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    #1

    Very Frustrated

    It has been 8 days in my struggle to stay A/F. I did great the first 5 days but the last three I have drank. I know that I can only blame this on myself, I am the one that makes the decision to put alochol in my system.

    My frustration comes from my husband, he is still drinking, which is fine but I know this is what is triggering my drinking. We went out to dinner last night and I did well with sipping on a beer (should have been water) after dinner he stopped at another bar for another drink and I had a rum & coke, (should have been water). I don't know how to handle this. I should have said I would prefer to go home.

    I know that 2 drinks is not a lot but I do not want to drink at all. I want to quit and find that it is too difficult not to cave in. It is an internal fight all the time.
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    #2
    Very Frustrated

    First of all, well done on stopping at 2 drinks. That's not so easy for many people .. after the first one or two, it can be so easy to stop at the liquor store for a bottle to finish off at home. So, pat yourself on the back for making it through the evening with only 2.......... I know that's not what you're striving for, and you'd rather be AF, but if you're too hard on yourself, it could make it feel that much more difficult.

    How about making a plan for the "next time" ... whatever you think will work for you. Repeated "I don't drink anymore" thoughts... maybe talking with your husband a little more about it (maybe he'll quit with you, at least for awhile?) ... or how about having a tea or another fun "drink" (non-alcoholic) instead of water when you go out, so that it's a little more enjoyable?

    Oddly enough, I was never one to order drinks at a restaurant or a bar ... probably because I'm cheap. LOL.

    Anyway .. don't beat yourself up about it ... Instead, learn from it and use it to further your planning and progress. You'll get there!
    AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.

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      #3
      Very Frustrated

      Thank you 42cat, I know I need to talk to my husband more about my want to stay A/F. In fact, I had told him that I was only going to quit for awhile. I have no idea what I am doing or how to do it. It is very difficult for me to stop once I have started drinking. This is why I want to quit. My drinking is totally out of hand.

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        #4
        Very Frustrated

        Hi Sparkle,

        Yeah - congrats on stopping at two. I sympathize with your situation, because mine is similar. My husband still drinks and drinks a lot. I spend my now sober evenings alone because he still falls asleep early. And, we were in a restaurant last weekend and he wanted a 1/2 litre of wine (which we normally would always have). When I hesitated, he got a little sarcastic (something about my temperance union...). I (you and I?) perhaps need to look at Al-Anon stuff. I keep telling myself that all I can control is my own drinking - and if I must drink, I need to really nurse it. Drink s-l-o-w-l-y. I can't help him until he wants to cut down or quit too.

        42Cat's suggestion about interesting drinks is a very good one. My thought is also to have something with lemon, or peppermint that doesn't mix well with AL. One trick I have at home is lemon water with dinner, and then brush my teeth right after eating.

        Best of luck - I'll be thinking of you when we go out for dinner tomorrow (getting ready to be strong now!)

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          #5
          Very Frustrated

          Plan, with a capital P.
          Plan what you are going to say, what you are going to order to drink.... plan it all.... you can't wing it.
          For me, personally, I didn't venture out into society until I felt comfortable with telling people NO thanks, I don't want to drink.
          I am sorry your hubby is not supportive of your Af-ness, I can't really advise as I've been very fortunate in that my DH has supported me 100% all the way.
          Sending you strength on your journey.

          P.S. CONGRATS ON 5 DAYS AF!!
          "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

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            #6
            Very Frustrated

            Hi Sparkle
            It must be hard for you especially when your husband drinks. I don't have that situation as mine only has a beer maybe once a week. I'm thankful for that but my struggle is still difficult. Congraulations on the 5 days that you were AF ... you can do it again. We all need to just keep trying. Best to you.
            When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
            -- Franklin D Roosevelt --

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              #7
              Very Frustrated

              Thanks for all your support. This is a difficult journey for all of us for sure.

              DancingGirl, sounds like we are in the same boat. Glad not to be alone.

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                #8
                Very Frustrated

                You are definitely not alone, Sparkle! One of many things I've learnt here (reading much more than posting) is that none of us are alone in this struggle. I keep reading and seeing myself. Maybe not in every detail of every post, but in enough of them.

                It's simultaneously encouraging, warming, and, uh, sobering (pun intended).

                Hang in there and do talk to your husband. Mine understands up to a point, but I think feels guilty about his own drinking. He's not ready to take the first step (ie admitting that there's a problem), so sometimes reacts to my efforts. Ah, marriage....

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