Not making progress

[Riker]

It's been almost 2 years since I first joined MYO. I've had some limited sucess in abstaining / moderating..but really nothing significant. I am now drinking 10 beers a day, every day, and a few more than that on weekends. I feel that I have reached what I perceived to be the end of the line may times in the last 2 years, but then then I pick up the line and moved it even further, to many times I have done that. It used to be 6 a day, then 8, now it's 10..I don't want it to be 12, or 16 or more every single day. I am disgusted with how I look, I went from a 30 inch waist size to a 38 inch waist size in the last 5 or so years..that is simply not acceptable..but try as I might, I still end up drinking every frigging day. It has become such a habit that has growned in the past 20 years that I don't even remember what it feels like to not drink. I don't know who I am without drinking. I don't drink during the weekday, but in the evening I'll go through 10 beers.

I've tried a lot of things thus far.. I got the book / sups / CDs etc.. 2 years ago.. and had some but limited sucess.. but I think it's the will to want to change that was not there at the time.. I did not really want to quit with all of my being. All the supps in the world will not help someone who does not truly want to stop. And even to this day I don't want to quit drinking forever.. It might be a fantasy, but I would like to have a few beers once in a while with some friends etc.. I know that I have to stop for a while first, ie: 30 days etc.. before even thinking of mods.. Damm this crap is hard to control / stop.. but I know it's doable.. I read about people doing it every day on this forum..

Just wanted to get back on the board and give it another go with you guys.. I miss some of the old gard around here.

Thanks for listening.. Steph

[ronnie]

Not making progress

Hi Steph
If you really want to do this, then anything is possilble, I am now on 27 days A/F after trying to mod. but with no success, and I am feeling great, the first week will be hard but you just have to go with the flow, try reading the book again, get some L-Glut, that helps with cravings and keep posting on here, plus keep yourself really busy and change your routine, it does help
I wish you all the best

[Zeppie2]

Not making progress

Hi Steph, next month it will be a year since I joined MWO, after being sent home from work for being drunk, started off well and went 90 days AF before I thought I'd try and drink low al beer (1%), that worked well for a couple of months and was nice to have a cold beer after a hot summers day at work, I then thought I would just get some normal beer (they don't sell low al beer in my home town) what a mistake. I slowly started creeping back to my old ways, not as bad as last year when I could easily drink 18 440ml cans in a day, but I could feel myself slipping and was starting to get cravings at breakfast again.

But I digress, you say you don't want to be AF forever, I just thought I'd say you might be like me, I didn't want to be AF forever but I know I can't moderate, I've tried it and unfortunately for some of us it doesn't work. For me it's all or nothing, I've tried both ways, when I was AF I felt wonderful and alive but also like I was missing out when I went to functions but with Al in my life I am a useless idiot who needs a whiteboard to write down what I have done so I remember in the morning.

My father came up to help me for two weeks with my dogs (I train greyhounds), this was when I thought I could moderate. His normal routine is to have two cans of beer with lunch on sundays (he has done this for years). I thought why not I'll have two beers with dad, after lunch he went back to work happily and I found ways to hide beer around the place so I could continue drinking throughout the day (the good old coffee cup is a well known trick). As we worked I'd find excuses to go back inside for a gulp of beer, "better check the washing" "is that the phone?" etc.

My point is, and I apologise for going on so long, but I am trying to get to grips with my problem ONCE AGAIN!!!!! I can not moderate, and as much as I am a social person and love to go out, (although when drinking heavily I turn into the biggest recluse ever) I have to get it into my head that I may never be able to drink again.

[startingover]

Not making progress

Hi Steph, just wanted to say welcome back (and to you too Zepps!!)
I am also one of those who cannot moderate. Accepting that fact isnt easy I know.
Anyway, its great to see you back. Stick around, it does seem to help so many.

[boozehag]

Not making progress

The way I see it is that the AL infused emotional brain cant comprehend being AF long term (even if the rational brain desperately wants it) so the thing is to trick the brain by not looking at the long term scenario and just go for shorter term goals like 30 days, 60 days, 90 days etc - all done one day at a time. Never think of the big picture! Once the benefits kick in you will then be able to reconsider the longer term scenario in a more rational way and you may be not quite so afraid of a future without AL. As they say time heals but only if you give it enough time to do so.
M

[cacky]

Not making progress

Riker and gang...it doesnt seem to work for any of us. we tried and just screwed ourselves up more. i stopped drinking and started spending money which sucks now im totalling having money problems which makes me want to drink more anyway. i cant mod either i have to do this totally AF. I got to face that and my money problems head on.

[Lavande]

Not making progress

Hi Riker & Zeppie2,

Welcome back! You are not alone, so many of us have had to come to the realization that modding is just not possible! The thing is, once you accept that fact as reality, life becomes much simpler!

Please feel free to join us on the 'Newbies Nest thread. There are lots of folks there in the process of turning that corner, so to speak.

Wishing you the best!

[savon19]

Not making progress

Riker - you said it in a nutshell: "The Will to Want to Change"!!!

There's a big difference between knowing we NEED to change... and Really Wanting to change. And we may even fool ourselves into thinking we want to change. Often, we want to change because we think we OUGHT to change, know it's the right thing to do, etc.

In my experience, nothing really happens (that lasts for any time) unless we truly Want to change... I'm trying to get there! But it doesn't seem that "trying" is going to get me to that place.

Still pondering...

[Riker]

Not making progress

Thanks Gang

Thanks for all of your replies.. One day at a time as they say.. This is a especially dificult time as I have just lost my father to cancer last week. But I am really trying to keep the drinking in check..I'm just going to keep coming back here every day to share and get inspired, motivated to kick this thing..

A quote that someone sent me a few days ago that I though was good:

" When we are born, we are crying and those around us are smiling, Live your life well so that when you die, those around you are crying but you are smiling"


:thanks:

[bernard]

Not making progress

I have one word for all of you on this thread: BACLOFEN

It works, for just about everybody. (Cacky tried it and went off it. We need to get his or her story on what happened with it. Everyone wants to know.) Get the book, read the drug forum on MWO. It will save all of your lives.

[cpn1004]

Not making progress

Riker, Bernard may be correct. My drinking is a lot like yours. I'm starting the Baclofen method this week.
Good luck and do each day as it comes.
Phil

[tlrgs]

Not making progress

Riker;676439 wrote: Thanks for all of your replies.. One day at a time as they say.. This is a especially dificult time as I have just lost my father to cancer last week. But I am really trying to keep the drinking in check..I'm just going to keep coming back here every day to share and get inspired, motivated to kick this thing..

A quote that someone sent me a few days ago that I though was good:

" When we are born, we are crying and those around us are smiling, Live your life well so that when you die, those around you are crying but you are smiling"


:thanks:

there you go best of luck to you ..
you can and weill be able to do this