When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

[The time is now]

Hi

I have now done 23 days out of my 50 day off the booze period , i choose to do this as my relationship was going pear shapped fast , my company was failing and i was struggling with huge stress etc.

I have found the time without drinking no problem is just stopped and havent missed it, the company is improving as is the stress levels.

But the one thing that has got worse is my relationship , we argue more now , disgree more and its just getting worse, maybe the drinking was hiding my unhappyness, maybe we shouldnt be together /? i thought being of the juice would improve it not make it worse ? maybe its worse cause now i can see clearly ! i guess to throw a (nice) spanner in the works we have 2 young kids .... anyone else ended or found there relationship has changed for the worse after stopping the booze?

[cacky]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

The time..congrats on the 23 days. It is very possible that your relationship has problems but it also could be that you arent used to facing things sober. before i would give up on a relationship (especially with 2 kids) i would get counseling. dont forget that you have been hiding your emotions with booze for a long time. its not just going to feel better right away.

Anyway. hang in there..it does get a little tough but try and handle it sober.

[Cinders]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

The Time is Now,

You probably don't want to hear about something from AA but I am going to share it anyway because there is an awful lot of experience and wisdom there.

The recommendation is that you do not break up or get into a new relationship for a year after sobering up.

In your case, modding up, but that is sobering up.

That is because stopping our behavior creates emotional upheavals and we do end up with our emotions all over the place. We can and will make bad decisions because of this.

Now, if you are in an abusive relationship, of course that is differnt.

I know that when I am sober, I do spat with my husband more often. Not because he has changed but because I am no longer using alcohol to bypass dealing with that.

He actually prefers me sober and feisty than drunk and "whatever." Thank God.

Hope this helps,
Cindi

[lukalee]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

I agree with Cacky. I'm not in a relationship, but I see that my kids temporarily irritate me a lot more when I am not drinking. Like Cacky said, we hide or ignore our emotions when we drink. I tend to get a "whatever" attitude. When off the drink, I tend to be very anile and the smallest things seem to be issues. Give it some time and see what happens. And take deep breaths.

[The time is now]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

i guess i dont wanna rush into a choice then regret it but some times we dont even speak ! we have 2 babys so thats fun but draining , so you think things may get better ?> i have been going to the gym which helps to keep those wild moods and thoughst at bay !

[The time is now]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

i also gave up teh juice for a while as i have cronic knee pain i thought it was gout but no , the pain has got owrse with no booze i thought the body would heel !!!! i feel robbed

[cacky]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

The time, you know i did forget about the suggestion from AA not to start or stop a relationship within the 1st year. Sometimes not talking to each other is ok. Not sure how rocky your relationship has been in the past but if you drink anything like i did...it has to be pretty rocky. It is really uncomfortable for the spouses when we stop drinking because we change the dynamics of the relationship. When we change they have to change as well.

That being said...your responsibility is to make yourself better. So try not to think if your relationship is good or bad. Just focus on what it takes for you to be whole again. hopefully once you're clearheaded the relationship will be more clear.

[The time is now]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

its a hard one . when i finished my last relationship i said to myself i wouldnt repeat the same mistakes again . one for example i lived with my ex in her house and it didnt feel right, then what happens in my new relationship i moved into my now wifes house in a area i dont like living in etc something i said i would nt do again , now she doesnt wanna move and it seems she is moving the goal post we argue about it all teh time , if i didnt have babys i would have just said F%^k it im off

[42cat]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

Today is my anniversary ... 23 years. We met in high school - went to the prom together. Got married in our 20's. (I'm 44 now.) Two kids, girls, 16 and 20. We always had "drinkies" on the weekend. However, "my" problem began about 10-15 years back (estimate) ... and has been pretty deep the last couple of years (morning to night drinks in secret, etc.).

I've been sober for a month. I've been assessing my relationship. Certain things are annoying me more than before. I'm also noticing that he isn't really "close" in the way he/we used to be. And therein lies the deeper thoughts .. blame? ... Me? ... or? ....

