Mothers and Sons

[tiptronic_ct]

Hi, All

Let me start with the good news:

I managed to stick to 2 vodka + 2 red last night, but didn't make further progress on tapering. It's another stunning day in Cape Town, and I'm sitting at my desk, calm and sipping on a latte.

On to the not-so-good:

MD (Mommy Dearest) is visiting at the moment. I still jokingly referred to her as a trigger in the Army Thread yesterday. Boy, did I underestimate the size of that trigger. It's more like a hand grenade. Last night was HELL to get through. I upped the L-glut to a total of 18000mg for yesterday. Took a dose of 6000mg when I got home, but MD wanted to chat and be around me the whole time. I supplemented with another 2 x 3000mg doses throughout the evening, with no less than 5 cups of rooibos and lemon. Her world has become so small... She is a textbook example of a co-dependent person. She has stuck to DD (Afrikaans for Donnerse Doos, generously translated into English as F&*%ng B@stard of a father) for 45 years. She was being critical of my sisters-in-law, talking about poor DD's low energy levels - duh!!! If you start hitting the brandy at 9.00 in the morning, and polish more than 1l of the stuff, you ARE going to pass out by 8.00 in the evening, if not sooner. On to all her health problems - lungs, kidney function, osteo-arthritis, poor eyesight etc. etc. etc. ad nauseam.

I need to get my plan in place, so:

1. I'm reducing my morning dose of L-glut to 3000mg - my cravings are worst in the early evening, and increasing the evening intake to help manage MD's presence.
2. I need to remind myself that she hasn't seen me in almost a year - I need to be patient and allow her to get things off her chest before we can socialise more or less "normally" and talk about everyday stuff.
3. Be vigilant, vigilant and vigilant against the triggers
4. Remember that AL is not an answer to ANY problem (except that I was naughty last night. MD only drinks one glass of Sauv. Blanc at dinner. Last night I insisted she have another so that she could go to bed early - it worked!).
5. Talk to DW - she is the only one I've told about what really happened during my childhood vis-a-vis DD. If MD knows, she is keeping her mouth shut about it...
6. Speak up when I disagree with criticisms of other family members.
7. Remember that I'm NOT going to allow external forces to distract me from my goal to beat AL shitless.

Thanks for allowing my self-indulgence - just needed to get this off my chest, and get my head straight so that I can remain strong!!!

And don't get me wrong: I really love MD, but that doesn't mean it's all smooth sailing.

Best wishes for all!!!

Tip

[startingover]

Mothers and Sons

Excellent that you have a plan in place to deal with your feelings.
That is one of key things that we tend to forget, at least I do.
My mum can be a huge trigger for me, but funnily enough, since I've been sober, less so.
And always remember, this is just a temporary situation :-)
Stay strong buddy!!

[tiptronic_ct]

Mothers and Sons

Thanks, starts, opal, oney

I really appreciate your support!

I also gave "instructions" last night that the kids need to get out of the house today - the weather is fantastic, and that way they get rid of some of the excess energy which presents itself during holidays. There is a fantastic park directly opposite our house, with swings, slides, you name it. I was a bit snappy last night, but manged to remind myself that they're just children - I was the one having issues with MD.

Onward and upward!!!

[cacky]

Mothers and Sons

Tippers, gosh as a mother of a son..i really hope he doesnt feel that way about me. since he is only 10 i guess i should take it one day at a time.

how long is MD staying with you? is DD with her? yes you might be having the problem with MD but people dont often change unless they forced to..so you may want to watch your children.

i have gotten to the point with my dad (who i held a resentment against for 25 years and just recently let that go...he helped me through some really tough times recently) that i just tell him..im sorry that is not something i want to talk about. he is not very tolerant of people and likes to talk about that. he is 71 and i am finding that i am finally able to spend quality time with him.

Anyway good luck

[tiptronic_ct]

Mothers and Sons

Hi, Cacky

MD is staying for two weeks while the kids are on their winter break.

DD is most certainly not here with her - he is not welcome in my house. We haven't even spoken in months. He doesn't congratulate my kids on their birthdays, and not even the grandkids who live in the same city as them want to go there.

I feel sorry for MD - I supported her at the time she was considering leaving him, but she decided to stay put. My attitude is that it was her choice, and she has to live with it. But the situation has poisoned her - she wasn't always critical about people, but DD makes himself feel better by belittling others and their achievements.

