Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

F$$$$$$

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
    #1

    F$$$$$$

    i screwed up. 23 days AF and I had wine tonight.

    We went for a beautiful dinner, I ordered a diet coke.........and then he gave me a ring. Not an engagment ring but for him it is the same thing - a beautiful, gorgeous ring with 5 diamonds - it's called a journey ring - each diamond gets bigger as we go through our journey together.

    It was a wonderful night, we had a wonderful dinner, I got the tatoo of my daughters name in chinese on my arm which I have wanted to do for 2 years, we made love - had a wonderful night.

    and I feel guilty as hell. We talked about alcohol and he is so with me on my journey to mod. and he is so - " you went a month wihthout al, I understand and I want you to be able to have a glass of wine if you want". And truly, I really do think he does understand. he doesn't like the AA philosophy of it is one way or the other, which truthfully neighteer do I........frick, I don't know. I want to mod and I did tonight successfully so why am I so worried?
    Every day is a day to start over and remember that I am powerless over my addiction. I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
    :h
    Tags: None
    #2
    F$$$$$$

    It may be a sign of your body wanting to go all the way in quiting AL for good. It could also be that its been so long since you had it, that you felt that you fail. But if your wanting to MOD then you didn't fail.
    I quit drinking on March 8, 2020. Taking it One Day At A Time and no more taking my quit for granted.

    Also doing it for me. I got to stay sober for me.

    Just consecrate on today and do what you can to remain sober for today and worry about staying sober tomorrow, tomorrow.

    Comment

      #3
      F$$$$$$

      Uni..... :l :l :l

      and congrats on the parts of the evening you do feel great about, like the strength of your relationship, your wonderful ring, etc.

      As for the worry, I suggest you spend some really good alone time thinking through why you feel the way you do about your choice. Nobody but you can judge your choices. It doesn't sound like you went overboard by any means, but then there are those of us who find that we cannot mod either, but I know that you have said that modding is probably more where you are wanting to go.

      I think a big thing for the modders on here though too is planning, and this doesn't sound like you planned it, it was more spur of the moment, which may be why it knocked you on your arse a bit in the emotions department.

      Best of luck to you!

      Comment

        #4
        F$$$$$$

        Hi Universal!

        I want to say congratulations on what sounds like a fabulous evening.

        I think AL wise a lot depends on what happens now, how you are feeling about AL, whether you are craving, if you can limit the amount you have if you do partake etc.

        Don't let AL dominate what was otherwise a really great experience, just move forward, be positive and use all the tools and techniques you've learned here.

        Bets
        xx
        Proud to be SLIGHTLY SLOVENLY.:wavin:


        [/COLOR]

        Comment

          #5
          F$$$$$$

          Uni, your evening sounded so beautiful - congrats on the ring.
          I love the idea of a journey ring, for me that would have more meaning than just an engagement ring.
          I think Scrubbly raised an interesting point.... maybe you are not happy with yourself about drinking because you didn't "plan" it? I know if I drink and it wasn't planned it unsettles me... but it's good to be aware of how and what we are feeling in order to avoid making the same mistake again.

          Enjoy the moment.
          "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

          Comment

            #6
            F$$$$$$

            Well total congratulations on the ring, the tattoo and the lovely evening. Such a lovely romantic thing for him to do.

            I really do get why you are unsettled by the drinking but I'm not sure I can explain it. Something to do with keeping in control (which you were doing by not drinking) and it feeling good to increase the number of days without Al feeling and planning your not drinking and then it creeping up on you like that. Bit like the others have said, the not being planned bit is probably the most unsettling. It's not black and white. Things are so much easier when they are like that. Not drinking at all is black and white. Modding is a greyer shade and maybe you're not at all sure what shade of grey you can manage.

            Anyway, again like the others have said, give it a good coat of thinking and see how you feel. It's not a slip. It's modding before you have worked out how you want to do it.

            :l:l Bessie xx

            Comment

              #7
              F$$$$$$

              Uni, I dont think you "screwed" up, but you are the ultimate judge of that. Uni, this is why I do not count days, but I do understand why others do. Sometimes you get so hung up on the numbers or the zeros, or the smiley faces, that when you change it, like having a glass of wine (in control) makes it not a 24 day AF.

              It sounds to me like you have made amazing, fantastic progress, and you did what you said you wanted to do from the beginning, which is Mod. You stayed in control, you didnt get shitfaced drunk, and you were celebrating. Congratulations on the beautiful ring and the new tats. I can only dream of a man to give me diamonds, (been single for ever!)

              This ultimately is YOUR journey, as long as you are content with your journey, then you will be ok. (hope I made sense)

              Love,

              Overit
              I LOVE MY SEROTONIN AND BOOZE SCREWS IT UP!!!!!

              Comment

                #8
                F$$$$$$

                Well said, OverIt! Ditto!

                Your evening sounded lovely, Universal ... and congrats on the ring ... sounds like you have a wonderful relationship there!
                AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.

                Comment

                  #9
                  F$$$$$$

                  Thanks guys for your understanding and support. I think like many of you have mentioned is that yeah, I feel upset because I was counting days and was so close to 30 and hadn't planned it. But on the same token it was a wonderful romantic evening and although I was a little tipsy, I wasn't shit faced loaded like I had been doing a month ago. I knew everything, remembered everything, had a wonderful romantic evening and the cool thing is, today had no desire to drink at all - another 0 in the drink tracker.

                  My BF laughed when I went on line this morning - he says " Tell them all you drank wine and got a tatoo!" and laughed - he was not being evil at all - he likes our little support group and encourages me to come on here if I'm having a bad day - I'm thinking this ones a keeper!

                  Thanks again guys for making me feel better. I think moving forward that If I am going to be in a situation where I know I may want a glass of wine with dinner that I will plan for it - take the L-Glut before hand so I don't over do it and just generally make sure I have a plan. But this week will be a sober one!
                  Every day is a day to start over and remember that I am powerless over my addiction. I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
                  :h

                  Comment

                    #10
                    F$$$$$$

                    Universal
                    Wow it sounds like you have a wonderful and supportive BF, people like that (in my view) are very far & few between so hang on to him girl.
                    And good luck and best wishes to the both of you
                    You sound very happy and try and keep it that way
                    And well done on your modding, its so nice to hear a lovely story
                    Thank you for sharing that
                    Love ronnie xx
                    :dancin: enguin:
                    starting over

                    Comment

                      #11
                      F$$$$$$

                      Hi Uni .. just wanted to say hi ... congrats on your lovely evening !!!.... I think it's good that you feel some concern .. perhaps because it wasn't planned .. but it sounds like you are doing great!
                      :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        F$$$$$$

                        Hi un,
                        First of all congratulations on being strong that night you was in control well done !On the worried part i dont know maybe at the back of your mind you think will i go back to my old ways, but it good that you were worried it shows you are concern like deterhead as said. Sound like you have great support from you b/f yes this little group does help with the bad days and to load of our problems as well.
                        It sound like your on top of it well done ! x
                        Formerly known as Teardrop:l
                        sober dry since 11th Jan '2010' relapse/slip on 23/7/13 working in progress ! Sober date 25/7/13 ( True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. (AA)
                        my desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful then my desire to drink !

                        Comment

                        Previous template Next
                        Working...
                        X