First Timer-telling my story

[iia67]

I have never been much into self-help, sharing feelings, group discussion type stuff before...but then again I am turning into a total alcoholic so what do I know. I though that maybe just sharing something might help. I began drinking very early...I think I was about 8 or 9 the first time I got drunk...it was JB Scotch mixed with Pepsi....and to this day if I smell JB my stomach turns. Anyway I drank extremely heavy in high school and college, then marriage and kids came along and slowed down a bit, but I would still binge on the weekends. My first marriage ended after 6 years and two kids...I went on a total tear after my divorce. I was very VERY happy that the marriage was over and partied my ass off for about 12 months. It got old and I found some peace with myself....still drinking, bit not near as much. (I can easly drink a 5th of boose and sip on a 12 pack of beers on a Saturday) I then met my current wife. I really thought she rocked, but it was a long distance relationship and a whirlwind courtship of 5 months. After about 3 months of our marriage, I realized she is not the person she led me to believe she was and I began drinking very heavy again. Its been 7 years now with another two kids (for a total of 4) and drinking is become a constant crutch. My tolerance is HUGE ! I am not sleeping well at all. I am lucky to get 4 hours a day. I recently turned 39 and still somehow manage to run and work out somewhat regularly. I admitted to my wife this past Saturday that I am burning out. I am the sole bread winner, I do all the cooking, cleaning the house, yardwork, and grocery shopping. She does laundry(at least her own and the kids...I usually have to do my own), but that's about it. I guess I am done bitching now...I am just totally exhausted and tired of drinking. I drink to honestly numb myself so I can keep going. How can I start

Brian

[watersprite]

First Timer-telling my story

Great first step

Hi Brian,

I appreciate the honesty of your post and feel lots of empathy for what you are going through.

I am also new here, just joined this board on Saturday, the day after I read My Way Out. That kick started everything for me.
I too was totally burned out, and I too also exercise a lot, but it was getting to the point that I was barely getting by, all because I was systematically poisoning myself, while taking good care of myself in other ways. So very nuts.

I went to the health food store on Friday, and bought all of the started taking L-Glutamine, GABA, Kudzu for cravings. This stuff works for me. Also all of the B vitamins, and everything else.

Cut way down to two drinks Friday, Saturday and Sunday and although not totally abstinent yet,
Two days later I feel 16 years old by comparison.

That's how I started. Reading everyone's posts on this website is so comforting and motivational. Perhaps reading up will help you too.

Take Care
Watersprite

[iia67]

First Timer-telling my story

Thanks Watersprite !!

Have you read this book everyone talks about ? Do you listen to the CD's ? Are there any weird side effects from taking all the supps ? It seems like an awful lot. Labor Day weekend is fast approaching. Its historically a big weekend drinking spree for me...not sure how I will handle it. One good thing is that we are baptising our 6 week old daughter Sunday so the inlaws will be at our house and they don't drink at all.

Thanks for responding...feeling a little alone

[cv1]

First Timer-telling my story

Hi there. If you go to the General Discussion Forum into "Bravely Baring my Blog" there is a hyperlink to download the book from a different site there for a limited time only. The pdf should be about 87 pages. Hope this helps!

[Angel3786]

First Timer-telling my story

Brian, thanks for sharing your story. I hope you will find the support and encouragement you need here! I was wondering why you have to do so much around the house if your wife doesn't work? Don't take this wrong, but she has a sweet deal if you have to bring home the bacon and fry it in a pan! No wonder your burned out. I'm also surprized that with all the drinking you have the energy to do everything. When you say your drink to "numb" yourself so you can keep going, I can't relate. I drink largely due to boredom in the evening, but could never drink during the day or I'd never get anything done. I guess everyone's different. Anyway, it sounds like you have some underlying issues in your marriage that are frustrating you. Have you discussed equality in "keeping up the house" with your wife? I work, have two teenage boys and do most laundry, all grocery shopping, house cleaning, cooking, dishes, etc. My husband is the main breadwinner and does all yard work, helps with laundry and vaccuums. It's so important to have equality because there is sooo much work to keep up a household.

I don't know what to tell you about cutting back except that maybe if you can get rid of some underlying issues it might be easier. Definitely start taking vitamins, and I would take Milk Thistle (herb) if I were you to help your liver function. Then also, maybe the topamax is something you can try? Good luck and keep in touch!
Janet

[AMELIA]

First Timer-telling my story

Hi Brian,

Looks like you have started which is great. You have found this site and have been brave and honest enough to post. I feel tired just reading all the stuff you have been doing to keep you and your family going! Is there any way you and your wife can come to some sort of compromise about household chores so that you don't have so much pressure on you?
I'm only on my second day of the programme for the second time(was on it for a couple of weeks a while back - it worked a treat but I just stopped taking the tabs) and the sups and topamax seem to do it for me. Don't get me wrong - hav'nt been off it for months and months, but this time I would like to be abstinent for a month and take from there. Taking the sups and topamax stop me from feeling like I am going mad...
The book is a great place to start and very inspirational and gives a thorough outline of whats involved. Best of luck Brian, I hope things start to calm down a little for you.
Joanne Amelia

[goingsobermum]

First Timer-telling my story

Hi Brian,
Well done for making it this far and also well done for helping your wife so much. Having a small baby must be very tiring for both of you. Its great you are helping so much but don't forget that you have the right to be yourself too and have plenty of support if you are coming of the booze. All the best.

[cpn1004]

First Timer-telling my story

Brian,
You just started. Posting all that is a major beginning, good on you.
Keep on the journey with us.
Phil

[arcadiabreeze]

First Timer-telling my story

:welcome: Hi there and welcome onboard - I, like the others, think your wife should consider what it is she is bringing into the relationship. No doubt she will be caught up looking after a 6 week old infant at present but if this is her norm some serious talking needs to take place or you will burnout big time. I wish you all the luck in the world making the changes you want to in your life - your 4 kids need you to make this work - and so do you - 39 is by no way old.....maybe your new life will begin at 40!!!
Enjoy your family celebrations and have a wonderful weekend