Hi,
I was so happy to find this site and great community after reading MWO last week. I ordered the book from Amazon on night while during one of my many frequent insomnia episodes after (once again!) drinking too much wine. So many nights I've surfed the web looking for solutions to my problem...and I am sure I have a problem. And I need - and want!! - help and support but I really didn't know where to go - other than AA which is not right fit for me.
But there is part of me that thinks I will end up there someday if my drinking progresses - but I don't want to have to hit rock bottom and continue to struggle with alchohol and the harmful and embrarassing effects!! Can't I get off this crazy ride before it crashes??
I really related with the "high-funtioning" women and mothers in the book. The way they thought (and obsessed!) about and used alcohol while living normal and productive lives.
I was intrigued with the nutritional recommendations and went out an purchased nearly $200 worth of products at a health store today (shoulda bought online from this site...would have been less $$) but I wanted them in hand (and in my body!) today. The physical cravings are undeniable and am hoping to find relief so that I can have a chance at stopping at one or two drinks (moderation is my goal but I am willing to quit and think I may have to).
Alcoholism and depression runs rampent in my family and I know that I am suseptible - and always have had a compulsive person prone to additive behavior.
Still, friends would be shocked to know I am looking to control and possible quit drinking. They all joke that I am a "lightweight" and it is no suprise that I get sloppy or down-right drunk at every dinner party or BBQ. I drink fast - wine like it is water and often hide the amount from my husband and friends. At 5pm when I make dinner I start with a glass (I loved the reference in the book as the first drink being the one she loves and hates - cause I know where it is leading me) that leads quickly to two before I feed my two little kids and give them a bath! I am not drunk but feeling good. This is so wrong and I need to stop. I do for 2, 3 sometimes 4 days before I am popping the cork and doing again what I VOWED never to do again. Oh, mommy needs to relax and deserves a little drink. Then after the kids are asleep and I finisih nealy a bottle of wine by the end of the night - I pass out around 9:30pm watching TV with my husband (who rarely drinks more than 1 or two glasses) and wake up at mid-night sometimes unable to go back to sleep at all! The next day is torture - exhausted, hungover, shame. I am afraid to go to social events b/c I can't always control how much I drink and I don't want to make an ass of my self (again!)...the self loathing is a killer!! My husband doesn't think I have a problem and is always making excuses for me to feel better - oh, you hardly ate anything or you weren't really that drunk were you? He is a real sweeting but I almost wish he were harder on me - but who knows how I would react to that!
So WHY to I chose to drink? It is clear it takes MUCH more away than it gives to me. I just can't stop the desire and can't imagine life without it. But I want a life without it b/c I know I will be happier!! Be a MUCH better mother and wife!! I have everything I could want and no excuses. But alcohol toments me with this horrible love/hate abusive relationship. I wouldn't put up with it from a friend or my husband? Why to I keep it - and invite it in - to my life?
I hope the supplements give me some real help. I am also interested in the mediation CDs but am afraid of the Topamax. Ha, a friend just called and talked about smuggling booze into a kids concert tomorrow night - geeze, it is going to be hard but I am so ready for a change.
Thanks for listening. This writing is actually very theraputic!
I was so happy to find this site and great community after reading MWO last week. I ordered the book from Amazon on night while during one of my many frequent insomnia episodes after (once again!) drinking too much wine. So many nights I've surfed the web looking for solutions to my problem...and I am sure I have a problem. And I need - and want!! - help and support but I really didn't know where to go - other than AA which is not right fit for me.
But there is part of me that thinks I will end up there someday if my drinking progresses - but I don't want to have to hit rock bottom and continue to struggle with alchohol and the harmful and embrarassing effects!! Can't I get off this crazy ride before it crashes??
I really related with the "high-funtioning" women and mothers in the book. The way they thought (and obsessed!) about and used alcohol while living normal and productive lives.
I was intrigued with the nutritional recommendations and went out an purchased nearly $200 worth of products at a health store today (shoulda bought online from this site...would have been less $$) but I wanted them in hand (and in my body!) today. The physical cravings are undeniable and am hoping to find relief so that I can have a chance at stopping at one or two drinks (moderation is my goal but I am willing to quit and think I may have to).
Alcoholism and depression runs rampent in my family and I know that I am suseptible - and always have had a compulsive person prone to additive behavior.
Still, friends would be shocked to know I am looking to control and possible quit drinking. They all joke that I am a "lightweight" and it is no suprise that I get sloppy or down-right drunk at every dinner party or BBQ. I drink fast - wine like it is water and often hide the amount from my husband and friends. At 5pm when I make dinner I start with a glass (I loved the reference in the book as the first drink being the one she loves and hates - cause I know where it is leading me) that leads quickly to two before I feed my two little kids and give them a bath! I am not drunk but feeling good. This is so wrong and I need to stop. I do for 2, 3 sometimes 4 days before I am popping the cork and doing again what I VOWED never to do again. Oh, mommy needs to relax and deserves a little drink. Then after the kids are asleep and I finisih nealy a bottle of wine by the end of the night - I pass out around 9:30pm watching TV with my husband (who rarely drinks more than 1 or two glasses) and wake up at mid-night sometimes unable to go back to sleep at all! The next day is torture - exhausted, hungover, shame. I am afraid to go to social events b/c I can't always control how much I drink and I don't want to make an ass of my self (again!)...the self loathing is a killer!! My husband doesn't think I have a problem and is always making excuses for me to feel better - oh, you hardly ate anything or you weren't really that drunk were you? He is a real sweeting but I almost wish he were harder on me - but who knows how I would react to that!
So WHY to I chose to drink? It is clear it takes MUCH more away than it gives to me. I just can't stop the desire and can't imagine life without it. But I want a life without it b/c I know I will be happier!! Be a MUCH better mother and wife!! I have everything I could want and no excuses. But alcohol toments me with this horrible love/hate abusive relationship. I wouldn't put up with it from a friend or my husband? Why to I keep it - and invite it in - to my life?
I hope the supplements give me some real help. I am also interested in the mediation CDs but am afraid of the Topamax. Ha, a friend just called and talked about smuggling booze into a kids concert tomorrow night - geeze, it is going to be hard but I am so ready for a change.
Thanks for listening. This writing is actually very theraputic!
enguin:
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