Why do I never learn?

[dw5134]

Hi Everyone

Just joined this morning. Stopped drinking on Wednesday. Felt pretty rough since then but a bit better this morning. Done it plenty of times before but never seem to get past the first week. Soon as I feel better seem to think I can start drinking again and this time it will be different and I will be able to keep it under control. Why is it that I never learn? Anyway anyone can stop drinking but staying stopped - now that's the hard part.
:new:
:thanks:

[Gold]

Why do I never learn?

Hello dw,

I can absolutely identify with what you say. I tried many times and like you as soon as I felt better started again, I would berate myself so much that I now realise I was punishing myself by destroying my life and my opportunities.

Since joining here, July 21st, I have been relieved of the awful guilt and shame just by knowing that I'm not alone. I think that has been the turning point for me, and the fact that I know that I really want this for myself, when I tried before it was for other reasons not for me.

I had 3 days AF and then for some inexplicable reason decided to try drinking, I felt dreadful the next day physically and mentally, despite not drinking all that much by my standards. Now I'm on my 7th day AF certain that I want this more than anything.

Doing it for love of yourself and letting go of guilt and shame has made the biggest difference for me over the other times. I am using Kudzu, L-glut and a hypnosis CD last thing at night, I am sure they help.

Make yourself and AF your priority, read plenty and tell people how you are feeling.

If I and others can do it, so can you.

:welcome:

[joesgal]

Why do I never learn?

Hi dw and welcome, like gold I can identify with everything you say and I can only say that once I decided that my life could only get better without al, I felt free. I knew that I couldn't moderate, I had tried so often and failed. I am now on my 9th day af and although it's early days, I know that this is the only and best way for me. I have found this place very helpful, there are so many kind people who will be able to help you, keep coming back and you will get support and inspiration. I wish you well, just take one day at a time and read as many posts as you can, good luck, joesgal

[gyco]

Why do I never learn?

hi 5134 ,you answered your question,i to have been in the same boat for,30 years,i dont have a problem stopping,its staying stopped and wanting to,but i dont beat my self up any more over it,many years of abuse to an xtent,a doctor in a rehab said the same thing to me,whats wrong gyco,i again stopped for 4 months b4 i got there,after a month of being in there i finally got it,they tot me to not except my fate,the wrongs and rts of drinking,i beleive you no them,way the scale b4 you have the 1st drink,then decide,all it does is give you a hi for the night,then the next day as you get older then the devastation happens im 56,not when your young,everyone is having fun,until it gets out of control,think about it we go to our doctors cause were having depressed states in are life's,but do we really tell them how much we drink,no not usually,number one the brain is so damaged how can it even comprehend the truth, and even then why would we want to admit we have a problem with Al,everyone drinks,but not like us,we are a different breed,int the final stages we end up losing control of our being,sick almost every day,losing control of our bladder functions,depression,altered states of mind,think about it,ALL FOR A DRINK,im reading a book of late,adult children of alcoholics does it make sense or healing the addicted brain,and theres the old and goody,a shameful book to many,some call it the big book,i is derived from the bible,just another way of looking at life with or without god or A HIGHER POWER,OF SORT,ALCHOHOLICS ANNONYMOUS,im not a preacher but many of us have been fighting this road block for years,welcome and i apologise for the lecture,this is a great site,many lovely people with an addiction to substance,jump on for the ride and have a ball gyco by the way you've made my day thnx

[Guest]

Why do I never learn?

Hello DW,
I too can relate to what you are talking about. It's great for me to see so many women here. I don't feel so isolated anymore.
I keep a journal now. If I feel I'm coming up on a day I may want to drink (I always feel it coming on, like telling myself I can handle it now!), it's weekends when my husband is gone, I read it. Look at how it really was to have that drink (then drinks actually.) How I felt afterwards.
It's my words. I can't deny the pattern. I can't be fooled then.
But if you slip, it's getting up and dusting yourself off and trying again. If each time you go longer AF, it's more days to realize the sun shines, you are able to laugh, enjoy an activity you don't dare or can't do while drinking or hungover.
Try to start keeping track of the freeing feeling of AF free days!
Best wishes,
We do all know what you are going through.

