ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

[bigeyedfish4041]

Hi, I just read the book My Way Out. I'm planning on getting the hypnotherpy cds and doing the whole program. But I cant decide if I will be capable of having 1-2 drinks. I've tried many many times, but it never works for me. The author of the book says she likes to have a glass of wine with her meals bc she likes the taste of wine. Well I don't like wine for it's taste, I don't like beer for it's taste. When I drink I drink to get drunk. Is it possible to drink just to get a little buzz and stop. I'm the type that goes out 3 times a week, and drinks all night, then sleeps all day. I guess I'm a non functioning "problem drinker". I'm a bing drinker, once i start I cant stop. So I'm having a hard time decided wich way to go. Should I try the social drinking thing. I'd love to be able to go to weddings, sporting events, concerts, etc. and be able to have a couple of beers. Also when you say "you can never drink again" it seems like that will make you want to drink again. Like when you tell a kid to not touch the stove, he does it anyways. It reminds me of when I once told by a counselor, who I wanted his help conquering my panic attacks and anxieties. He told me why don't you befriend your anxieties and panic attacks. Understand them, look at them for what they are. It seems like if you are constantly battleing something you will never win. So why not befriend your enemy, understand, and learn all there is to know about it. So now if I am no longer saying "what if" and I'm at peace with things then it seems to go away. The fear of fear itself is what it is for me. Now if I apply that concept of "befriending" my "problem drinking", would it no longer be a problem? I'm trying to explain whats going on in my head, I'm not the best writer, or the best at expressing myself. just trying to figure this whole thing out, bc I know I can't go on like I'm doing anymore. For those that read this, thanks for your time!
Wesley

[startingover]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

Hi Wesley.
Firstly a warm welcome to you. I think you have done a great job of explaining how you feel.
I am one of those people who doesnt drink for the taste either, I drink for the buzz. For me, there is no option but to say goodbye to the booze. I have accepted that and am happy with my choice. But I can see how it can create a cycle of fear to say never again.
Why dont you try focussing on the positvies of sobriety? Like all the things you will be able to do when you are not drinking? The reduction of depression symptoms, the stabilization of any mood swings. Try not to focus on what you cant have.
There is a great thread in the Monthly Abstinence Section called the Toolbox Thread. That should give you lots of inspiration and ideas to help you.
Another thought is to give up drinking for 30 days. That will give you some time to clarify what you want from this too.
Post and read as much as you can too. The support here is fantastic. That will really help you through the early days.

[sparrow]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

Welcome Big,
You have found a good place. I am the opposite of you I Dont binge drink. I am more of the habitual every day drinker. I just found myself getting more and more dependant on AL to relax. This is the longest I have gone without a drink in 13 years, 49 days. I always found that once I start drimking again the habit comes right back.
I just got back from visiting my brother -in-law who said he hasn't had a drink in 15 years. He said he doesn't have an off button when he starts. We had a great week he was around all kinds of people who were drinking and we had a great time, this was a real inspiration to me.
I have decided to abstain form drinknig because I really don't think I can just drink once in a while. Im just sick of thinking about it. I figure after 6 months I'll reeveluate my situation.Hopefully by that point I won't miss drinking so much anymore.
Good Luck to you
Sparrow

[Lavande]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

Hi Wesley,

Welcome!
When I joined back in February it was with the intention of learning to moderate. I soon found out that was going to be impossible for me. The realization scared me half to death but I accepted the fact and life has been much easier since! I don't feel that I'm missing anything. I am a much happier, calmer & healthier person these days living completely free from AL and all it's problems
See how you feel after 30 days then ask yourself if you are ready for a drink. I did that and my answer was a resounding NO!

I wish you best on your journey.

[Andy R]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

I have spent 35 + years trying to be a moderate drinker. This despite spells in AA, rehab, and other weird and wonderful distractions such as travelling, religion, workaholism, achievment (failures usually kept hidden) and the odd drug or three.

