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    #1

    New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

    Hi All. Just joined, but have been reading posts for a few weeks, taking supplements and doing hypno. One week AF today.

    I'm a weekend warrior/binger and the past weekend was the first one AF in a while. I was out with some new friends having fun but felt it necessary to make up a story about why I wasn't partaking. The little white lie made the situation more comfortable to me, but now I'm wondering what kind of story I'll need to invent next time.

    My last 30 day AF was the past January - that seemed easier since it was planned around a time in winter when there was not a lot going on and hibernating came naturally. Now in mid-summer activities abound. I'm very conscious of coming off like a moral dish-rag, spoiling the fun or laying an implied guilt trip on the party when everyone else is having a good time. It's kind of tough to skip the ice-cold beers after a round of golf, and to hang-out with friends or meet new ones when I can't participate in the fun.

    So, I guess I have two questions: 1) Is honesty best, or is it better to protect my privacy and avoid the "evil eye" you get when you let on that you can't control? 2) Is it best to drop-out of society for a while and avoid the fun-stuff until I become more comfortable with the AF situation?

    Tia for any helpful advice. I'm happy to have found such a great group of people to join in this endless challenge.

    Enjoy!
    Nobody asked for this; we're just stuck cleaning up the mess. -
    Tags: None
    #2
    New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

    TranqWilly, (Great name)
    I did ponder this for a short while, but I came to the conclusion that if people needed a reason why I didn't want or feel the need of a drink then that is their problem. Nobody asks us when we are in company why we want to drink. It seems obvious, but not wanting to drink requires an explanation. I just tell them I've stopped drinking, and if they persist and ask me why then I'll tell them that it was getting the better of me and I didn't like it; never did and besides, it's bad for me and I wish I had stopped sooner. I get raised eyebrows and knowing looks, but so what? It's not like I'm doing anything bad, or spoiling their night and once it's out the bag I don't have to repeat myself or make up another little white lie.

    Comment

      #3
      New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

      Hi TranqWilly
      I just told my friends that I dont drink anymore and said that it was making me depressed and I found that i was'nt enjoying it anymore and that I have a better time without it. And the funny thing is that all of them say that they should stop or cut down as well, although they never have.....
      :dancin: enguin:
      starting over

      Comment

        #4
        New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

        :welcome:tranquilly the first person you have to be honest with is yourself,then as popeye says there are lots of excuses you can come up with for your drinking buddies,if they persist just tell them the truth,that usually does it,but if you really want to stop drinking for a while you will have to stop going to your regular drinking places, :goodjob:


        :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

        Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
        I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

        This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

        Comment

          #5
          New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

          :hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv:
          :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
          best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

          Comment

            #6
            New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

            Hi Tranq ... love the name.

            I don't think it's necessary to tell people that you have a "drinking problem" ... or to think up a new excuse every time. What works for me is simply saying that I'm trying to be healthier and/or lose weight -- both of which are absolutely true. I don't see the need to add, "and I'm an alcoholic" ... They don't need to know that.

            Do what is comfortable for you.

            Nice job on your week AF!
            AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.

            Comment

              #7
              New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

              Tranq,

              I would do whatever you feel comfortable doing. It is that simple. If your friends would look at you askance and be uncomfortable with you not drinking, that is a problem.

              People do surprise you, though. We tend to have less faith in others than we should.

              Just go with the flow and see what works.

              As far as staying away for a while. I have to say it is a good idea. It is hard enough to stay sober without putting yourself into situations that have triggers everywhere.

              But, then again, if you aren't uncomfortable in those situations, go.

              This is Your Way Out. You will find it.

              :welcome:
              Cindi
              AF April 9, 2016

              Comment

                #8
                New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

                Good for you! :welcome: Ditto to the above. And I will add that it amazed me how few people even noticed. I would say that

                "coming off like a moral dish-rag, spoiling the fun or laying an implied guilt trip on the party when everyone else is having a good time. , and to hang-out with friends or meet new ones when I can't participate in the fun."

                may have overgrown itself in your imagination. You get to the point that you get past the feeling deprived. You'll see AL is depriving you of your happy life and you ARE a fun person without it!
                sigpic
                Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

                Comment

                  #9
                  New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

                  Hi TranqWilly,

                  Welcome!
                  I totally agree with Greenie above - don't let your imagination get out of hand. Besides, as an adult do you really care what others think??? I know I sure don't! JUst do your own thing and be happy.
                  Please feel free to join us on the 'Newbies Nest' thread here in the Just Getting Started section.

                  Congrats on your 7 AF days, awesome start
                  Best Wishes!
                  AF since 03/26/09
                  NF since 05/19/09
                  Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

                    Hi Tranqwilly,
                    I've been honest with my immediate family as they are the ones that have born the brunt. I told everybody else that I had high cholesterol level (which is true) and I had given up alcohol as it was full of sugar. Here I am 3 weeks AF and really enjoying my freedom from the demon who lived in the fridge.(white wine)
                    I can't add anything more to the post's above.
                    Do what you feel comfortable with.
                    You're in a safe place here.
                    JackieClaire
                    It could be worse, I could be filing.
                    AF since 7/7/2009

                    Comment

                      #11
                      New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

                      :goodjob: jackieclare on 3 weeks a/f,


                      :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                      Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                      I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                      This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

                        Just to add my welcome and words to all the fine ones above:

                        My experience has been that I've been really surprised about a) how many people don't notice or don't care when I get water or sodawater instead of wine b) how many people I'm with don't drink or don't drink that much anyway. I, like you, had it kind of built up in my mind that I would stand out by not drinking, but you know, I also realize that I never worried about someone else not drinking. I was too busy with my own habit!!

                        Best of luck to you Tranq - you will really feel so good.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

                          I have to agree with Cinders, greeneyes, Lavadne and DancingGirl. A lot of the worries are caused by out imaginations. In my experience most people are great about it and are happy to see that I'm doing something about what was for me an obvious problem. That's probably why I don't worry so much about making plausable excuses as they know I have this problem. I don't shout about it though, and I can happily watch other people drinking without fretting. I go and try to have fun when the occasion arises (which is very rarely these days). Saying that, I have a thirtieth birthday party in a few weeks and I'm looking forward to it.
                          God!! My mate's lad is 30. I'm getting old

                          Comment

                            #14
                            New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

                            Tranqwilly (yr name is Great!)...

                            I liked 42 cat's response. You're getting Healthy!! I Definitely wouldn't tell friends (esp. if new, like you said) that you have a problem.
                            Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

                            Comment

                              #15
                              New here - Is Honesty the best policy?

                              WoW. Thanks for the warm welcome and encouraging thoughts. I wasn't expecting such a rapid response, but it is appreciated.

                              I typically don't really care much about what people think unless I care about them. I don't really see my friends as part of my problem, but I've always enjoyed the "good times" with a few beers. I can almost see the reactions and feel the pressure. Not many of my friends really know how much I drink - I can hold my liquor pretty well (not really a good thing).

                              I guess I have built-up some of this in my own mind, but I'm kind of dreading the first time it comes up in a situation where drinking is the norm. I may have a tendency to make things seem larger in my mind than real-life would dictate. Just weird that way I guess.

                              I see that I'll just have to have a plan to deal with it, and stick to my commitment to myself, health, etc.

                              Savon - your Anais Nin quote kind of says it all doesn't it. There's a serious leap of faith involved here isn't there?

                              Thanks again everyone. I think I'll stay awhile.
                              Nobody asked for this; we're just stuck cleaning up the mess. -

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