[42cat]

Why do I never learn?

Nice to meet you, DW. Welcome to the site!

I think most of us can relate to trying to quit and not being able to continue. It's frustrating for sure, but you can actually learn a lot from listening to yourself as you go through your ups and downs, learning about your triggers to drink, the feelings you get when that happens (boredom? anxiety? upset?)... and then you can form strategies to deal with the bad stuff next time it happens (such as writing things out and re-reading them when you need to - as mentioned above by Saving Grace .. That's something that I do, too).

One other thing that really worked for me was to get out of my normal "routine" .. because it was around that routine that I drank. I started to change it around, add different things, started an exercise (walking, gym) plan, etc.... babysteps to habit change, I suppose ... and it really took the focus away from the drink and more toward "me". Maybe something like that train of thought will work for you too?

Read as much as you can and keep on learning and trying things that you read about, and post often. I found that becoming part of the "community" really helped me keep my focus on what I was/am trying to do. There is a "tool box" thread in the Monthly Abstinence message board that is very useful.

Also, arm yourself with vitamins, supplements (L-glutamine and/or Kudzu are great for curbing cravings), good food, and anything else you find here that you think might help in your fight against AL(cohol). Focus on health and happiness and what type of life you want, and make your plan to get there. There are so many ideas and strategies here to try and see what might work for you. I didn't think I'd ever get it under control .. but once I started trying some new approaches, I finally "got it". You can too.

Looking forward to seeing you on the boards!

[tlrgs]

Why do I never learn?

:hello2::colorwelcome::groupluv::wave:

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Why do I never learn?

Hello DW, not much to add really, the previous posters explain it very well. I just want to offer you a big welcome and tell you that this can be done if you truly want it badly enough. You will get terrific non-judgemental support, help and advice here.
Keep safe
KTAB

[Lavande]

Why do I never learn?

Hi dw,

Welcome, you have come to a good place!
Have you read the MWO book yet? It's full of useful information to help you make your plan.
Please feel free to join us on the 'Newbies Nest' thread here in the Just Getting Started section.

Wishing you the best.
Lav

[Dave34217]

Why do I never learn?

Feeling better- dont do it

Ya, I too feel better than say, Ok I ll just have a few. Never, never works. I skrewed up all week on that one. I'm putting myself on an antibiotic I have, makes one sick if I drink on it. Toady a Go for 30 days. I'll let you know if that breaks the cycle. I havent done 30 days in 3yrs. My whole life is in a shambles. House in forclosure, boat biz in the tank. What better time to give it a go. Maybe a miracle will happen.
I'll take all the help I can get. Need the house back. so booze is out!!!!!

[My New Beginning]

Why do I never learn?

Hey DW a big :welcome: to you!
Wow, I identify with your story. Feel like crap after drinking...all hungover etc. Then in a day or 2 feel great! Guess I'll hae a drink. BANG! Right back on the cycle again. I hate AL and what it does.
What has been working for me is to change routine ever so slightly. That's all it took for me. Like, instead of pouring wine at 5 pm I come here and read usually. Then around 6 pm I start preparing dinner. I also keep telling myself how much easier my life is without wine. No hangovers, liver ache is gone, I've lost a little weight, I'm more alert and ambitious, etc etc. So many positive things and best of all I'm getting along much better with hubby.
Come by often and read and post. This is an awesome place.

[savon19]

Why do I never learn?

Yes, DW - quitting a couple/few days I can do... beyond that? Like you and others, I start feeling good and decide to "feel better"? Or something.

It works... for a while. Then I wake up next day to realize I got nothing done - and (horror of horrors!) maybe even made a phone call and don't remember what I said! (That happened to me yesterday - I really thought I had at Least gotten that urge under control...)

So then comes the Embarrassment, Shame and general feelings of Worthlessness!!

Good grief.

Having drunk yesterday, I feel inspired to be AF. This is Crazy stuff, folks.

[mario]

Why do I never learn?

Just like to say a big :welcome: dw5134 odaat.