horrible weekend

[42cat]

horrible weekend

Gearhead ((hugs)) .. I know that low, ashamed, hate-myself feeling so well. And then there's anxiety, depression, etc. -- A lot of it is the AL talking, and we have to remember that as we go through it. It's not necessarily "real" .. so ride it out, knowing that it will get better .... And, no matter what, don't give up wanting to be sober and wanting a better life.

Try not to focus on things that you're not proud of .. Instead focus on things that you ARE proud of, even little things - the first thing being that you CARE. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be here. You care about making a better life. You care about your kids. That is a wonderful quality. Take hold of it and be proud of it .... and build on it. Little by little. Do something different .. something good. Even if it's just cleaning out a kitchen drawer (as an odd example - but it worked for me) .. It's a small step in organizing your life into something better. Do it and then be proud of it. Then do it again. Little by little.

Today, focus on fighting your way through without AL (water, good foods, supplements, vitamins) - something else to be proud of. I know how NOT easy that is, and I also know how great it felt to conquer each hour .. My first great feeling was getting to 18 hours AF - doesn't sound like much to be proud of, but for me it was and it felt great. (I drank a fifth of rum or vodka, morning to night, for a long time.)

You can do this and will come out the other side feeling like a new man. Think of what you want .. and make plans to get there - including staying away from your triggers, such as your ex, as mentioned above. Take this journey little by little .. it adds up quickly. Here's to a wonderful life - it can be yours. Go get it!

[cacky]

horrible weekend

GH...my kids are 10. I can guarantee that all they want is to see you happy and healthy. I thought that my kids didnt want anything to do with me..that they were embarrassed of me and maybe they were 8 months ago. i cried seriously every day for a month. i dont think i could put two words together without crying. now they are with me non stop. they are resiliant. time does heal all wounds. do what everyone suggests. dont worry about everyone else. take care of yourself physically and mentally today. drink water...take a walk eat something healthy (baby steps)

[me1455]

horrible weekend

cacky how are you drinkingthese days? are you taking baclofen? how much do you drink now vs before? i it through willpwer? gearhead, i know exactly how you feel. this diseae is so terrible because we not only go through the cravings and torture from the alcohol to ourselves, we have to be upset over how others view us. as your kids for example. you dont want to be tht alcoholic dad. i totally understand your pain. especially after a bender, you feel depressed from the drinking itself.

[cacky]

horrible weekend

me, i am taking baclofen but not sure for how much longer. still very tierd. still just aking 60 mgs. maybe i should back down. i havent had a drink (except 3 drinks last night) since friday. this is a record for me since october of last year. im trying to go 30 days AF starting 7/17 but im not going to start over just because of last night. if i start over then i will just use that as a mental excuse to keep drinking. i dont drink and drive anymore (big win), i dont drink around my kids anymore(another big win), i have won back the respect of my friends, business associates and family (win, win and win). now its just my own personal secret struggle (ok be loss) but i am working on it. feeling ever optimistic

[venicebeach]

horrible weekend

:new:this is my first time and I am 5 days sober after years of day in day out drinking, three rehabs and a huge mess of life. but i almost lost it last night. when I called my ex to him I missed him. his response, to late I can only think you as a drunk. that hurts. So i feel for ya with my own tears

[venicebeach]

horrible weekend

but i did wake up sober this morning and that I thank myo for . It has been a life saver for me. I have been reading these post for the last five days and after reading what you went thru last night , as I was doing it myself . I just had to join in and say " your not alone " alot of us have been thru it. I swear it does get better .

[sunshine_gg]

horrible weekend

Gearhead... how are you feeling now?

I agree, certain people can be a huge trigger. I don't subscribe to 'Sticks and stones....' - words can definitely hurt and send us spiraling. You are not alone.

Cacky is right... kids forgive and forget. Mine are older and were MUCH more aware of what was going on... but my relationship with both has improved 100x over the last 6 months. You can do this, GH. But, I also agree with others... you need to want to make a change for YOU as well... not just your kids.

