That voice in my ear

[jubilee]

It's Monday morning, and like many of you, I try again. I'm not really new here... came by for a bit a year or so ago. At the time I was drinking wine and taking Klonopin not knowing that the two together are dangerous. Got off the Klonopin, but still drinking too much wine daily.

My life was a mess for 3 years... not because of alcohol, but personal trauma and tragedy. Wine numbed the pain. I am a high-functioning drinker, but a mess all the same. My blood pressure is now a problem, I've gained a bit of weight, I never feel really well, always anxious, wake up at the dreaded 3 am. I do exercise quite a bit, eat well, try to keep taking the supps I got from here, but fall off.

The thing is now my life is really turning around. My business is booming. I have found a great new relationship, I have wonderful friends, my kids are doing well... what more could one ask for? But that voice in my ear says I need to keep drinking; drinking will make me feel even happier, calmer. Drinking will take the edge off when I feel bad. I go a day and a half at most w/o AL, feel good, and then that hideous voice tells me I need to open the wine. I want off of this treadmill, but can't turn off this voice... (I don't mean I really hear voices...not schizo I guess it's cravings.

So I am back here, trying again today, taking my supps, drinking tea. Hoping that like many of you I will find my way out.


J

[startingover]

That voice in my ear

Hi Julbilee,
Welcome once again!
It sounds like you have a great basis on which to make this change for yourself.
The thing with addictions, is that we keep on needing that substance in order to feel "normal" in a way.
Breaking the cycle isnt easy, but very do-able.
Put a plan together for yourself. There is a terrific thread called the Toolbox thread in Monthly Abs forum. That will give you plenty of ideas and inspiration. Have you thought of using supplements to help you with cravings? I use (d) kudzu and lglutamine. Both very good.
Best wishes

[MissMerlot]

That voice in my ear

Welcome Jubilee

I, like you could never fight the feeling that a drink would make things better when the going got rough.But then i found i needed a wee glass of wine when the going was smooth.
Then i progressed to a wee glass (bottle) when i had the kids bathed suppered and in bed,
then when i had done the ironing,
then whilst making dinner,
then,first thing in the morning,,,,to bring me round....etc etc

I am no expert here at this site,(i am a mere amateur)have been logging on and off for about 2yrs.
Although im only af 5 days at the minute (My record is 8 days in 6yrs)This has probably been the first time i have no alcohol in my body.I feel i have finally killed the cycle,and endeavour to stay af to avoid starting the whole thing going..
I have learned (just today at the supermarket) that i am 100% able to say no to buying any alcohol...(i was mainly a housedrinker)

Emotionally,,i dillied,,,and thought 'oh dear,ther's such a good offer on my favourite wine' but i made myself walk on to the till saying 'no,you don't need that shit...'talking to myself all the way....i talked pver the voice that was saying 'buy it,it's a great deal'
Like a devil/angel on my shoulder type of thing?
Do you understand?I know i'm rambling but i was able to say no,and it beat the voice/thought or watever telling me otherwise..

The power i felt walking out of ther without wine in my trolley was almost as good as having a glass in front of me and not drinking it.
And even putting my groceries away when i got home it felt soooo good to let the kids ramble through the bags to see what goodies i'd bought whereas before i'd have 2 btls to hide before they came out to the kitchen...

God knows i really am rambling now but i only learned to see these 'wee' things when i came on to this site.I wouldn't have realised the feeling of empowerment or relief of having nothing to hide had it not have been for here....

Please try the l-glut & kudzo...To me it has been a godsend...
And stay close to these boards.You will come across such wonderful,supportive non-judgemental people,,, who all have a story to tell
Hope this helps a little...

:l
annie
xx

[mica]

That voice in my ear

Anniemac,
Thanks for the post. Your thoughtful rambling made me feel much better, having been distancing myself for awhile. Thank you.

[jubilee]

That voice in my ear

Anniemac, thank you, thank you! I could have written your post; it wasn't rambling.... it made perfect sense and gave me hope.

Since you have done the start/stop thing more than once, do you have bad withdrawal symptoms? That always scares me. I drink approx. 1 1/2 bottles of wine a day. I can taper down to a couple of glasses now and then and I feel fine, but going that whole step is always just out of my reach.

I just took a kudzu and will buy the ltrip today... and hopefully won't put any wine in my
"trolley!"

Startingover, thanks for the Toolboxtip... will check it out now!

