Can't Believe I Did That

[feathersnfur]

I just told my husband about my problem. I can't believe I did that. It was ok, he was rather astonished, but it was ok. I just more or less flipped, because the bottle I was using with my exact measured amount of wine in it, he just poured into his own glass! I was really upset, and just thought what the heck, and told him... I'm measuring my total intake, and now you've stuffed it up! (Ok, in the grand scheme of things it probably wasn't that critical, but it was to me). He was amazingly calm about it! I have made him promise not to tell our children and he has said he won't. I have told him I am on a program, told him I went to the doctor (I didn't say that the doctor was so useless, there was no point). He was really quiet, but actually supportive. I just don't believe I have told my family! I do hope it doesn't backfire on me!!

I have the book, I have the supplements (except Kudzu which I am going to have to order online and hope it gets through Customs). I HAD my plan which fell to pieces last week after I had really bad news.

Someone on here kind of suggested that I might be using that as an excuse. I'm not! I am really not! But I have read every word of the book, and Roberta says pick a time to start when there is nothing major planned in your life because you need to be really focussed. I figured that my chance of failure was really high when I first discovered the tragic news from the UK, so I would put it off until it had all calmed down. I wasn't using it as an excuse, very far from it. I could never use the imminent death of such a beloved member of the family as an excuse for my drinking that second bottle. I was just figuring that I'd rather wait a few more days so that I had at least an evens chance, rather than start and fail. Of course we are all different, and I understand that.

Now, here I am and I have started to cut down. I have been watering down the red wine and am now down to 1 bottle a night. I am trying to do this really slowly because I am terrified of getting a seizure. I am taking the supps, ordered the Kudzu. Another couple of days I will be doing 3/4 of a bottle. Sorry, but I'd rather do it slowly and succeed that try to do it fast and fail. I've been drinking for so long that I figure what's another few days.

No doctor in this small town will prescribe any medication other than Antabuse and I don't want that. I have ordered some Topamax online in desperation. Again, I hope the Customs let it in. Once I have started taking it I hope the doctor may agree to prescribe it, if he knows I am getting it regardless.

The hypnosis CDs will be arriving soon, and I am getting the CD player, headphones etc all sorted in good time.

Firstly though, I need to safely cut down really slowly and give myself 30 days alcohol free. I'll be ready to start then.

[Cinders]

Can't Believe I Did That

Feathers,

This is MWO, My Way Out. No one else's.

You have a plan and you are implementing it. I think your plan is a good one and if you can taper down, it shows real guts and determination.

Telling your hubby was your way of making this decision final. I applaud you for that.

Take it one day at a time and implement your plan.

You will get there.

Cindi

[greeneyes]

Can't Believe I Did That

Hey, I think that's great!! I think it eliminated some of the hiding shame and made me more accountable to someone besides myself. There is a thread on tapering, have you seen it? :goodjob: on your commitment!

[savon19]

Can't Believe I Did That

It always amazes me when I hear someone is able to hide their drinking from spouse...

Good that he took it well and will be supportive!

[42cat]

Can't Believe I Did That

Feathers .. nice to meet you. Wow, that's a big step - telling your spouse. I'll bet it felt great to get it out ... and now you have a family partner in this who you can talk to about it as you go along. That's a great thing. (I totally wish I could have told my DH, but I know it wouldn't have done any good.)

Sounds like you have a solid plan in order and you sound very determined. Go with that feeling! I, too, tapered down. I think I may have tapered a little too quickly, given the amount I was drinking (750 ml hard liquor per day), and I did have a couple of kind of scary'ish days.. but no seizures, thank goodness. I've heard horror stories. I think your slow taper might be a good idea. You know yourself and your body the best - Do this YOUR way.

Looking forward to seeing you on the boards!

[DancingGirl]

Can't Believe I Did That

Hi Feathers 'n Fur,

Congratulations on telling you husband and I'm so glad to hear he's okay with it. Family can be supportive, destructive, enablers, or causes, so it means a lot to have someone even vaguely in your corner. My hubby is very supportive when I collapse, but can get a little prickly if he thinks my comments about not drinking or drinking less are a criticism of his own continued drinking. I also took the step of telling my Mom the other day and she just said "Good idea. It's better for your liver" and that was the end of it!

Best to all in our continued climb,
D

[Popeye]

Can't Believe I Did That

Hi Feathersnfur.
You sound very determined and that is great!
It's a very personal fight that we're in, but support from any quarter is always good.
The people that love you will want the best for you and if that means cutting back on the booze then I'm sure they'll be fine with that.
Whatever it takes......

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Can't Believe I Did That

Feathers hello again, getting support from DH may be just the thing you need to get this kick started. Every step you are taking no matter how small, is a step in the right direction. It is great that you are putting a plan in place and I wish you all the success on your journey.

[sparrow]

Can't Believe I Did That

Hi feathers,
I'll be praying for you, You have a good plan and alot of courage. I can tell you you will feel so happy when you are free of Al.
I just love the words "I don't drink" they are the greatest 3 words in the english language to me. You will get threre too.
Congrats on your decision

[ronnie]

Can't Believe I Did That

Feathers, I think you are doing really great, well done

[scrubbly]

Can't Believe I Did That

Feathers....Congrats to you on "making it real" with your spouse. I too took that step early on with my hubby, and it was something done on the spur of the moment...he was filling up the tub for our 3-year old and I just blurted out that I was trying to cut down on my alcohol intake because I thought it was becoming a problem and my hubby kind of looked at my like I was from another planet....then he said, "Oh, okay, I guess that is healthier for you then" and resumed filling the tub.

It was rather anticlimactic actually. But it kept me from going back on my commitment...and later he told me that although it wasn't really obvious all the time, that he had rather ignored signs of things too, now that we were talking about things more, and that if he had thought to pay more attention he really should have known how much I was really drinking - i.e. times when I seemed a lot more drunk than I should have been for "just the one glass he saw me drink..." ---he didn't see me topping it up 4 or 5 times from the secret stash..... lordy lordy....

Good luck to you, I think your plan sounds just great.