I have to face up to the fact that I cannot drink like others. I hide in toilets to drink. I wake up from black outs with major medical trauma after setting out for just a few quiet beers...

If it was going to work out that I could do the moederation thing succesfully I reckon I would have cracked it by now.

So... without any intent to give dogmatic advice - I am trying baclofen as soon as it arrives by post and going all out for abstainance.

[brightlite]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

Sometimes I think that it depends on whether you have a physical addiction to Al or a psychological addiction. I think the person that is psychologically addicted may be able to moderate, mind over matter, as opposed to the physically addicted person. Not sure, just a theory. I, however have the physical addiction problem and am looking to become a long term abstainer.

[DoneDrinkin]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

I agree with the other posters here. Abstain for 30 days, then make your choice. 30 days of sobriety could change your whole thinking. Give it a shot!

As far as befriending alcohol -- alcohol itself is not the demon. The demon is your/our inability to stop drinking once we start. So befriend IT, because it is a part of you, and it will be with you forever.

--Steve

[joesgal]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

Hi Wesley, like you I wanted to be able to moderate, I didn't want to think that I could never have a drink again on special occasions, but I had to be honest with myself, deep down I knew that I wasn't able to moderate my drinking and once I accepted this I felt a great sense of release and freedom. Each day without alcohol is a real gift, no hangovers, no feelings of remorse and guilt..... You will get there too, just take it a day at a time and keep reading the posts here, they have been a big help to me. Good luck on your journey, joesgal

[scrubbly]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

sparrow;678811 wrote: Welcome Big,
I'm just sick of thinking about it.

Well said Sparrow.

THIS IS THE CRUX OF THINGS FOR ME. And I'm only just over 2 months sober, but there you have it.

It's just easier. It's just peaceful. It's just freedom. It's just who I am now.

Best to you Wesley, glad to have you here.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

Sorry to slightly hi-jack this thread. I have read of many members who have tried to mod and failled, then bravely accepted that it wasnt an option for them.
But has anybody any idea about those who have achieved sobreity, in excess of say 90 days, and then tried to mod, roughly what % of members have been successful for any lengthly period of time?

[bigeyedfish4041]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

Hi guys/girls, thanks for all the responses, you all had great advice. I actually went out last night and tried to not drink as much and failed once again. I'm starting to think I will never be able to be a moderate drinker. That said I have yet to start the program. I'm going to see my Dr. next week and will go from there. I think it's going to be hard mentally to stop, bc going out is where my social life is. And I get bored, lonely. I know I will just have to find new places to meet new people. Thanks again!

[JackieClaire]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

Hi and welcome,
No advice to give as yet. 27 days alcohol free.
Hope your doc is a good,friendly and understanding. Mine was. He put on to this site.
I've found it safe and kind.
Sending a big hug to you all.
JackieClaire x

[prancy]

ow to decide Abstinence or Moderation?

bigeyed, I am in the exact same boat. And my life with my husband has a lot of social events and lots of drinking friends. A few periodic non-drinkers because I think they have bad results too, but mostly drinkers. I have such a hard time thinking about not drinking forever because I would be at so many functions bored out of my mind.

Having said that, I did decide to do 30 days AF to help me make a decision. I am now on Day 28 and it has not been so hard. And I have been out to dinner or for drinks at someone's house at least 6 times. I just had soda with cranberry with lime squeeze. I make such a big deal ordering it that I don't think most people have noticed that I left out the vodka!

We are going to a 3 day dove hunt weekend in about a month and I am planning to have the option to have a bit of wine if it gets uncomfortable. However, I can say that after this period of time without AL I feel stronger about limiting it. For one thing, I don't want to blow it! Then I would really have to accept AF forever.

I too am doing the entire My Way Out program. I have the tapes (just received but not listened to yet), have been taking the supplements and vitamins, and have ordered the bac. I will post on my progress. Please do the same. It is very helpful to hear how others are doing.