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30 days AF- what next?

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    #1

    30 days AF- what next?

    HI all
    I'm on day 21. I'm hoping not to have any reason to think I won't make it to day 30.

    I'm not sure what to do then. I'm not physically addicted to alcohol- my problem is I do stupid things when I drink and get completely out of control. I'm a binge drinker in the simplist terms- I have one and it always leads to another, I don't know when to stop. I HATE the person I become drunk.

    My ideal would be to mod, but it a) seems very hard and b) all my judgement tends to go after a couple of drinks.
    But the idea I will never drink again does scare me. A lifetime of making excuses with friends, missed toasts, missed pimms in the summer, wine with meals out, holiday drinks, etc..

    However, if the simplist defination of an alcoholic is someone who wants to give up drinking but can't, isn't that me all over?

    any advice very much appriciated, thanks
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    #2
    30 days AF- what next?

    Hey Serenity

    Good for you on the 21 days.

    For me, what came "next" became clear after about a couple weeks I think.

    I decided that what I GAINED by not drinking was worth much more to me than anything I gave UP.

    I also listened very hard to many old-timers (in experience, not AGE) here on the boards who had tried moderation and decided it was not for them, and who now choose AF as their way of life. Many many of them had said over and over that they HAD to change their attitude about being AF to one of being GRATEFUL for what they had, not looking longingly towards what they no longer had.

    I have been thinking in those positive terms ever since, and I'm not looking back. You said that the idea of NOT drinking again scares you.

    I'm just the opposite. The idea of not drinking ever again fills me with peace, gratitude, and a grounded knowledge that I won't have to struggle again. It is the thought of going BACK to alcohol that scares the living SHITE out of me.

    Good luck to you in your decision making.

    Comment

      #3
      30 days AF- what next?

      Serenity when I gave up the drink I was scared shit-less because I was left with this big gaping hole inside of me that alcohol and other substances had been filling for well over 20 years. So yes! the thought of not having that crutch in my life and having to deal with life without it was extremely daunting.....if I looked too far ahead that is.

      I like you was a binge drinker and with that came a lot of drugs too. I was a complete mess towards the end of my drinking days, or so I thought! I ended up convincing myself and those around me that I could moderate. That's when things took a turn for the worst and I really hit my rock bottom when I couldn't achieve it.

      Anyone who says that becoming totally abstinent is NOT a scary thought needs their head examined in my eyes! It's a natural feeling to feel that way and it is probably good that you do feel like that because it means your human and are aware of your feelings! I think too many people get complacent and try and hide that feeling of doubt, worry, fear, anxiousness etc. and by-pass it. Giving up the drink is a grieving process in itself and it will take time and a full range of emotions to deal with. I'm not trying to scare you either I'm just being as open and honest as I can with you and how it was for me.

      21 days is a great achievement so keep it up and keep things simple. A day at a time if need be.

      Well done

      Peace and Love
      Phil
      xx
      "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
      Clean and sober 25th January 2009

      Comment

        #4
        30 days AF- what next?

        Serenity,

        I am another one of those that tried many, many times to moderate and simply cannot do it.

        It is that simple for me.

        Like Sheri, the only thing I am giving up by going AF is nothing.

        Like Hippie, I do grieve the substance that at first did me so well. Alcohol relaxed me, a Type-A overachiever, let me deal with stress and anxiety, all very nice side effects. But then the addiction took over and the bad outweighed the good by far.

        Today, I know I cannot drink. Ever.

        That no longer scares me, it relieves me.

        Good luck with your decision. Only you can make it.

        Cindi
        AF April 9, 2016

        Comment

          #5
          30 days AF- what next?

          You're all so right, thank you so much for taking the time to share.
          I know deep down if I mod I'll be back here- maybe not for 6 months, but its still a waste of 6 months.

          I do envy people who don't drink. The poise they have, the control. But you knwo what, maybe they're fighting inner demons too. Maybe in 6 months people will be envying me, I will look so no plussed about the whole thing (heres hoping)

          I think for maybe 5 or 6 days I have been in despondent mode- no real opportunity to drink (I didn't drink much at home) and those opportunities are rearing their head this week. Maybe if I haven't posted and got this feedback I would have crumbled. I feel so much more positive now.

          Comment

            #6
            30 days AF- what next?

            I know exactly how you feel! i've been here soooo many times. I'm not a massive, massive drinkier, but I too can't stop at 2 glasses. No one is aware of the problem I have. I'm on day 12 today, for the umpteenth time - and I'm already beginning to think 'Can I....Shall I...' it's all so very stupid. I too can't imagine a holiday without a glass of wine, a wedding etc etc

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              #7
              30 days AF- what next?

              Serenity, congrats on 21 days.
              tylyr, congrats on 12 days.
              You have both made good progress, why screw it up now?

              I agree with everything the others have already said. When I hit my 30 days I asked myself if I was ready for 1 or 2 glasses of wine. The answer was a resounding NO!

              I am missing absolutely nothing.
              I have gained soooooo much.
              I am happy, free to do anything I want, feel so much better, look better, am free of anxiety, have more money in my pocket, etc., etc., etc.

              You don't need alcohol in your glass to celebrate a holiday or toast a bride & groom.
              You need to do yourselves a huge favor & change your thinking. Nobody really gives a damn what's in your glass but you
              AF since 03/26/09
              NF since 05/19/09
              Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

              Comment

                #8
                30 days AF- what next?

                Well said!!

                --Steve

                Lavande;678334 wrote: Serenity, congrats on 21 days.
                You don't need alcohol in your glass to celebrate a holiday or toast a bride & groom.
                You need to do yourselves a huge favor & change your thinking. Nobody really gives a damn what's in your glass but you

                Comment

                  #9
                  30 days AF- what next?

                  Beautifully put, Scrubbly.

                  --Steve

                  scrubbly;674884 wrote: Hey Serenity

                  I'm just the opposite. The idea of not drinking ever again fills me with peace, gratitude, and a grounded knowledge that I won't have to struggle again. It is the thought of going BACK to alcohol that scares the living SHITE out of me.

                  Good luck to you in your decision making.

                  Comment

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