Anyway - thanks for posting, especially the reference to my own kids. I am SO aware of the ways in which I want to be different from DD (one of the reasons I plucked up the courage to join MWO). At least I'm able to unconditionally tell them I love them every day, and support them as they grow up (they're 12 & 9, respectively).

[cacky]

Mothers and Sons

i have 10 year old boy/girl twins. im very close to both but when my drinking hit the worst spot i wondered if they wanted anything to do with me. its so difficult to know how to handle kids. anyway..good luck

[tiptronic_ct]

Mothers and Sons

Good morning, All

I am happy to report that last night went much better :-)

MD has settled in, and is adapting to the routine in our house. So overall, I'm annoyingly chirpy this morning, despite not tapering down any further - still on 2 x 2. I even calmly handled a flooded kitchen (bloody plumber!). I suspect the modified L-glut regimen is helping!

I'm in for a busy day, so I'll just pop on over to other threads to see what transpired overnight.

Wishing everyone a fantastic day, and a special thought to the Macks family for today!

Tip

[startingover]

Mothers and Sons

Good stuff Tippers!
But keep your happy clappy bouncy chirpiness to yourself OK? At least until I have mainlined some coffee thru :H

[tiptronic_ct]

Mothers and Sons

Thanks, Starts - that's why I inlcuded the "annoyingly" bit :-) It irritates a part of me, too... I'm often in a comfort zone when I'm a bit like Eeyore :-)

[Tulipe]

Mothers and Sons

Hi Tip,
Great idea to map your plan for dealing with your triggers! Glad MD is settling in - hope it gets calmer with each day. 2 weeks can pass quickly if everyone stays busy and you don't let her get to you.

[42cat]

Mothers and Sons

Hang in there, Tip! My mom, too, drives me nutso sometimes ... I can take her in small doses fairly easily, but larger doses are not as easy. She's the type to critisize everything about others, and outloud too, and has an opinion on everything - and it's always "the right" opinion in her mind, even if it's clearly wrong ... stubborn as a mule!

But I love her.

Nice plan, btw ... Keep it up!

[tiptronic_ct]

Mothers and Sons

Thanks, Cat, and for dropping by.

I gave her lots of little things today, so she'll feel valued, so I'm sure tonight will be fine. My niece is also there, plus a friend of ours, so it should all be OK. ANother trigger situation, though, as normally the wine flows freely... But I'm ready, even if my tapering stalls for a few days. Definitely not regressing, though!!!

[puddytat]

Mothers and Sons

Had a nice time with extended family Sunday mostly because my mom cancelled! woo hoo! She trash-talks everyone, always stirring the pot with mean-spirited gossip. I love her, but don't necessarily always like her - if that makes sense.

(not the same as your mom, Tip -- maybe more like your DD. more like Cat's mom, by the sounds of it) Hope you can bask in the warmth of family these two weeks, Tip, and keep the bad stuff at bay.

Tulipe - good luck visiting your parents in the U.S. oh joy :eeks:

[DeeBee]

Mothers and Sons

Tip, I am so sorry to hear that you have a DD as a father. I hate brandy with a passion -- it should be banned in our country.
It sounds like you and DM are slowly starting to bond again, you are a wonderful son to allow her in like that.

[tiptronic_ct]

Mothers and Sons

Hi, Deebs, Puddy, Cat, Tulipe

Thanks again for posting. Last night went well - the house was festive with my niece arriving for her annual visit (she is my eldest brother's - the one who died in the bike accident - daughter and our goddaughter). They all had a turn at that new Wii Karaoke-like accessory. My mom seemed to enjoy it... Drove me nuts, trying to get dinner ready through the racket.

Deebs: I cannot agree with you more. Brandy is the worst. DD is actually a very sad case. He has NO close relationships with anyone, including his two brothers. He sometimes goes a week without showering or shaving - a complete mess. I really don't know how MD takes it - she is a very meticulous person (brushes teeth after EVERY meal and snack, takes a bath twice daily etc.). But as I mentioned, she is co-dependent and has to live with that choice.

Anyway - enough rambling - I want to go catch up on all the other threads too :-)

Will post my plan for the weekend on the "Message to AL" thread - need to stay strong!