Well hello every one. It?s been a long time since I was here. I?d like to share something with you all.
It?s been 1-1/2 years since I first heard of MWO. At the time I was trying to save a dyeing relationship, and drinking my way through it the whole way.
As time went on it became clear that my ?lady? wanted to be some one else?s ?lady?. So this last February I got the courage to leave the only relationship that ever meant anything to me. The anguish of leaving the lady that I was still in love with was too much. So I spent the next 3 months, or so, drowning my sorrows? (This is not about relationships; this is about 61 days of sobriety. Bare with me, I?m getting to that)?
The more I cried, the more I drank, and the more I drank, the more I cried. I was convinced I would die a drunk. There was no way I could ever see myself not drinking. I was just waiting to die. My skin was gray, I was getting real fat. I cried from morning till night, even in my sleep, hung over or drunk, or in between, I was ?the crying man.?
I even thought ?why wait to drink myself to death? Why don?t I just end it now? And, ya know, as ?out there? as that sounds, it was actually an option that I was considering.
Now then, I am not a religious man at all. I have gone ?spiritual? but organized religion? No thanks. So I told ?The Creator?, (or source, or all that is, or God) that I just can?t do this any more, that this has to stop.
So one morning, hung over as hell, that ?instant? came to me. God (creator, source?) spoke to my mind and said ?you have a choice, you can die a drunk, or you can live a life.? At that moment I knew I was done drinking. Wait ? let me say this: I don?t know if I?ll ever have a drink again. But I knew that what I was doing, drinking myself to death, had just stopped. God, I felt good, hung over as hell, but I felt good. And that was 61 (count them, sixty-one) days ago.
So, I want to say now, that I don?t fight the urge to drink, it?s not a constant battle. That one instant was all it took.
I?ve heard it said that life can change in an instant. It might take 20 or 50 years for some to get that instant, but that one speck of time can, and did, change everything. No A-A, no supplements, no programs, just ?clarity? saved my 50 y/o Italian butt.
So not only did I stop poisoning myself, I sleep again (I haven?t slept in years) I lost a ton of weight, I found the energy to join AND USE a gym, I have the body that I?ve wanted all my life (and at 50 years old it?s about time). I saved a gazillian dollars on wine. And I know I?ll find the ?right? lady real soon and live life as it was meant to be.
Hey, I didn?t mean for that to turn into a singles ad, but the universe works the way it does. ?single, good looking, optimistic, spiritual guy in Sacramento, 50 years young? I just had to do that?
So, the point of all of this: you CAN make a choice. And that?s all it is, a CHOICE. I am proof of that. I fully expected to die a drunk, but then I chose not to.
With all due respect to AA, I feel it?s not ?One day at a time? for me it?s ?One life at a time.?
Do you want to die a drunk, or do you want to live a life?
I invite you to send me a private message for any comments, questions, just to chat, keep each other company, or tell me that I can?t write for shit, whatever, I?m here for you?
This really is the New Joe?
Love and Light to you all?
It?s been 1-1/2 years since I first heard of MWO. At the time I was trying to save a dyeing relationship, and drinking my way through it the whole way.
As time went on it became clear that my ?lady? wanted to be some one else?s ?lady?. So this last February I got the courage to leave the only relationship that ever meant anything to me. The anguish of leaving the lady that I was still in love with was too much. So I spent the next 3 months, or so, drowning my sorrows? (This is not about relationships; this is about 61 days of sobriety. Bare with me, I?m getting to that)?
The more I cried, the more I drank, and the more I drank, the more I cried. I was convinced I would die a drunk. There was no way I could ever see myself not drinking. I was just waiting to die. My skin was gray, I was getting real fat. I cried from morning till night, even in my sleep, hung over or drunk, or in between, I was ?the crying man.?
I even thought ?why wait to drink myself to death? Why don?t I just end it now? And, ya know, as ?out there? as that sounds, it was actually an option that I was considering.
Now then, I am not a religious man at all. I have gone ?spiritual? but organized religion? No thanks. So I told ?The Creator?, (or source, or all that is, or God) that I just can?t do this any more, that this has to stop.
So one morning, hung over as hell, that ?instant? came to me. God (creator, source?) spoke to my mind and said ?you have a choice, you can die a drunk, or you can live a life.? At that moment I knew I was done drinking. Wait ? let me say this: I don?t know if I?ll ever have a drink again. But I knew that what I was doing, drinking myself to death, had just stopped. God, I felt good, hung over as hell, but I felt good. And that was 61 (count them, sixty-one) days ago.
So, I want to say now, that I don?t fight the urge to drink, it?s not a constant battle. That one instant was all it took.
I?ve heard it said that life can change in an instant. It might take 20 or 50 years for some to get that instant, but that one speck of time can, and did, change everything. No A-A, no supplements, no programs, just ?clarity? saved my 50 y/o Italian butt.
So not only did I stop poisoning myself, I sleep again (I haven?t slept in years) I lost a ton of weight, I found the energy to join AND USE a gym, I have the body that I?ve wanted all my life (and at 50 years old it?s about time). I saved a gazillian dollars on wine. And I know I?ll find the ?right? lady real soon and live life as it was meant to be.
Hey, I didn?t mean for that to turn into a singles ad, but the universe works the way it does. ?single, good looking, optimistic, spiritual guy in Sacramento, 50 years young? I just had to do that?
So, the point of all of this: you CAN make a choice. And that?s all it is, a CHOICE. I am proof of that. I fully expected to die a drunk, but then I chose not to.
With all due respect to AA, I feel it?s not ?One day at a time? for me it?s ?One life at a time.?
Do you want to die a drunk, or do you want to live a life?
I invite you to send me a private message for any comments, questions, just to chat, keep each other company, or tell me that I can?t write for shit, whatever, I?m here for you?
This really is the New Joe?
Love and Light to you all?
well done joe delighted you have seen the light :goodjob:
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