Wishing you strength and unbridled success. :l

[Gearhead]

horrible weekend

A little better I guess. At work and starting to function. AL makes me feel like a reject. It was like alot of my weekend was a haze. Was doing so awesome until I started drinking. Hope improvements and just being a better guy. I pretty much lost two days of my life for the most part. No more running to the store for "whatever" so I can sneak a drink without my kids seeing. I feel so ashamed about my drinking. I really hate the sweaty trembling way I feel. Sweating but yet I feel cold. DINAO. I like it. I need to live that for a while.

[sosad61]

horrible weekend

GH, been there and done that as most on this forum have. You are a good man; you care about your children.

For the last 18 months I had been drinking VERY heavily until my 16 year old daughter told me "Daddy, I don't like it when you drink, it's like you are not there." So, I know how you feel.

I stopped for a week, but then began again. But I can't take the trembling, pain, and suffering anymore. Moreover, I want my daughter to know that she has a dedicated father.

My situation is unusual, due to my daughter being an athlete, she trains in a far away place with my wife accompanying her. They are gone for weeks/months at a time.

If you have your kids with you, this should provide even more inspiration for you; I am alone 90 percent of the time even though I am happily married with a lovely daughter.

You'll get through this. I'm sending good thoughts/prayers your way friend.

PS. I am drinking as we "speak," but have been cutting down tremendously on my alcohol consumption. I've found that going cold turkey isn't the way for me. I need to cut down little by little for some reason. This has worked for me in the past.

[MissMerlot]

horrible weekend

Hi GH

Just sending you a quick message to help encourage you to go with these withdrawals and they will pass.Last thursday (after 2wks heavy drinking,cider during the day and copious amounts of wine at night)...i had the worst wd's ever.Had a seizure in the morning,cold sweats all day,didn't know which end to put on the toilet and was shaking so bad i could barely hold a glass of water to my mouth...
Through the prayers advice and encouragement of this site i am now 7 days without alcohol.First 3 days were a killer but they're over me now.I feel good physically and mentally,well i'd be lying if i said i didn't get the odd craving but i feel great getting up in the morning without a hangover or the 'what did i do last night' feeling which accompanied my waking moment almost every single day..
Trust in yourself,,,,3 days of torture (well for me it was) but i had to break the cycle of getting up to a few ciders to 'bring me round'
You too can break this cycle..
Things can only get better GH...

Hugs
annie
xx

[sparrow]

horrible weekend

Hi Gearhead,
Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. My own Dad is in the throws of alcoholism, I still love him, I'll be happy when he gets better so will your kids, No one is perfect we all have problems. Love yourself sober.
Your mwo friend
Sparrow

[Gearhead]

horrible weekend

OK guys. Got a challenge on my plate now. Blind date at neighborhood bar. I intend to have a diet coke. Wish me luck! I feel strong. I can do this.

[The New Me]

horrible weekend

Gearhead,

Good luck with your date, but be carefull. Having gone through a major relationship trauma myself, I've noticed that dating is a major trigger for me.
I went on a date last week, which I thought went great, but the guy did not call for a few days. Drunk a BIG bottle of wine because I felt I did something to turn him off. He did call after all, but I already ruined my great, well-earned AF days.
I realized I am a bit too raw to take the stress of dating right now.
Just my two cents...

[~iirene~]

horrible weekend

well GearHead, last weekend, i fell and left meself logged in all nite on MWO.
thankfully i did not do much damage only to awake to read morning news, i am logged in still! went to make a samwich only to fall asleep after, if i was real drunk, certainly i would have caused self-shame.

[TakeHeart]

horrible weekend

Gearhead,
I feel your pain. I've been there before and it sucks. I'm only 4 days AF, so hardly the poster child for sober living.

However, being only 4 days into this journey, I can all to well remember feeling what you are now. My best advice is to just start. I was the queen of "Tomorrow, I'll stop tomorrow. And hey, since this is my last night of drinking, I should party it up!" I finally decided time was ticking by and I didn't want to waste anymore time dealing with the fallouts of drinking so much.

So tomorrow finally came. The last 4 days have not been easy, and although I would love a glass of wine right now, I want to wake up tomorrow with no alcohol running through my veins.

You said you love your kids more than anything. Remember what they tell you when you fly? Secure your oxygen mask first. This is because you are no good to your children if you aren't there for them. You not drinking would be a great step towards being more present to help them, have fun with them, teach them, provide for them, etc...

Best wishes!!!!!