It's finally time to tell my story

[Patti]

:new:
Hi everyone,
I've been reading the posting and replying to some for the past couple weeks and I think it is time to tell my story. I'm 45 and been drinking since I was 21. My father is a recovering alcoholic for 25+ years. I grew up seeing him drunk more then sober. My mother has always been a moderate drinker, I have seen her really drunk once in my life on her birthday and it shock me. I've had a good life and I'm lucky to have a wonderful husband. We've been together for 21 years, no children. We used to party a lot when we first meet but he stopped drinking about 10 years ago and we stop going to bars about 5 years ago because he doesn?t like to see people drunk. This was a bummer for me because I am a very social person and had a lot of friends at the bar. About 2 years ago he got a good job working nights and that?s when I started drinking more heavily. I get lonely and bored being by myself every night and drinking made me feel better. At first it was 1 or 2 drinks, 2 or 3 times a week, usually when I had a bad day at work. Now I am up to a 6 pack of beer or a bottle of wine every night of the week and a couple of 12 packs on the weekends. I have been missing a lot of work because of the terrible hangovers and just hanging around house feeling sorry for my self and guilty at the same time. House work is not getting done, I haven?t done any sewing which is my passion. I just feel like a big lump. What is hard for me is the drive home, I want to take the exit that takes me to the liquor store. The other thing is, and this is probably the worst, and has me feeling really guilty is that for the last 6 months I have been hiding my empties so my husband won't see how much I am drinking during the week, but he does see how much I drink on the weekends, but has never said anything. This past Saturday morning I finally got the nerve to tell him about my drinking and how guilty I've been feeling for hiding this from him. He was wonderful about it. But what surprised me was he knew how much I have been drinking (I didn't do a very good job hiding my empties very well). I think he was relieved when I told him because I don't think he knew what to do or how to tell me how he felt. I told him about this program and the wonderful web site that has so many stories that I can relate to and he is behind me 100%. We talk all day about it and it was wonderful. We haven?t talk like for years.
So now I?m ready, I have order the sups and CDs. My doctor won?t get me the topa because glaucoma runs in my family and I agree with him. I am just waiting to start my new life.
Thanks for reading my story

[determined]

It's finally time to tell my story

good luck patti you're on the right track!

sounds like you've got great support and i wish you well.

d

[Patti]

It's finally time to tell my story

Thanks so much D! I hope I don't get derailed! HA HA

[pokey]

It's finally time to tell my story

Patti, I could have written most of your story -- namely, the hiding empties and the drive home from work being the worst.

I had nothing to drink yesterday and felt good this morning, so on the way home I stayed in the FAR left lane, FAR AWAY from the exit ramps, and went straight home. I had nothing today either and have so much energy, feel SO good, that I can't believe it. I won't get overconfident because I know there's always the chance of slipping; but I'm sure going to try my best to keep it up. Seems like every day will get better.

You can do it! I can tell by your words that you're so ready.

[Patti]

It's finally time to tell my story

Hi Kathy,
what a good idea about the drive home! Good for you not giving in today I know it is hard after a hard days work. I also had nothing today and only one beer yesterday with BBQ dinner. I went mon-thru last week with nothing to drink and boy was it hard to keep myself busy, and only 3 beers on friday night which is new for me. All we can do is our best and do it one day at a time.

[Angel3786]

It's finally time to tell my story

Patti: thanks for sharing your story. I too drink about a bottle of wine every night. Seldom more, sometimes less. My husband used to nag me about it and belittle me about it (he's not the supportive man your husband seems to be), so I have gotten very into the "hiding" thing. We've had moments where he'd find 4 empty bottles in my closet behind my shoes, or an empty bottle under the guest bed, etc. I'm sure you know all the tricks. Long story short he has always looked at me as a "loser" because I drink so much wine, I look in his eyes and I can see he thinks I'm pathetic. We obviously don't have a good relationship and that has a lot to do with why I drink. We've been married for 17 years and it's been a long bout of emotional abuse. The good side is that we have two great sons ages 13 and 15. He's a great father, just a terrible husband. ANYWAY, my reason for talking about this is so you know how lucky you are to have a supportive and non-judgemental husband!! That is going to go a long ways in helping you if you let it. Secondly, you have a hobbie (sewing!!). Take it up again! Find something really cool that you want to make and just do it. I so wish I had a hobbie, but I'm the most untalented person in the world. If I could go home and sew instead of watching TV and drinking, I would! Being able to create like that would feel so good. As the NIKE commercials used to say, JUST DO IT. Start that new life now! Don't worry about the topa, try the vitamins and l-glutamin which also are suppose to help with cravings. You've got so much to work with (your husband supporting you, your hobbie). Use them to get better. Keep in touch!
Janet

[Beaches]

It's finally time to tell my story

Thank you for that story especially the part about telling your husband. I just told my story on the other board so I won't bore everyone again. I am scared to talk about it because no one talks about alcohol comsumption. My father drank , just recently quit, my mother drinks I drink and we consider ourselves and upstanding bunch of folk. I really believe my husband doesn't realize but maybe he does. I hide the empties and dump them in a dumpster. I used to drink beer, then wine and now I have found flavoured licquor. Coconut Rum, Raspberry Vodka etc.
I am thankful to be here and hope for my sake I can change.

[Patti]

It's finally time to tell my story

Hi janet and powerless,
thanks so much for the surport! Janet, I hope you get up the nerve like I did and have a long talk with your husband, I was soooo surprised by his reaction. Maybe he just doesn't know how to deal with it. I have'nt told my mother yet about my problem because of the way she treated my dad with his drinking. I don't know how she will react. I guess that will be one more step.
Powerless, it sounds like you had better hiding places then I did. Maybe you could be the first one in your family to talk about the alcohol comsumption. I glad to hear that your father has recently quit maybe you could talk to him. You might be surprised! But in the end I am greatful to be here and to have all this surport. I hope we can all change for the better!
Take care and kept in touch