking is just better.

                    I know it. You know it.

                    I will pray for aLL of you. Pls. pray for me.. as I am in process of getting... SUCKED.

                    (Sorry to be so dismal...)
                    Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Feel like I'm stuck inside a sticky web...

                      Hay Savey, I totally know were your coming from, I too was doing great, then lost my way. but I'm back, & I feel as long as I dont give up on the idea that I WILL eventually beat the beast back & I keep fighting, then I'm heading in the right direction. good luck sweetheart, keep talking to us,
                      *Witchy*
                      Progress, not perfection!!!
                      A craving wont kill me, but drinking could!!!

                      Comment

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