[MissMerlot]

That voice in my ear

mica;669554 wrote: Anniemac,
Thanks for the post. Your thoughtful rambling made me feel much better, having been distancing myself for awhile. Thank you.

Glad my ramblings hit a chord with you mica....how've you been?

:l
annie

[MissMerlot]

That voice in my ear

jubilee;669578 wrote: Anniemac, thank you, thank you! I could have written your post; it wasn't rambling.... it made perfect sense and gave me hope.

Since you have done the start/stop thing more than once, do you have bad withdrawal symptoms? That always scares me. I drink approx. 1 1/2 bottles of wine a day. I can taper down to a couple of glasses now and then and I feel fine, but going that whole step is always just out of my reach.

I just took a kudzu and will buy the ltrip today... and hopefully won't put any wine in my
"trolley!"

Startingover, thanks for the Toolboxtip... will check it out now!

Jubilee,
I went on a 2wk bender of a few ciders during the day then ??? wine at night.I think i was in a constant top-up of alcohol and decided last wednesday i wouldn't be buying anymore,,,,
My wd were horrendous,i think if you look back through and see my thread about withdrawal symtoms you'l get my drift.17/07/09
I think u might be best to taper down gently than do as i did.
Keep reading through the posts,i think someone questioned about tapering and got some sound advice...
If i find it ill send the date to you....(not sure how to post links..)
And,for def invest in the l-glut....

:l
annis
xx

[dexterhead]

That voice in my ear

Jubilee, you sound EXACTLY like me. i started drinking way too much during some years of awful stuff happening in my life. Now things are better, but still that voice!!!!!!

[NoraC]

That voice in my ear

Wow Annie - You have that voice in your head too?!?!? What a great deal? Don't pass up that great sale on the bottles. Be sure to buy that. On & on. Give yourself a great big pat on the back!!!!!!!! :goodjob:

[TakeHeart]

That voice in my ear

I've got the voice, too!!! I can SO relate to what everyone has said! Not only the schizo thing, but also how my wine intake gradually increased over the years. Despite unkept promises to myself about moderation, each year my habit would be worse with the drinking starting earlier and earlier.

I am only on Day 2 and yesterday wasn't easy, but I made it. I've now got the L-glut and am going to look for the Kudzu.

What helped me yesterday was getting out of the house, as I also am a house drinker.

Best of luck and welcome back!!!

[Gold]

That voice in my ear

Hi Jubilee

I feel the same as you, it is as if someone else takes over and forces me to go and buy wine when I don't want to. I wonder where that comes from it is a sort of self destruct.

I am glad your business and other areas of your life are going so well for you.

[veritas]

That voice in my ear

Jubilee.
I think that so many of us relate to you. All I can say is keep reading. I have found this place a most wonderful source of information and support.

The more I understand my own drinking, the more motivated I am to keep it out of my life. I did the longest time ever AF after reading this site. It was over 3 months. I am now working on the cravings.

[tylyr]

That voice in my ear

I've been here a while too, and find many of the posts a great help - but, the one about the voice in my ear really strikes a chord. the most I've ever been AF is 10 weeks - great, and then gave in. I've also done 4weeks and 7weeks. But I've had enough. the voice is there all the time, I'm fed up of thinking about wine, after a day or so it comes back. reading this thread has made me realize that many people have this 'voice'. What I need to know is how long does it last? is it there forever.
I want to DO it this time. I'm in on this one. Hope I get some replies!! thanks a lot everyone Tylyr

[Cinders]

That voice in my ear

Tylyr,

I hope the voice goes away, too.

I keep working on replacing that voice.

With so many people really quitting for good, here and elsewhere, it tells me it can be done. Which mean, we can do it.

Glad you are back. Never give up giving up.

Cindi

[Winefree]

That voice in my ear

The voice is the part of our mind that is alcoholic, it is your disease talking. It tells you to go ahead and you deserve it, it is a reward and you'll stop tomorrow etc.
I believe it is why AA states we are powerless over alcohol, since the disease keeps talking to us and telling us to go ahead. It will rationalize it day after day. We all need to talk back to this voice and tell it to go away and NOT give in to it. That voice is not your friend, it is the devil trying to kill us all.

Alcohol free is the way to be. Tell the da.....voice to Shut up once and for all each and every time it tries to get its way. IT IS NO LONGER RUNNING THE SHOW, YOU ARE. And make it stick. If I could do it, anyone can.

Winefree