New - thought I was alone

[Gold]

I probably started drinking when I was 15 or 16, for confidence mainly, having been brought up in a very critical environment it was the only way I seemed to be able to feel comfortable with myself.

The last nine years though have been the worst, things have escalated, I have experienced many challenges and used wine to dull my fears and emotions.

I have tried many times and bought many programmes to stop drinking, which I mostly do at home (the drinking), without success. The result is that I seem to have entered into a cycle of shame and guilt (I'm an expert at guilt!), low energy, and the resultant depression which then makes me want to drink more, in fact I feel as though I am missing something important if I don't drink!

I really don't want to be like this, the guilt and shame (self-imposed) has caused me to isolate myself from life. I really thought I was alone, the only person who had this shameful secret! Then I stumbled across this site, I am really hoping that realising I am not alone and having the support of others who understand will be the boost I need to be AF.

:thanks:

[DeeBee]

New - thought I was alone

Hi and welcome Gold.
Have you read the book "My Way Out" yet? I found it really inspiring (a short read) and helped me devise a plan to get my life back.
The program uses supplements, medication (not compulsory), a healthy diet and exercise. Being a part of this wonderful and supportive community has also been essential in my journey.

You aren't alone anymore:-)

[startingover]

New - thought I was alone

Hi Gold.
I think many of us can relate to your need to drink to give confidence. Trouble is, underneath, its eroding our confidence and creating depression and other mental health problems.
You are certainly not alone.
Do you have a plan at all? Thats a good place to start.

[veritas]

New - thought I was alone

Gold, a very warm welcome to you. I hope that you find lots of understanding on your road to discovery.

The shame and guilt are bummers, aren't they? Only thing I can say in their favour is they get us motivated to move. It sounds as thoough you are quite depressed. Do you think that it might be adding to your need to drink?

[Gold]

New - thought I was alone

Thanks DeeBee,

I haven't read the book My Way Out, I have bought so many books, hypnosis CD's, supplements and so on over the years, I feel reluctant to buy another. I think the real issue for me has been not asking for help!

The suggestion of a plan is a good one, thank you, bringing some routine along would be a good thing I think.

[Gold]

New - thought I was alone

Hi startingover,

You are right, I need to create a plan otherwise I will most likely just drift, thanks for commenting.

[Gold]

New - thought I was alone

Hi Veritas,

Thank you for the welcome. I am sure depression is a major factor, I daresay though that if I can get say a week of AF behind me I will feel much brighter.

[Mad Mummy]

New - thought I was alone

Hi Gold

You're not alone - I thought that it was only me as well and couldn't believe that there were so many people all over the world doing and feeling like I was!

I've found that everyone on here is so supportive and non-judgemental they're brilliant.

The book is brilliant, I've not used the CDs or supplements myself but can recommend 30 days AF (it took me over a year to do it but it was worth it). Keep posting and reading.

Bx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

New - thought I was alone

Hi Gold, nice name you have chosen. Welcome onboard it is great you have found us and your way out. May I also suggest you download the book and read it, it will help you formulate a plan that works for you. Feeling guilty about our past is something that we have to try to leave there, forgive ourselves and move on to a better sober life. Good luck on your journey.
Keep safe
KTAB

[Popeye]

New - thought I was alone

Gold;670152 wrote: in fact I feel as though I am missing something important if I don't drink!

Hello Gold,
That was how I felt for so long. I had convinced myself that I was punishing myself by not drinking, then I woke up to the fact that I'm not. I was killing myself and believing that I was enjoying it. Alcohol plays a lot of these mind-games. How can this be fun without a glass in my hand? I really need this to relax. People will think I'm weird. So many false perceptions that drink seems the only way to deal with life.
I had an epiphany; a lightbulb moment passing the booze shop one day, and all the lies just disappeared. It takes time, but I believe that if we can keep fighting the voice in our heads, it will eventually weaken and die.
Good luck on your journey.

[Lavande]

New - thought I was alone

Hi Gold and welcome!

MWO is a good place, you'll find lots of support & encouragement here!
I have to tell you, unresolved anxiety/depression led me to wine abuse also. I was nearly crippled, desperate for help. Rx antidepressants didn't help, didn't lessen my desire to drink. I ended up finding a good OTC herbal preparation, got the anxiety under control then was able to stop drinking with the help of MWO and all the wonderful people here.
Please feel free to drop in the 'Newbies Nest' thread too.

Wishing you the best!

[The New Me]

New - thought I was alone

Hi Gold,

I too have quite a few books on alcohol accumulated over the years. I have realized that my expectations were unrealistic, to quit just becasue I read one book. It is a process and reading helps.

I have read many many more, and I am still reading (got smarter - check them from the library now). Books do help you grasp your motivation for drinking and also to identify the lies you tell yourself. I find it usueful just to find one sentence that speaks to me.
My reading created a problem however -- I need to hide my books when I have guests. How can I explain owning so many books on alcohol???

[timpin]

New - thought I was alone

Hi Gold

You are certainly missing something when you don't drink ! You will miss the hangovers and the aching body.You will miss sleeping really well and waking up to a different world, one where you will be much happier. I drank regularly for over thirty years and decided just a few days ago that I wanted to live and enjoy the rest of my life. Stopping wasn't as difficult as I thought it was going to be, but just occasionally my head tries to tell me to have just one, but I have managed to fight it. You can do it Gold. If i can manage it, anyone can ! There are so many wonderful soft drinks out there to choose from..my favourite..chilled water with a slice of lemon. Have a go at it and use these forums for support.

good luck...Tim

[Gold]

New - thought I was alone

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement. It makes such a difference to know that there are other people experiencing the same as me, and that enables me to be easier on myself rather than giving myself an extremely hard time as I typically do!

I've managed a day, which I have done before and then I find because I feel so much better, paradoxically the second day rarely happens let alone the third and so on. I've downloaded the book and bought myself Kudzu and L-glut which I hope will help.

I have decided to commit to 30 days AF initially, I had intended to say I would simply commit to AF but it sets off questions in my mind such as what will I do in such and such a situation which risks derailing me, so the 30 days will allow me to become sufficiently clear to be able to decide what I want to do from that point.

Beautiful horse Mad Mummy, is it yours?

[Tulipe]

New - thought I was alone

Hi Gold,
How are you feeling? Good job on day 1. Any WD's yet? Try to drink lots of water with lemon juice, if you can - I grew to love it.
In my opinion the second day was the hardest.
30 days is a great goal. I look forward to hearing how it goes.