... But as others have said .... give it time .... which is what I'm doing. I'm newly sober (and privately so - I detoxed on my own and, just as I'd hid the extent of my over-drinking, I'm trying to morph into t he life I want, or was trying to have ... jeez, that sounds so twisted, doesn't it).

Give it some time. In my mind, my relationship evolved as it did in part because of my lack of "being there" (sobriety-wise) .... so it will need time to evolve back out.

((hugs)) .... Best wishes.

[The time is now]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

hi cat why do you detox in secret ?

Do you think your rleationship will survive ? and do you think u will go back on teh booze after a break , i think i will gently .

[ronnie]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

Hi Time,
My relationship with my hubby is not good, but like the others have said I am also giving it time.
I dont know how much time I can give him as like you we can go days without really saying anything to each other, we also have 3 young boys and they are also suffering because of my hubby, as he is very distant towards all of us, anyone would think that it is him that has given up the AL but no its me.
I think, we have to try and make it work especially with kids involved, I understand what you mean about if the kids were'nt there then you would clear off.
But I also think that our spouses find it really hard to understand what we are going through, I get no support from mine what so ever
But at the end of the day at least we can turn round and say that we have done our best at changing and trying to make our marriage work if they are not prepared to do the same then well be it. But we have done our best

[The time is now]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

i will do my best to keep nice and calm work on my fitness and avoid arguments as i have a very low tolerance level ! then hopefully things will improve

[jessie]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

You have really opened my eyes to another side of this struggle. I sometimes feel so alone and would give anything for a stable relationship. I thought being alone is part of why I drown myself in alcohol. Now I realize that being in a relationship brings it's own problems. My thoughts are with all of you in problematic relationships.

[42cat]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

Time is now, you asked why I detoxed in secret .... I don't have a really good answer to that question. But my honest answer is that I was afraid. Most of my drinking was done alone and in secret. All my family knew was that I liked a "drink or two in the evening" .... (They didn't have a clue about the rest of the fifth of rum/vodka that I consumed during the day, starting at breakfast, before work.)

I just wanted that part of my life behind me, and to start on a new happier phase. I hate booze and didn't want to share the extent of my problem with anyone. I just wanted it gone. I was, however, prepared to tell my husband if I had any problematic withdrawals .. but I got through it on my own pretty OK ... not comfortable, but not deadly thank goodness.

Re. my relationship ... Yes I think it will survive. I know that I will have to do some "mending" .. little by little (don't want to jump into it right away .. but will slowly get it back .. I have a plan)

[LilBit]

When you stop drinking does your relationship get worse?

Hi Time, good questions. (BTW Cat, I detoxed in secret, too. It seemed to give the effort more power.)

I'm sure there are some exceptions to the "wait one year" rule before ending a relationship. I'm beginning to believe that I'm looking at one -- he has his feet propped on my coffee table right now! Sometimes I think that if I have to wait another 10 months, I will be writing to you all from behind bars after committing a homicide. My BF has either changed in the last year, or I've simply gotten to know a previously hidden side of him. He lost three jobs and has been out of work for 6 months. He now spends all his time playing video games and looking up amateur soccer (a.k.a. football) teams that he can join. He blames everyone in the world for his problems, and at 35 years old, he's old enough to know better. He constantly tries to get me to drink, even though I made it quite clear that I'm happy being AF. Here's the kicker though -- he uses his mom's car and laptop everyday because he *lost* his own. And she paid over $3K in parking tickets for him (on her car) in the last year. I don't mind paying all the bills because I would have to pay the condo payment, electricity, etc. anyway, but I DO mind buying his food, covering his gym membership, paying every time we go out, etc. and listening to him complain about the "people on welfare." And I mind that, because I work at home, he's here with me all day every day in a 1-bedroom condo and driving me INSANE!!!

OMG, that turned into a rant. I'm so sorry. No wonder I snarfed down a bottle of merlot every night until 60 days ago. Any thoughts, anyone? I'm thinking a shove off the ol' balcony (kidding, of course).