OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

[savon19]

(Guess I don't like Either one!!)

But I'm finding (esp. the last month or so) that the more I think I don't want to drink, the more I want to drink!!??

It may be similar to that old thing where people are told not to think of a pink elephant - and then that's all they can think of!

It's sort of a Rebellious thing, too (thus the character flaw aspect...). Even though I know it would be Good for me to stop drinking, the minute I say to myself, "NO" - this other voice comes on board saying "WHY NOT??" Etc. etc. etc.

It seems what I have to do is just not think about drinking OR not drinking!! Arrrrggghhh.

Seems to be a catch-22. I have stopped in the not so distant past for a month, so I know it's "doable" - but how have I gotten myself into this nasty situation? I really don't know how I did it before...

And along these lines, the more I disappoint myself, the more I disappoint myself?

Does anyone relate to any of this? If so - was there anything you did to jettison yourself out of this vicious circle?

This is Madness.

[Lavande]

OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

Hi Savvy,

The thing that finally jettisoned me out of my junkie thinking was the threat (real) of never being able to see my new grandson! My God, it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! I suppose that was exactly what I needed. You can talk to yourself until you are 'blue in the face' but it takes something real before you finally just 'get it'.

I guess each & every one of us needs that real threat, that real moment when it all finally just sinks in...

Wishing you your moment.........

[paula]

OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

Hi Savvy, been there so many times. I too have been threatened with not seeing my grandchildren, and losing my job, I love both, so the booze has to go. I still get the craving at certain times, but now I feel pleased with myself when I resist. It is human nature to want what we sometimes can't have. It is a much better feeling to not give in.
Wishing you well.

[savon19]

OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

Certainly, Lavande & Paula - if I had grandchildren I wouldn't be able to see if drinking... well, that would be a pretty good motivation.

BUT, I don't have grandchildren (no children, either)... I really don't want to get to a point where it becomes Desperate...

I'm good about not drinking & driving... and seem to have found the Secret to not having hangover (start Early - but, you can only do that if you're not working...).

I WANT to make the choice - be in a position where I Have a choice... I know that I'm really pushing it.

Ahh well. Maybe praying is in order!

[42cat]

OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

I totally relate. I have definitely wondered if it is a character flaw. I am the type who has always gotten a little high from being sneaky or a little bad, as long as it didn't hurt anyone. It started in teenagehood (I'm 44 now). So, when I find myself alone or know my husband will be away, that "teenager" comes out and says, "OK, we're all alone here .. we can have one right out in the open, right now, and no one will know! .. muuahahahahaaa!" ...

... And I know that inner voice well, too - the one who says, "Why not?" ... I've even argued with myself, saying "You're an adult .. If you want to have one, have one for goodness sake. You're allowed."

It's tough for the realistic part of our thoughts to win out with all of THAT going on in our heads, isn't it. For me, right now, I have been trying to change my thinking and trying change my routine. It's been going pretty well .. except for a little backslide this time last week.

As for "thinking" ... When I catch myself thinking about drinking (or not drinking), I consciously "force" myself to think of something else - anything .. a project, a math equation, something I saw that day, something that I have to do, something my kids talked about, etc.

I constantly thought about drinking before I quit - morning, noon and night. Every single thing revolved around ALcohol ... drinking it, hiding it, getting it, having money for it, how it feels, tastes, etc. It's hard to just let it go and find new things to fill that head-space with.

As for "routine" ... Even little changes give me a different feeling - like I'm doing something about this .. like I'm moving forward. A walk after supper every day .. going to the grocery store at a different time .. making a different type of tea .. finding a project to work on .. trying a new meal recipe and spending time on it ... anything little to start with, just to get away from the "regular routine" - because that regular routine always involved alcohol in the past and it still easily makes me think of having a drink these days unless I change it up, even just a little. (I'm fairly new being sober.)

And then there's the "If I can't have it, I want it even MORE" feeling ... that's a toughie. For that one, I have to remind myself that, well, yes I CAN, in fact, have it. But I'm going to choose not to. I'm making it my choice ... because it is.

A lot of times these strategies have been working well for me .. maybe they'll work for you too? ... But sometimes it's just willpower .. We can head-game ourselves around it, and that works in many ways .. but sometimes it's just willpower.

................ (Why are my replies always so long-winded? LOL)

[savon19]

OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

(NOT long-winded, Cat - VERY good post!!)

Oh yes, you pointed out that other factor that I have: "The Sneaky Teenager" thing!! It makes me wonder if I stopped emotionally developing or something during that time (which is when I started drinking)... Hmmmm.

I like your strategies. I think especially I just have to start doing something (ANYTHING!) different. Because whatever I'm doing now isn't working!

I really appreciate your response.

Have to Grow Up!! (eeek!!)

Congrats on being sober, though. I'll get there again. I must (there's that Willpower thing!)...

[The New Me]

OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

(Why are my replies always so long-winded? LOL)

We would not have you any other way

[Marshy]

OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

Hi Savon,

42cat summed it up - *change* is essential. Changing our thoughts and our actions.

I think it's very easy to get hung up on analysing this "problem" too much. Is it addiction/character flaw/ disease/whatever. I certainly wanted to know "why?" when I first started trying to get sober. But it's possible to analyse it to death and still carry on drinking and getting nowhere. Action and change is essential.

As 42cat says, we have to get out of our regular routine because that includes alcohol. That can be inconvenient - I had to take a different, longer, route home to avoid my regular booze shops, and some days didn't trust myself with taking any cash to work with me and then realised I had no money for lunch. Duh! But that was necessary for me.

So what worked for YOU before?

[savon19]

OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

(OMG - Just lost my reply!)

Marshy - I think you're right about "over-analyzing" --- something I tend to do, in general. It gets to a point where it's really non-productive. Or, maybe it's just another "avoidance behavior"?!

First 30 days I did was last year after a tragic loss. I stayed drunk for a week, then woke up one day... and didn't drink. Looking back, it seems it wasn't even a conscious decision. Just didn't want to drink anymore?

The second time was, I think, more to show myself I could do it. And when I did, I went back to drinking!! Well, I had a few shorter periods... a week here & there, 4 days...

You're also right that it's Simply (?) about *change*. Changing (even if for the better) takes us out of our comfort zones. Maybe I should think of it as an adventure... I've always loved travelling to new places - and part of that may involve an uncomfortable, long plane ride... But at the end, you get to see something new & wonderful!

(OK - trying to see the Bright side! )

[Marshy]

OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

savon19;665371 wrote: I've always loved travelling to new places - and part of that may involve an uncomfortable, long plane ride... But at the end, you get to see something new & wonderful!

I like that!

[42cat]

OK - is this a character flaw... or just addiction?

savon19;665371 wrote: Maybe I should think of it as an adventure...

Savon, I love that idea .. Think of it as an adventure! ... I'm going to use that train of thought too