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**Gold** · July 25, 2009, 05:46 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

Hi GoldieGirl and welcome,

You've come to the right place.

I can readily identify with the morning promise and the opposite outcome by the end of the day. It truly is mental torture.

Perhaps the responsibility for your family is weighing on you. I don't know why you want to destroy your life, but I know I was destroying mine because I didn't care too much for myself and carried a lot of guilt and shame. Those are extremely painful conditions and punishing ourselves I think is a way of relieving the pressure, and if you've not been nurtured by others as I wasn't, then you don't know how to do it for yourself.

I am sure you will find the support and release from your despair in these pages.

:welcome:

**mario** · July 25, 2009, 05:53 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

:welcome: hi goldiegirl there are numerous people & threads here that may be of help, as you have said its our choice and the doors we open and close each day decides the lives we live

**DancingGirl** · July 25, 2009, 05:55 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

Good morning GoldieGirl and Gold (are you two related?)

I'm fairly new here too, but have already found this site to be a life saver. I read much more than I post, and keep finding threads and posts and confessions and solutions that have me feeling like I'm staring in a mirror. You'll find loads of support here when you need it GoldieGirl.

:welcome:

My take on the reason we drink to destruction is that we all have a type of genetic condition that makes us prone to Alcohol (AL) problems. I came here because of just what you're describing -although my promises not to drink that day came at 2 or 3 am. By noon the next day, I was saying, well, I'll just have 1 or 2 with dinner. We all know the end of that story!

So, welcome! You are not alone in this and there are fabulous people here who are abstaining, struggling, abstaining again. Sometimes, especially at the beginning, you have to just take it one hour at a time - I'll not have a drink now - I'll go for a walk, have tea, have lemon water, call a friend, or go on MWO and read, post, join the chat. It really does work.

Be well and strong and see you here again soon,
Dancer

**DancingGirl** · July 25, 2009, 05:56 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

Good morning to Mario too - you posted while I was writing

I like your little dancing demons!

**joesgal** · July 25, 2009, 06:15 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

Hi Goldiegirl and welcome! You have come to the right place, this is day 4 for me now and I know exactly what you are saying. You will get there, I wish you well, joesgal

**Long Road** · July 25, 2009, 06:38 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

HI Goldie and Welcome
I have no advice. I just say thay you are among friends who understand.

**hippie37** · July 25, 2009, 06:55 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

Hi Goldiegirl

I, like you, tried to control my drinking and in doing so it just caused me even more anger and frustration when I couldn't control it (drinking and non-drinking). I've learned that I can't control something I have no control over in the first place i.e. addiction. It's who I am and I can only manage my life when I let go of that control.
"If you let go a little you'll find a little happiness, if you let go a lot you'll find a lot of happiness but if you let go completely you'll find freedom". Something I firmly believe in today.

Alcohol is a killer and the one thing it took most precious from me as an individual was my soul/spirit. I'm a young 39 but inside I'm still a child because my emotional growth has been stunted by alcohol and drugs for so long that I don't know hope to cope with the emotional intelligence of other people. I can very easy put on a 'mask' (believe me I have thousands of them! I'm quite the chameleon!) and go about my daily life functioning as any other human being on the outside, making out I'm doing OK. But on the inside I'm riddled with fear and shame and guilt etc etc and this is what always leads me back into active addiction.

I hope you find some release from those negative feelings and emotions and are able to let go of the control.

Peace and Love
Phil
xx

**Lavande** · July 25, 2009, 07:48 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

Hi Goldie,

Wishing you the best on Day 1! It's a big step, a hard step too but you can do it! Do you have a good plan for yourself in place? Are you taking any meds or using any supplements?

Please feel free to join us on the 'Newbies Nest' thread here in the Just Getting Started section. There's lots of people, like you, just starting their journey.

Wishing you the best!

**Dave34217** · July 25, 2009, 07:58 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

The promise

I know your pain. I joined 2 days ago. though I would try AF a week. made it one day. Seems my promise is crap after 3pm. I also have a wife that likes to drink. One big mess and always a proken promise. Not a goo thing fro us 50 plus bodys.
The daily stress of life does make it tough. I think this site can help .
I'm giving it anothet try myself, you too.

**sparkleAZ** · July 25, 2009, 08:23 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

I am so glad not to be alone with this addiction. I am the same boat as everyone in this thread. My husband still drinks so at the end of the day I give in. I wake up in the morning irritated with myself and lack of self control. All I can do is try again today. I got MWO book and will read that today and hopefully that will at least keep me focused to stay AF today. If nothing else I need to string a few AF days together. Out of the last 7 days I was only AF 2 days. Not too good.

**Liath** · July 25, 2009, 08:30 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

Sparkle-

Looking on the positive side, 2 days AF in a week is really a good start. Many cannot say as much. I really hope the book inspires you. I am cheering for you girl!!!

**venicebeach** · July 25, 2009, 08:42 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

i can't add much more then everybody else. I was much worse then you , I could not even get past the morning without drinking. many promises to stop the next day, 3 rehabs in a month , lost my husband , kids started to hate me, most family tired of the lies. and low and behold mwo came into my life and I am af for 7 days today... I could'nt get 7 hrs sober before.... you can do . you will

**Changed1** · July 25, 2009, 09:08 AM

Live or Die - My Choice

GoldieGirl, welcome!

I will be the big 50 in Sept. My Dr. told me in January I'd have long term health problems if I didn't quit drinking, so I can relate to the fears over what alcohol is doing on the inside. I've felt that way MANY times. I'm a young looking 49 (in fact, I may just stay 49!) but fear for health reasons too if I don't stop.

You can do this! MWO is a great place to be. I hope you stick around and join in the fun.

**sparrow** · July 25, 2009, 03:59 PM

Live or Die - My Choice

Hi Goldie,

I'm one of the many people who can relate to your story. I drank almost a bottle of pino every night for 13 yaers. Every morning Id say not again but by about 3:00 it was more like what the H_. 44 days ago I had my last drink.that is I don't ever plan to drink again. No more headaches no more guilt no more worring about what I will become.
I don't know what finally made me take the plunge, why didn't I do it sooner? Just put down the bottle Goldie, you can do it!! you will feel so good about yourself.
You don't need the wine it does nothing for you it is all an illusion.
Keep the faith,
your new mwo friend
Sparrow

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